Get to know a woman for sex
Learn some chemistry. Don’t worry; there won’t be an exam. However, attraction is all about chemistry, and specifically, a group of chemicals called “monoamines.” These chemicals send messages between your brain and your body, and they’re the reason love can literally make your skin tingle or cause you to forget your name when you’re around the woman of your dreams.  Dopamine (where we get the word “dope”) is a “feel-good” neurotransmitter responsible for rewards and motivation, among other things. When you’re around a person you’re attracted to, dopamine is released into your brain, making you enjoy the time you spend together and want more of it.  Norepinephrine, sometimes known as noradrenaline (but not the same as adrenalin)  is responsible for sending messages to your central nervous system. It helps decide what is most important to focus on at any given moment. When you lose track of time and end up spending 5 hours on a date with someone you’re into, norepinephrine has decided that the woman you love is more important than any of the other information around you.  Serotonin regulates a host of functions, including mood, sleep, body temperature, and sexual desire.  When your skin starts to tingle around that special someone, it’s because serotonin has dropped your body temperature, making your skin slightly more conductive of electricity. Pretty magical stuff. Humans may also emit pheromones like other animals do, although scientists aren’t exactly sure if they work the same way. You can’t consciously smell pheromones, but your body picks up on others’, deciding what it thinks is attractive and what isn’t.   Recognize that it isn’t all about you. Because so much is down to how chemicals interact in each person’s body, don’t take it personally if the woman you’re interested in doesn’t return your interest. It probably has nothing to do with you as a person. Studies show that your brain decides what’s attractive in as little as one second, and it’s not really within your control.  Research has even shown that taking hormonal contraceptives can change a woman’s “type” at certain points during the month.  Biochemistry: it’s some wacky stuff. Learn some love language. No, this type isn’t the sweet talk you might offer during a chat. This is about identifying the messages that body language gives off when we’re attracted to someone else. There are a few basic messages that your body language communicates when you are interested in someone:  Check her body positioning. Imagine that you’ve run into the woman you’re interested in at the coffee shop. You don’t know whether she is interested in you. Examine how she’s holding her body for some clues.   “Open” body language includes relaxed, uncrossed arms and legs and looking upward from time to time. “Closed” body language includes crossed arms or legs, body tension, and keeping your focus on something like your phone. The direction of her feet may also tell you something. If they’re pointed toward you, she is likely feeling into the interaction. If she’s holding something between you, such as a purse or bookbag, this could be a sign she’s trying to signal distance. If she catches your eye, smiles, and moves the bookbag out of the chair across from her, it’s a good bet she’s signaling “I’m available.”  Make eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul. They’re also really good clues as to whether someone is interested in you or not. Eye contact communicates a bunch of messages, including some you might not be aware of.  Make eye contact with her, and maintain it for 4-5 seconds. Give her a smile. If she returns your gaze and smiles back, you may be in luck.  Eye contact while you’re talking with someone signals interest and engagement. If she’s looking at you about 70% of the time while you’re talking and about 50% of the time while she’s talking, it’s a good sign that she’s interested in the interaction. (You can signal your interest by following the same ratios.)  When we’re aroused (through stress, sexual desire, what have you) our pupils dilate. If her pupils look dilated, she may be excited to see you.  Flash her a winning smile. If she returns your smile, it could signal that she enjoys your interaction. However, some people also smile when they’re nervous or uncomfortable. Watch which muscles move when she smiles.  Genuine, or duchenne, smiles, use the muscles around the eyes as well as around the mouth.  Fake smiles tend to only use the muscles around the mouth (although some people are very good at faking). If she isn’t smiling with her eyes, she may be feeling uncomfortable or trying to appease you. Check out some biology. Humans experience certain physiological reactions when they’re attracted to someone else.  While these aren’t universal, they can help clue you in about whether she’s just being polite or whether she’s as interested in you as you are in her.  Flushing or blushing. When we’re aroused, blood rushes to our cheeks. (This is one reason why some women wear blush.) People may also flush when they’re nervous or embarrassed, though, so don’t rely on this as your only cue. Plumper, redder lips. That blood doesn’t only rush to our cheeks. It also goes to the lips, which can appear fuller and redder as they fill with blood. (Hence, why some women wear lipstick.) Licking the lips is also a good sign that the other person is attracted to you.  Get a little closer. Don’t invade anyone’s personal space, but if, say, she’s gone up for some coffee creamer you could get up and get some napkins. This will give you the chance to give her a whiff of your pheromones (remember those chemicals that signal the other person’s brain, saying “Hey! I’m hot!”).  If you’re already interacting with the woman of your dreams, lean in a little closer or tilt your head. Not only do these signal that you’re interested in the interaction, they can also send those chemical love-messengers heading her way.  Gamble with an opening gambit. These are also known as “pickup lines,” or sometimes “ice-breakers.” However, you don’t have to be creepy or cocky to use an opening gambit effectively. Scientists suggest that there are three types of openers, and they vary in their effectiveness:  Direct: These are honest, no-nonsense, get straight to the point openers. For example, “Hi, you’re pretty cute. Can I buy you a drink?” or “I’m kind of shy, but I’d love to get to know you.” In general, men tend to prefer getting these from potential romantic partners. Innocuous: These start a conversation, but don’t go directly in for the goal. For example, “What coffee would you recommend?” or “There’s an empty chair at my table, would you like to sit here?” In general, women tend to prefer getting these from potential romantic partners. Cute/flippant: These involve humor, but they can also be cheesy or even mean-spirited. These are the typical “pickup line,” like “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” or “You know what would look great on you? Me.” In general, both men and women rank these as the least preferred option to receive from a potential romantic partner. Your relationship strategy will also play a role in choosing an opener. Studies suggest that people going for something long-term will more likely use an honest and supportive gambit, while people going for something short-term will more likely use manipulation or dishonesty. If it’s love you’re looking for, go for honest and supportive every time.  Give her a reason to notice you . Do something that will make her take notice of you. Don’t try to make yourself into something you aren’t, though. Being yourself (maybe the best possible version of you) is the best way to ensure that if she’s interested in you, she’s really interested in you, not somebody you’re trying to be to get yourself noticed. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, and dress in clothes that express something about you. You don’t have to be a fashion model or a superstar athlete, but keeping yourself neat, clean, and groomed will show off your physical health, which humans have evolved to find innately attractive.  Studies show that women value social traits, such as compassion and friendliness, as highly (or even more) than physical attractiveness.  Do something that shows you care about other people. Volunteer at your local food bank, give blood, bail a friend out of a sticky situation, organize a charity auction. Show her that there`s more to you than meets the eye. She`ll be impressed that you give back and curious about what else you have to offer. Show her your funny side. Research shows that both men and women rank a sense of humor as one of the most attractive qualities in a potential partner.  Joke around, make others laugh -- just don’t belittle or use mean or bitter humor, because that’s a surefire way to kill the mood instantly.  A little playfulness is also likely to benefit you.  Excel at something you`re good at, preferably in her company. What do you do well? It could be anything from tennis, rock climbing, or football, to humor, math, or debate. Whatever it is, stand out for excellence in that area. Signal with your own body language. Women tend to be better at interpreting body language than men are, which can be good for you if you know how to use it.  Things like making your body a little bigger, squaring your shoulders when you stand, and playfully bumping or elbowing your guy friends if you’re all hanging out with her can help signal that you’re trying to get her attention.   Put yourself out there. Remember: fortune favors the brave. If you`re stuck in your apartment constantly, you`re probably not using your time in the best way. And if you don`t hit a challenge at least some of the time, you might never see results. Display self-confidence. Both women and men are drawn to confident people. However, cockiness is usually a turn-off, so make sure your confidence doesn’t take the leap into arrogance.  True self-confidence comes from within. It’s knowing who you are, accepting who you are, and being confident that you’re pretty great at being you. You don’t need validation from others to make you feel good about yourself. When you’re confident in yourself, you inspire that confidence in others.  Cockiness happens when you base your self-esteem on external sources, like compliments or achievements. It often comes from a place of insecurity. You may feel like you need to put others down to feel better about yourself, or like everything is a competition between you and the rest of the world.  It’s fine to accept compliments and praise, especially if you can acknowledge the roles others played in your success or achievement. For example, if you’re a star athlete, you probably still have a great team behind you. When you win the big game, accept praise for your good performance, but remember to extend that praise to your teammates, too. That type of behavior shows true self-confidence, not cockiness. Form a game-plan. No, it doesn`t need to be written down, and it doesn`t need to involve little x`s and o`s on a whiteboard. Be strategic about what you do and you`ll give yourself a better chance of winning a girl`s heart. Be amateurish and you`ll likely lower your chances. If you`re in love with one girl, it`s OK to focus on winning her heart. When love hits us, it`s like a ton of bricks, and we often feel helpless. That`s natural. If, however, you want to find love in general, try socializing with several different women. You`ll increase your chances of finding someone you genuinely bond with, and rejection from one won`t seem so bad if you have the possibility of another waiting in the wings. There are several other benefits to this strategy: You`ll have a better idea of what you want. We often don`t know what we want until we see it. Put yourself out there and chances are you`ll find a woman you naturally gel with, instead of forcing it with someone you thought you knew. Socializing with several women is not the same as being a player. If you want to find love, date around, but only romantically involve yourself with one woman at a time. Don`t go into a relationship hoping to exploit or manipulate. Make the effort to get to know her . Really find out who she is, what she stands for, where she`s coming from. She will appreciate your interest in what makes her tick. Ask open-ended questions, actively listen and engage with her answers, and don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions about her.  People love talking about themselves. This is just the way things are. Don`t forget to engage in conversation and give her information about yourself, but get her engaged in something she likes talking about and you`ll find it`s a lot easier going. One way to do this is to ask great questions. Ask about her passions ("What do you love to do?"), her inspirations ("What makes you tick?"), and her goals ("What do you want to achieve?"), for example. Questions that ask her about her future may help her envision you in it. Questions about what’s going on right now tend to be more surface-level.  Social psychologist Arthur Aron has a list of 36 open-ended, creative questions you can ask to prompt getting to know a person better.  Now is not the time to harsh on your ex-girlfriends or trash your boss. This level of negativity could make the woman uncomfortable. If you’re saying bad things about other people to her, she’ll also have to wonder if you’d do the same about her with someone else. Stick to positive topics. Take your time . These things take time. Don`t expect to win her heart in a matter of days. Slow but steady wins the race. Set realistic expectations so that you`re not disappointed if she doesn`t fall for you immediately. If she gives you her number, perfect, but don`t beg for it. Call her when you get her number, but not too much. Some days, give her a chance to call you!  Don’t spill your whole life story at once. If you really like this woman, it could be tempting to give her the “hard sell” on why you’re the man for her. Take it slowly. Leaving a little mystery to yourself gives her things to ask you about, and doesn’t make you seem desperate or -- even worse -- like you don’t understand boundaries.  Compliment her . Offer substantive, personal compliments for the best effect. And be reasonable. You want to compliment her just enough so that she knows you like her more than a friend, but not so much that she thinks you`re desperate or fishing for compliments in return. Studies show that women are interested in men who show their interest, but not overwhelmingly.  Compliment her skills and abilities first and foremost. She was born with her looks, but she worked for her smarts and her talents. Compliment her when her wonderful personality shines through. If you want to compliment her looks, try to make things more personal than the generic “Wow, you have pretty eyes.” For example, you could say “Your eyes are such an unusual shade of blue. Do your parents also have blue eyes?” Noting that you’re paying attention to her also works. For example: “Did you get a haircut? Short hair looks so good on you.” Consider complimenting things about her that you find unique and interesting. Most women have heard the “You have a great smile” line a hundred times. Look for things that show you’re really engaged with her as a person. For example: “It`s so easy talking to you. I feel like I could talk to you all day long.” Start flirting . Find a way to gently start flirting with her. It`s going to be hard at first, because you really, really like her, but it will get a lot easier as you begin to establish routines and get to know her better.   Smile and maintain good eye contact. A woman can tell a lot about how interested you are just by looking at your eyes. Likewise, a smile is just as important. Smile so that you project happiness, and have good eye contact so that you project confidence. Mimic her body language. You’re not trying to be an exact mirror here. Instead, if she’s relaxed and open, be that way too. If she makes a lot of hand gestures when she’s talking, incorporate a few more into your conversation. Develop inside jokes or learn to playfully tease. Inside jokes are a great way to flirt and bond at the same time. They are conspiratorial, meaning that you both feel you are in on something together, and it`s just you. Make an inside joke out of pretty much anything that you two experience together.  When you playfully tease, make sure she knows you`re teasing. Wink at her to communicate your sarcasm, or tell her that you`re joking. Preferably, tease her about something she does really well so that she won`t have to guess whether you`re being serious or not. Touch her from time to time. In general, opposite-sex friends don’t touch that much. They may go in for a hug, but they usually don’t do things like holding hands or brushing someone else’s skin. Reaching for her hand once in a while, lightly brushing her arm when you say something, or pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear will say, “Hey, I’m really interested in you.”   Obviously, you should only do this if you’re already confident that she enjoys spending time with you. Don’t grab for a girl the first time you meet her, and avoid touching any personal areas unless you are clearly invited. If she doesn’t appear to enjoy or react well to your touch, don’t try it again. Respect her boundaries at all times, even if/when you don’t understand them. Ask her on a date. Once you`re ready to make the final push, you need to ask her out on a date. A date will be the perfect opportunity for you two to learn more about each other, and perhaps to even steal a kiss.  When you ask her, keep it casual but don’t be unclear. You might end up in the dreaded “friend zone,” and it’s often difficult to move from friendship to romance. The best way to avoid this is to be upfront about your interests. You don’t have to overwhelm her by immediately declaring your love (in fact, don’t do that), but saying something casual like, “I’ve really been enjoying hanging out with you. What would you say to a “real” date? My treat!” can help let her know that you’re interested in becoming more than friends without sounding like you’re proposing marriage.  Do something that`s exciting. An exciting date — such as a haunted house, a theme park with rollercoasters, or a sports event — helps release a powerful hormone (called oxytocin) that`s responsible for feelings of bonding and togetherness.  If it`s the right moment, go in for a kiss. If you feel like she`s a little hesitant, it`s best to keep the kiss for the second or third date. Keep the kiss short and sweet, and whatever you do, don`t try to shove your tongue down her throat. Listen actively. Good communication skills can help you win the woman of your dreams. Actively listening to her shows that you’re really interested and engaged with what she thinks and feels. That’s very attractive. Try some of these techniques:  Restate and clarify. Don’t assume that you understand what she’s saying. Instead, ask for clarification when you need it: “I’m not sure I understood you correctly. I heard _____. Is that what you meant?” Then give her the chance to clear things up. Encourage her. Ask little questions like “And then what happened?” or “How did you respond?” “Minimal encouragers,” like nodding, saying “uh-huh,” and “Go on” are also helpful. Summarize the important things. If you’ve had a conversation where you shared a lot of information, summarize it. This shows you paid attention, and gives her the opportunity to clear anything up. For example: “Okay, so what I heard was that tomorrow is going to be a horrible day for you and you don’t want to be stressed out, so you’d like me to pick you up from work and go see a dumb action movie together. Is that right?” Use solid communication techniques. Listening is half of communication, but you also have to know how to speak. Learn to ask questions, avoid blaming, and communicate directly and honestly. It will make a world of difference, and may just make her feel all fuzzy for you and your great communication skills.   Ask questions. This is especially helpful if you aren’t sure you understand the situation. For example, she may say she wants advice but really just needs a sympathetic ear. Ask her: “Do you want me to try to help you find a solution, or do you just need someone to vent to? I’m cool with either one.” Use “I”-statements instead of “you” messages. “You”-statements can sound blaming, and they can make people shut down and feel defensive. For example, saying “You’re always making us late and I hate it” communicates your feelings clearly, but it’s also going to hurt hers and make her avoid talking with you. Try an “I”-statement instead: “I know you need a little extra time to get ready, but I get really stressed out when I’m late to things. How can I help you get the time you need and get us to dinner on time?” Speak honestly and directly. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t be passive aggressive. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and be kind and respectful all the time.  Be mysterious but still available. Women love men who have a little bit of mystery tied up in their persona. It doesn`t take much to develop — don`t share every detail, don`t brag about the things you do, get other people to like (and vouch for) you — but it`s hard to do correctly. At the same time, make yourself available to her. There`s nothing worse than putting in all that hard work only to leave her hanging because you can no longer be found.  A good way to think of this is as staying independent. Healthy relationships allow both people to live their lives and pursue interests on their own, as well as spending time together. If you don’t devote every moment of your day to thinking about her or pursuing her, you’ll be showing her that you’re independent and confident, which are both highly attractive qualities.  There’s no need to play mind games. If you want to call her, call. If she calls when you’re genuinely busy, tell her you’ll have to call her back later. You don’t have to wait a certain number of minutes between texts or a certain number of days between phone calls. Just live your life, and make her a nice part of it. Gain her trust. You don`t necessarily have to be her best friend, but show her why she deserves to trust you. Be there when she needs you. If she asks you to keep a secret, keep it. If you say you`ll do something, follow through. Trust is crucial to developing intimate, long-lasting relationships, and it can be broken in a heartbeat.  Don`t get into it just for sex. This will make you an untrustworthy guy in her book. Don`t pressure her into doing things that she`s not comfortable doing — it`ll drive her further away. If you have to back out on something, give her an honest explanation. She’s less likely to feel let down if you tell her what happened and communicate that you’re really disappointed about having to miss out. And don’t make a habit of flaking. Learn her love languages. People don’t all express or interpret love in the same way. Some people love getting gifts. Others would be just as happy if you did the dishes every night. Psychologist Gary Chapman argues that people have “love languages” that they use to show love and understand demonstrations of love from other people. Knowing her love language will help you show you care in a way she can really connect with.  “Words of Affirmation” include compliments, encouragement, or expressions of your feelings. “Acts of Service” include things like doing chores or running errands for the other person to show you care. “Receiving Gifts” is pretty obvious: gifts, cards, and tangible expression of affection. “Quality Time” is uninterrupted time with your partner without distractions. “Physical Touch” includes any demonstration of physical affection, including hugging, kissing, or sex. Chapman’s website has a quiz you can take. You can also ask her friends and observe her reactions to determine what her primary love language could be. (Alternatively, you could just ask her to take the quiz too, but you might not feel ready to spring the word “love.”)  Look at how she treats you. People usually default to using the love language they connect with for other people. Thus, if her primary love language is “Receiving Gifts,” she may surprise you with small tokens from time to time, such as a little gift or a card. Notice what she seems to emphasize in her demonstrations, and return them in kind. Win over her family and friends if you can. Her family and friends probably mean a lot to her, and they generally have a pretty hefty influence over how people think and behave.  Win them over, and you’ll be closer to winner her, too. Plus, you’ll be showing her that you’re here for the long haul. Dress nice, show manners , and be respectful of her friends and family. Be yourself around them. That can be hard, especially with all the pressure once you finally meet her parents, but it’s important that you be genuine, honest, and yourself. She’ll pick up if you’re different around her loved ones than you are around her, and family are notoriously good at detecting behavior that isn’t genuine. Stay easygoing, interested, and kind. If her friends gently tease or joke about you, take it like a man and chuckle. When the situation presents itself, ask her friends questions about their lives and be genuinely interested in them. Do nice things for her friends, such as setting them up with a guy friend or boosting their self-esteem. Recover from your mistakes. In a relationship and dating, you`re going to make mistakes. It`s how you recover from your mistakes that defines you, and gives the woman a chance to truly love you.  Don`t be afraid to say sorry or admit fault. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it without blaming anyone else for your actions or feelings. For example: “I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings. I know you were upset when I forgot our date. I really do care about you, but I’m terrible at remembering things. Next time I’ll put a reminder in my calendar to make sure I don’t miss out on spending time with you again.” Keep the romance going. Those first few weeks or months of dating are amazing. You’re learning all this new stuff about each other and the chemicals in your body are going haywire with all your romantic attraction. As you settle into a more stable relationship, that first blast may die down (although it can often cycle back, too).  Make a conscious effort to continue building your friendship and your relationship.    Make time for each other. You may be busy. You may have tough times. Make time for each other, even if you’re tired or your feelings are hurt. Don’t let things sink to a level of name-calling, resentment, or contempt. Pick a hobby or activity to pursue together. Working toward a common goal can help you feel more connected and bonded. Turn off the technology. Make some time without cellphones, TV, or computers for just the two of you. It can be easy to end up spending time in the same room without ever feeling like you’re really spending time together.  Be the person you want to be. Ultimately, you have to show her who you are in your soul, at your very deepest, to give her the chance to love you. If you pretend to be someone else, she`s only going to love a caricature of you. So don`t be afraid to let down your barriers, get a little vulnerable, and show her who you really are. Chances are she`ll love you for it. wikiHow`s mission is to help people learn, and we really hope this article helped you. Now you are helping others, just by visiting wikiHow. Trek to Teach is a nonprofit organization that sends fluent English speakers to teach in Nepal near the Himalayas. In addition to teaching, Trek to Teach strengthens local communities by helping schools build infrastructure, paint their classrooms, and find furniture. Click below to let us know you read this article, and wikiHow will donate to Trek to Teach on your behalf. Thanks for helping us achieve our mission of helping people learn how to do anything.
(Want to learn more about sex and sexuality? Check out the Women`s Health Big Book of Sex ) “I went on a Tinder date with a woman who seemed really nervous," says Jay, 28. "When I asked her about her past dating experiences, she admitted she’d never been with a woman. I wish I hadn’t had to ask her to figure it out, but it was way less awkward than finding out once I took her home." If this is your first time, tell your potential partner before you get in bed. Maybe it’s her first time, too, and you can both discover each other’s bodies together. Or maybe she’s been with women for years and only wants sexual partners with a similar level of experience. Honesty will keep both of you from feeling blindsided. This is also a good time to ask each other when you last got tested because women who have sex with women are just as at risk for STDs as anyone else. Once you are in bed, tell your partner what you want and ask her what she wants. "I hate to generalize, but mens` buttons are easier to find and push than women`s," says Daisy, 30. "No two women I`ve f*cked have needed the same things. So giving clear signals and being ego-less and open to learning are really important.” If you don’t know what you want, start with what worked with your past male partners or what works with yourself when you masturbate. Communication doesn’t have to be verbal, either. It can be as simple as moving a woman’s head to a different place on your clit or putting pressure on her hand so her fingers can go deeper inside you. A well-placed moan also lets a woman know she’s in the right place. Margaret, 27, confesses that she needed a little hint about this one. “After a few dates, my first girlfriend basically handed me the clippers," she says. "I kept hurting her when I fingered her.” All women are different, but no one’s labia is made of concrete. Long, sharp nails are going to cut the tender skin on the inside and outside of your vulva like a knife through tissue paper. Keep `em short ladies, keep `em short. “I was actually pretty inside my head the first time I slept with a woman," says Page, 26. "I was in awe of looking at another woman, touching her, sticking my fingers inside her, and smelling her. I kept thinking, ‘I can`t believe I`m doing this finally. Do I like it? Do I not like it? How do I feel? What does this mean?` It wasn`t exactly sexy the first time because I couldn`t let go and be in the moment yet. It`s easier to not be stuck inside your head if you`re just exploring and having fun.” All of my friends echoed this sentiment, and even though I’ve been having sex with women for a long time, the first time I have sex with any new person, I rarely have an orgasm (unless I’m the one rubbing my clit). The more I think about orgasms as the measure of sexual success, the less I enjoy myself. So just concentrate on being in the moment and experiencing whatever comes up for you. That being said, if you are getting close, let your partner know that she should keep going. Believe me, she will. Likewise, don’t feel like a failure if your partner doesn’t orgasm. It takes trust and time to know what will help her get there. Learn 14 mind-blowing facts that will completely change the way you think about orgasms: If you`ve only had straight sex, you might not know how to define sex beyond P-in-V action. "The answer is everything," says Aliya, 27. "Don’t think about whether this is `sex;’ just be in it.” Sex can be anything from putting your mouth on a woman’s vulva to mutual masturbation to getting simultaneously penetrated vaginally and anally with a dildo in the shape of a kangaroo (and if that’s the kind of sex you’re having, call me). Likewise, don’t worry about what having sex with a woman means about your identity. I call myself a lesbian, but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have sex with a man. And just because you have sex with a woman doesn’t mean you have to call yourself a lesbian. Everyone gets nervous from time to time, so a great sex partner should be supportive if you tell her you`re anxious or unsure—and you should do the same for her. You may be wondering what your parents will think (by the way—you don`t have to tell them) or how the experience made you feel about your own identity, but I`d recommend against sharing these concerns with your new partner right away. “A woman I slept with wanted to hash out for hours afterwards whether the fact that she had gone down on me meant she was gay," says Lissette, 28. "She even texted me for a few days after until I told her I couldn’t make a decision about her sexuality for her.” If you`re having a hard time dealing with your new sexual experiences, seek out the help of a therapist or counselor. Their unbiased advice may help guide you in better understanding who you are and what makes you happy. Ultimately, we all deserve to be fucked exactly the way we want, and that only happens with practice and even a little disappointment. I know some women who, after one awkward experience with a woman, decided to go back to men because it is more familiar and less vulnerable. But I promise that the more you have sex with women, the more confident and comfortable you will become. And that’s when the real fun begins.
Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. 06/11/2014 09:56 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017 Women`s bodies are totally overexposed and still seriously misunderstood . Hey, scientists didn`t even really know how the clitoris worked until 2009. So it`s not really surprising that when it comes to heterosexual sex , women still don`t always get an equal opportunity to have a great time. So, men, get your pencils out. This is a crash course in being the kind of partner any woman would want to date (or at the very least, have no-strings-attached sex with again). How a woman feels about her body can directly affect how much she enjoys sex. This isn`t about vanity -- body image can have a serious impact on a woman`s sex life . Positive body image is associated with having a satisfying sex life , and the reverse is also true . A growing wealth of research suggests that negative body image can make women distracted and self-conscious during sex , which can seriously detract from pleasure. These sentiments may seem absurd to men who think the women they sleep with look amazing. But it`s important to remember that just because you think she looks good doesn`t mean that she feels good. Our culture values male pleasure more than female pleasure. Some of this is the result of our cultural prioritization of sexual acts that are most pleasurable for men , like vaginal intercourse . While only 8 percent of women can reliably reach orgasm through vaginal sex alone, nearly all men can. And other research indicates that younger women spend more time attending to men`s sexual needs than their own. In one 2012 study of college students, a participant described feeling like she didn`t have a "right" to orgasm, particularly when it was a first-time hookup. The more invested a man is in his female partner`s pleasure, the more likely she is to enjoy herself. The "orgasm gap" between the sexes is particularly pronounced when it comes to initial sexual encounters. On average, men show less investment in giving women an orgasm when it`s a first-time hookup. The more committed men are in the relationship -- in other words, the more invested a man is in his female partner`s pleasure -- the narrower the orgasm gap becomes. And just because she`s not speaking up in bed doesn`t mean she`s actually enjoying sex. A 2012 study of college students found that in casual sexual situations, some women may worry about whether it is considered "acceptable" to speak up about their sexual desires. One study participant said, "It’s just not comfortable enough to be like, ‘You know, hey, this isn’t doing it for me." Women, at times, may also fear that men will think they`re too experienced if they clearly communicate what they like and don`t like, relationship counselor Debra Smouse told The Huffington Post. It`s worth staying engaged with your partner and speaking up if you sense that she`s not saying something. A simple "tell me what you like" can break down barriers and create a comfortable space where you both can both truly enjoy yourselves. Women can enjoy casual sex just as much as men. Stereotypically, men are seen as eager to acquire more notches on their proverbial bed posts, while women are perceived to be looking for true love over physical pleasure. However, a growing body of research has confirmed what most women already knew: Women aren`t actually less "open" to casual sex . In fact, a 2011 study found that women are just as likely to engage in casual sex as men, as long as the situation meets two requirements: B. Their sexual partner will be skilled and make the experience pleasurable. When these two factors are accounted for, the disparity in men`s and women`s willingness to have casual sex completely disappears. The average woman takes about 10 to 20 minutes to reach an orgasm during foreplay and vaginal intercourse. Men, on the other hand, typically take seven to 14 minutes to climax. And most women who do orgasm during a sexual encounter don`t do so through your typical penis-in-vagina sex alone -- many women require a variety of sexual acts to induce an orgasm. So make sure to ask her what she finds pleasurable. But if she doesn`t orgasm, don`t think it was all a waste of time. Sometimes, making orgasms the sole focus of a sexual experience can actually detract from sexual pleasure . Many women develop anxieties about reaching orgasm with their partners, which only makes it that much harder to have a good time. So don`t expect a woman to orgasm every single time. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a 2014 study suggests that orgasming may not be the chief measure of sexual satisfaction for every person. Again, communication is key. The value of an orgasm -- and a woman`s ability to regularly have one -- varies with each individual. If you feel like your touch isn`t turning her on, you probably just haven`t found the right place to touch yet. In a piece writer Jill Di Donato wrote for The Huffington Post in 2012, she asked 7 women about their erogenous zones. The responses ranged from the mouth to the ears to the arches of the feet, which one reader attributed to the 7,000 nerve endings we have down there. But it wasn`t just about the number of nerve endings -- some women said they enjoyed being touched in areas of their body that they feel particularly confident about. It`s worth taking the time to figure out what a woman loves most about her body and giving it more attention in the moment. And for some women, unfortunately, sex might not ever really feel good. Simple explanations for not having sex like "I`m tired" or "I don`t feel good," could suggest much more complicated issues. So it`s important not to dismiss these statements as "excuses to avoid sex." Though, sometimes a woman is just genuinely tired. And that`s ok, too. For some women, pain or discomfort during sex can be the result of couples prioritizing vaginal intercourse over other sexual acts . For other women, this discomfort may come from medical conditions which may make it difficult to fully engage in and enjoy sex. Researchers have consistently found that nearly half of women suffer from sexual dysfunctions of some sort, ranging from pain during sex to a consistently low libido. Then of course, there are specific conditions that make sex legitimately painful, such as vaginismus , which causes involuntary muscle spasms around the vagina, making it tighter and even closed at times. If your partner is experiencing any of these symptoms, it`s important not to take it personally and to be understanding. Above all, to have good sex, you need to be able to have good, honest communication. If you`re unsure how she`s feeling, just ask.
Want to get to know your new lover a lot better? Use these 60 revealing get-to-know-you questions to get to know everything you need to know. Relationships are all about compatibility. Even if there’s a lot of infatuation and sexual tension to start with, all it takes is a few wrong likes and dislikes to fall apart. For a relationship to be successful, both the partners can have different likes and dislikes, but their principles towards life and their approach towards the future have to be the same. If one of you likes working hard while the other person lives for the moment, it is bound to leave one of you with a few moments of repressed anger. Getting to know the one you love early into a relationship can help both of you learn more about each other faster. Sometimes, the right answers can make all the difference between a failed romance and a happy one. At Lovepanky, we’ve compiled 60 light hearted questions that you can ask your new mate, either through an email or by asking each other in person *though email would be preferable*. It may seem funny at first, but deep inside each of these questions is a subtle answer that tests your compatibility. Both of you don’t have to agree on the same answers. But when your new lover answers these questions for you, take a good look at each answer and ask yourself if you’re comfortable with the answers. Some of these answers will reveal your partner’s lifestyle and goals, while a few others will reveal the way they approach life. And a few more will reveal their sexual preferences and expectations from a partner. And when you do get the answers to these 60 questions, you’ll truly know if you’re in a relationship that can stand the test of time. These questions can be a laugh, but it’ll definitely help both of you get to know each other a lot more in no time. #1 Are you an animal lover or would you avoid keeping animals at home? #2 Do you like summer or winter? #3 Would you diet or would you work out? #4 What do you wear to bed? [Read: The right way to dress for sex ] #5 What’s your favorite clothing brand? #6 When was the last time you cried? #7 Which color reflects your personality and why? #8 In the animal kingdom, which animal would you be? #9 Do you like tattoos and body piercing? #10 How much PDA is acceptable? [Read: 10 public display of affection laws ] #11 How often do you take a shower? #12 What are your favorite magazines? #13 What are your favorite books? #14 What’s your favorite movie? #15 What’s your favorite music you’re listening to these days? #16 What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? #17 What’s your favorite vacation idea? #18 What’s your favorite food? #19 Who’s your favorite actor? #20 If you found a briefcase of money on the street, would you keep it? #22 Are you a gizmo person? #23 What kind of sport do you like? #24 Clubbing or candlelight dinner? #25 Earth Hour or Fourth of July fireworks? #26 Backpacking or a luxury hotel? #28 Are you a morning person? #29 What’s your philosophy in life? #30 When was the last time you were happy you lied? #31 What comes to your mind when you think of your exes? [Read: 13 secret signs your boyfriend is not over his ex ] #32 Are you an introvert or an extrovert? #33 What’s your idea of romance? #34 Would you like to live in the countryside or in a metropolitan area? #35 When did you lose your virginity? #36 What’s your favorite body part of the opposite sex? #37 What’s the wildest thing you’ve done sexually? [Read: Top 50 sexual kinky ideas for a sexy relationship ] #38 Do you think money can buy happiness? #40 Do you have any social causes that are close to your heart? #41 What do you do over the weekends? #42 Would you mind if I had a best friend of the opposite sex? [Read: Why guy best friends are nothing but trouble ] #43 Which was the worst phase in your life? #44 What was the happiest moment in your life? #45 Do you judge a book by its cover? #46 What’s your political stance? #47 Do you watch porn and what’s your view on it? #48 Do you believe in karma? #49 Do you plan your life or live for the moment? #50 Do you think life is fair? #51 If you were marooned on an island, what are the five things you would take with you? [Read: 25 sweet romantic gestures for everyday life ] #52 Would you sulk or would you confront? #53 Are you addicted to anything? #54 Any current news that’s caught your attention? #55 What are your favorite apps that you use often? #56 Are you an optimist or a pessimist? #57 What do you have for breakfast? #58 How often do you make your bed? #59 If you knew you were right, would you take a stand even if you know you would make a scene in public or would you let it go? #60 What’s an absolute no-no in a relationship? [Read: When should you say “I love you” for the first time in a relationship? ] Just ask your new lover these 60 get to know you questions, and by the time you’re down to the sixtieth question, you’d definitely know a lot more about each other and your compatibility. Liked what you just read? Like us on Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. Jessica Dawson is guilty of using way more emojis than are necessary, and is a lover of all things British. And when she isn’t working on mastering a fake Bri...
During vaginal sex the penis goes into the vagina. Foreplay is important. It gets you both sexually aroused and ready for penetrative sex. It makes vaginal sex more enjoyable for both partners. Having vaginal sex without using a condom puts you and your partner at risk of unplanned pregnancy, contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Put a condom on an erect penis before it touches or enters the vagina. Discussing safer sex is an important part of having sex. Sex can be a lot of fun and very pleasurable, but it’s also normal to have questions and worries. You might be thinking about having sex for the first time and are not sure where to start. Or maybe you want more information on how to make it pleasurable and safe? Whatever your situation here are answers to some common questions about vaginal sex. During vaginal sex (also known as penetrative vaginal sex, vaginal intercourse, sexual intercourse and just sex) the penis goes into the vagina. How do you have vaginal sex? There is no one right way of having vaginal sex, but there are a few things that you should think about before you do it. It’s important that both people are enthusiastic about having sex and that no one is feeling pressured or forced into doing anything they don’t want to do. Asking your partner and continuing to communicate as you progress is the best way to make sure you have their consent. It should also help make the experience more pleasurable for you both. Vaginal sex works best when both partners are aroused. This is why foreplay is important. Foreplay (sometimes called heavy petting) is about getting both people sexually aroused (or turned on) and ready for penetrative sex, through kissing, stroking, caressing, rubbing and touching. Sometimes people also have oral sex as part of foreplay. The more aroused you both are, the better sex is likely to feel. You’ll often know you’re getting aroused from certain physical signs: men get an erection, which means their penis will get bigger and harden. Foreplay should be enjoyable for both partners and you may choose to not go any further than this stage. Many couples enjoy having foreplay for a long time before they move on to having vaginal sex. If you are both ready to have vaginal sex, the arousal created through foreplay will help the penis enter the vagina more easily. We spent ages on foreplay, kissing, fingering and lots of oral as it was both of our first times. When we did decide to have sex, we used a condom and lots of lube and he was very gentle, kept asking me if he was hurting me and how I felt. It did hurt a bit, but not as much as I was expecting. When should I put on a condom? Once you are both aroused and ready to have sex you can put on a male condom . This can be done by you or your partner. You can only put a condom on an erect penis and you should do this before the penis touches or enters the vagina. If you are using a female condom it can be put in up to eight hours before sex. How do you get the penis into the vagina? When you are ready, it helps if one of you uses your hand to gently guide the penis into the vagina. Take your time, and don’t worry if it takes a few goes to guide it in properly – this is very normal, especially when you are both getting used to each other’s bodies. Once the penis is inside, you can move your bodies so that the penis pushes into the vagina and then pulls partly out again. Do what comes naturally and feels good - being slow and gentle is a good idea to start with so you can make sure you are both comfortable. He was very slow and rather than just pushing into me hard and fast, he took his time making sure I got used to his penis being inside me. He repeatedly asked me if I was ok or wanted him to stop. I told him no and I only felt slightly uncomfortable at first but then when he had fully entered me it felt amazing. He was slow and sensual. Remember that you can pause or stop at any point you want, the same is true for your partner. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue – stopping is actually very normal. If you are not feeling comfortable with what you are doing you have the right to stop! If your partner wants to stop respect their wishes. Will it hurt - and will the woman bleed? It can take a bit of time to get used to the sensation of sex, and some women can find it a little uncomfortable or painful at first. However, the pain should not be intense and if at any time the pain is too strong then you should stop. Taking things slowly, making sure the woman is fully aroused and using a good water-based lubrication (oil-based lubricants like massage oils or Vaseline can cause a condom to break) can help penetration feel more comfortable. If it`s a woman’s first time having sex she may bleed a little. This is generally nothing to worry about. Though it’s perfectly normal to bleed the first time you have sex, it’s also perfectly normal not to bleed. If you continue to bleed every time you have sex then it’s a good idea to speak to a healthcare professional to check it’s nothing to worry about. What is the best position for vaginal sex? There is no one best position and different people will enjoy different things. One common position involves the woman lying down, with the man lying or sitting on top (also called the ‘missionary position’). However there are many different possible positions, the woman can be on top, - or you can both lie on your sides. You don’t have to be facing each other – some people like having vaginal sex from behind – meaning the woman’s back is turned towards the man. It is easiest to choose a position you both feel comfortable with and one that you can get into easily if you are having sex for the first time. As you get to know each other’s bodies better, you can experiment with different positions and work out what you both like. After a while you might find certain movements, positions and ways of touching that lead to one or both of you having an orgasm (also called ‘coming’ or ‘climaxing’). Don’t be too concerned if this doesn’t happen straight away or even at all. It takes time to get to know what works for you sexually – and for your partner – and sex can be enjoyable whether you climax or not. You may want to experiment with sex toys, or having anal sex and oral sex as well as vaginal sex. Remember that if you do move from anal sex to vaginal sex you should put on a new condom to make sure you do not infect the vagina with bacteria. What are the risks of pregnancy, STIs and HIV from vaginal sex? Having vaginal sex without using a condom, even if it’s your first time, means you run the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, and puts you and your partner at risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) including HIV . If you’ve had unprotected sex make sure you seek healthcare advice as soon as possible. You’ll be able to access emergency contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and if you are worried that you have been exposed to HIV, you can take post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV infection. While there are many different options for contraception, only condoms will protect you and your partner from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV. Talking to your partner about protection before you start having sex will help things go more smoothly. Being safe will help you both feel more relaxed and make sex more enjoyable. Though you might find bringing up the subject of safer sex embarrassing, it’s an important part of having sex. If you find it too difficult to discuss using protection then it could be a sign that you aren’t ready to start having sex just yet. That’s fine – remember that there are lots of ways to enjoy being together and to explore your sexual feelings until the time is right. Deciding whether to have sex is a very personal thing. The main things to consider are whether it feels right, and whether you and your partner are both sure. Our article ‘ Am I ready for sex? ’ will help you think about this. Photo credit: ©iStock.com/monkeybusinessimages. Photos are used for illustrative purposes. They do not imply any health status or behaviour on the part of the people in the photo.
Of all the sex acts, In The Butt remains one of the most misunderstood. Generally speaking, anal sex isn`t the first thing that comes to mind when you are thinking of mutually pleasurable things to do with a partner. Instead, the urban sex legend goes, "Guys want it because they`ve heard it`s tighter than normal sex and they`ve seen it in porn, and girls occasionally acquiesce as a bargaining chip/reward/very special birthday present." But that, quite frankly, is some bull shit. Plenty of women do butt stuff because they like it, full stop. Here, four women who have actually tried it get real about their motives, their preparation process, and whether it`s ever gotten them off. Probably the No. 1 thing everyone wants to know is ... does it hurt? Woman A: For me, it did. That first time was like, "Oh dear god, nothing is supposed to go in there." You really have to relax. Like a lot of deep breathing and you have to let everything go. Then it kinda stops hurting when you finally relax, but for me, it can get bad again when he starts thrusting. I read that putting in a plug during foreplay helps a lot, but I`ve never used one. Woman B: Yes! If it didn`t, this wouldn`t be a topic of conversation. Woman C: It definitely hurt the first few times. Now? It doesn`t hurt at all and mostly feels good. Woman D: If you go at it without any preparation, it hurts a lot. It’s better when you start with a finger and try to widen the hole so it doesn’t hurt. Woman A: I decided to try it because I`d heard it can be really pleasant and some girls can orgasm from it. It`s also really taboo and naughty, and I`m one of those girls who likes that. So I thought I`d give it a shot. Woman B: I usually only do it when drunk and if trying to impress the lucky dude I`m with. Woman C: Knowing that it`s kind of taboo in a way makes it a huge turn on. And having sex when you`re super turned on (instead of like, routine post-date night sex) is way more satisfying overall. In my experience, anal is never the main event. It’s more like afterplay, or even the big finale. It’s usually for just five minutes after we’ve been having intercourse for a while (20–30 minutes.) After anal intercourse, sex is officially over because if I have an orgasm, there’s no way I can continue. That’s how good anal sex is! Woman D: Sometimes it feels better than regular sex, and other times it’s because it’s my time of the month and I don’t want to do anything else. Who wanted to do it more — you or the guy? Woman A: Me. I had heard that some girls love it, so I wanted to try it. The guy I`m with is not really into it, which is part of the reason I`ve only done it three times. Woman B: Him. When it happens, it`s because I`ve conceded. Depends on how much I`m into him ... and afterward, I kind of feel like he "owes me something." Woman C: I`ve done it with a few guys and it`s always been a mutual desire. Woman D: The guy definitely wanted it more – he initiated it. Most guys I know have this crazy infatuation with butts and anal. What does it feel like the first time? Woman A: It`s weird. It feels tight and not pleasant. It feels like a muscle cramp. Like you`re trying to open a muscle and stretch it out and it doesn`t want to listen. That`s what it feels like at first. I didn`t like it. And then you relax and it feels a little better. Woman B: At first, extremely unpleasant. Kinda feels like a penis going in your anus. Woman C: The first time it feels like an uncomfortable medical procedure. Woman D: The first time is awful and will make you never want to do it again, but with the right guy, it can be fun. What does it feel like over time? Woman A: It feels like you`re full and it`s super-intense. Woman C: Over time, you know what to expect and how to enjoy it. It also hurts less because you`re not as tense and nervous (if you liked it the first time, that is!) Woman D: You never really get used to the initial thrust, but once you know what to expect it’s pretty enjoyable. Does it ever feel good? Woman A: I know some girls who love it ... [but] it`s one of those things that definitely takes more than one try to see if you like it. Woman B: It never really feels good. Just becomes more tolerable, I suppose. It also depends on the size of his manhood. Woman C: Yes! Anal sex feels great when you`re with someone who lets YOU be in control of the speed and force, if that makes sense. Plus you have to combine with vaginal or clitoral stimulation for it to feel really good. Woman D: Yes – though it depends on the guy, the mood, and if I’m really turned on. Woman A: I don`t think you have to get waxed. In the beginning of my relationship, I`d get Brazilians, but now I rarely wax for him. So I wasn`t waxed. [But] it might the girl feel more comfortable if she is waxed, if she worries about that stuff. Woman B: No, a wax isn`t required ... I suppose any dude who`s into anal wouldn`t be so particular as to request a smooth entryway. Woman C: I don`t think it`s expected, honestly. If a guy is doing anal with you, he probably doesn`t care about a little bit of natural body hair back there. Woman D: I’ve never really heard of people getting that waxed unless it’s part of a Brazilian wax. On average, how soon in the relationship — if it`s a dating scenario — do you think it generally happens? Woman A: We had been together for seven months before we did it. But I know girls who do it when they first hook up with a guy. But those are the girls who love it. Woman B: Hmm ... in my experience, if he`s into it, you know soon into the relationship. This type of "fetish" isn`t easily concealed, in my opinion. Woman C: At least six months to a year in, when you`ve already explored the more general sexual activities thoroughly and feel comfortable with each other to get even more intimate. Woman D: With my ex, I waited about a year to even try it. It was my first time and it was super painful – almost made me never want to do it again. I have only done it with two different guys, and [the other] was a fourth date when we both had a little too much to drink. But it was fun! Woman A: Lots of lube! Like, lube on me and lube on him. I couldn`t even imagine doing it without lube. Woman B: Lots. Any kind. Even saliva if nothing else is available. Woman C: Lube is tricky because you don`t know if it will feel okay until you try it. The first time I used lube during anal sex (I think it was KY ) I actually felt an uncomfortable tingling sensation when the anal intercourse started that wore off eventually, but it wasn`t very pleasant. I`m not a lube expert but we`ve now been using Wet Platinum Premium Silicone and it`s perfect for the occasion. Woman D: I hate lube so I use coconut oil for everything. Woman A: I didn`t bleed (well, at least not that I know of). But I feel like it`s totally possible, especially if the guy forces it or you don`t use lube (cringe). Woman D: I never have, but I think it’s possible. Do you spread a towel on the bed or anything? Woman A: I`m not really sure why you would? I feel like it isn`t more messy than normal sex. Woman B: Sheet stains are a risk and should be considered collateral damage. Woman C: Nope, no towel either. Unless you`re using the entire bottle of lube (probably not recommended) anal sex isn`t any messier than vaginal sex in my experience. Woman D: Sometimes! It really all depends on where you’re doing it and if you’re concerned that it’s going to get messy. Is there a big cleanup afterward? Woman A: I don`t think there`s a big cleanup. Especially if you have a condom. Just slip it off and that`s all the cleanup we needed. Woman C: Not in my experience! For me, it`s something that only lasts five minutes. You have to listen to your body. Woman D: Other than being covered in coconut oil, I’ve never really experienced a big mess. Are there useful things re: angles that we should know? Woman A: I did it doggy style the first time and then I did it with him sitting on a couch (I was on top with my back to his chest sitting on him). The second is definitely better. And according to two gay guys I know, the correct way to do it is to have the girl on top and she can ease herself down and go at her own pace, and once that happens you can flip yourself over so he`s on top now and then you can do whatever you want. But the most important is for the girl to go at her own pace. Woman B: I think doggy style is most conducive. Woman C: Yes! Doggy style is the easiest to start with. I`ve tried other positions but found doggy to be the best one. Woman D: Doing it doggy style is the most comfortable way, but I’ve heard of women getting on top and riding the guy. Woman D: YES. The more lubrication down there, the better. Have you ever had an orgasm from anal sex alone? Woman A: No, but I`ve heard it`s possible. Woman B: Nope, but then again, I`ve never had one from vaginal penetration alone. Woman C: No. My #1 tip for pleasurable anal sex is to do it doggy style, and while your man is thrusting away (slowly at first!) use your hand to stimulate your clitoris. If you can bring yourself to orgasm this way during anal sex, you`ll see why people like it so much. Woman D: Nope – but I don’t orgasm from regular sex alone either. This post was originally published in 2014 and has been updated.
The basic steps involved in seducing a woman are: Make her feel sexually attracted to you. Connect with her on emotional level. However, as simple as that seems, the truth is that a guy will find it very difficult to seduce a woman if he feels nervous or shy around her, or if he doesn’t know how to flirt and make her feel sexual attraction for him. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men (e.g. confidence) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. nervousness, shyness, anxiety, insecurity, etc). The more confident you are as a guy, the more natural and easy it is to seduce a woman. In fact, when you have the level of confidence that an alpha male has, women will try to seduce YOU. There are many different alpha male traits that women love to see in guys. One simple way of showing her that you are alpha and not like 80% of the guys she meets, is to be a bit of a challenge. Make her work to attracted and to get you really interested in her, then let her have the privilege of having sex with you. How Confident Are You Around the Types of Women You Want to Seduce? So, the question is: How confident are you around the types of women you want to seduce? If you lack confidence around a woman and instead show signs of nervousness, shyness and insecurity, don’t expect her to want to have sex with you; she’s not going to be feeling turned on by you. To seduce a woman, you have to start by making her feel sexually attracted to you. Only after she feels that way, will she then truly open up and want to connect with you emotionally. When that happens, she will want to get physical by kissing you and having sex with you. Do You Have a Particular Woman in Mind? Most of the guys who want to know how to seduce a woman already know of a particular woman that they are looking to seduce. Maybe it’s a girl at school, a woman at work, a friend of a friend or even your neighbour. Whatever the case for you, I am here to help and I will not only show how to seduce this woman into having sex with you, but I will also explain exactly how to seduce new women that you meet. I have personally had sex with more than 250 women, so seducing women into sex and love is something that I know a LOT about. Guys who come to me for help are often making the mistake of trying to become a woman’s “friend” in the hope that she will eventually want to have sex with him. That storyline works out in the movies in TV drama series, but in real life, an alpha male simply comes along, makes a woman feel sexual attraction to his confidence, flirts with her and then escalates to kissing and sex. Being really nice to her or trying to be her innocent friend is not only the slowest way to seduce a woman, it is the way that results in REJECTION most of the time. A common mistake that guys make when they want to seduce a woman into a loving relationship, is thinking that it is all about the “connection’ they have with her. Based on this thinking, the man then tries to become really good friends with the woman and make her see him as a super nice, sweet, loyal, innocent guy. A good connection is an important part of courting a woman, but if she doesn’t feel sexual attraction for you, then it is simply a friendship. All it will take for you to be slammed further into the dreaded friend zone is for a confident guy to come along, make her feel attraction, connect with her and then escalate to kissing and sex with her. The guys who enjoy easy, natural and consistent success with women are those who TURN THE TABLES by getting women to seduce them instead. The best part is that women actually WANT it to be that way; they prefer guys who aren’t desperate to be with them. Have you ever heard a woman say, “I want man who is a challenge” or noticed that the types of guys whom women CHASE AFTER are those who don’t desperately try to impress women? That is not a coincidence. At The Modern Man, our whole approach to success with women is about switching the roles so that women try to seduce you. It is SO MUCH EASIER this way because when you try hard to seduce a woman like most guys do, she notices and: a) Puts up her guard. b) Plays hard to get. c) Feels like she has more value in the situation. At The Modern Man, we teach special “undetectable” techniques that you can use to make a woman feel like YOU are the valuable one and that SHE should be chasing you. No doubt you have seen women behave like that around guys who are just normal, average guys right? It happens all the time, but only SOME guys know how to do it. Most guys think that success with women is all about looks, height, muscles or money. However, we’ve all seen ugly guys hooking up with beautiful women. Why? It’s not about looks for most women…and SOME guys know that. Are You Serious About Learning How to Seduce Women? There are millions of “dating advice” sites online that have articles written by men and women who are NOT successful with women. They are just making up their tips as they type because they want to have a lot of articles on their site. That’s where The Modern Man is different. We are actual experts at approaching, talking to and seducing women. Everything that we teach here at The Modern Man has been TESTED by us in our own lives and by our 1,000s of happy customers from all over the world. If you want real advice on how to seduce women, don’t go looking on random websites for “tips” from anyone who can write text on a website. If you want to learn how to seduce women for real, then consider learning from real experts like us. 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Learn what he really wants in the bedroom and why, with these genius sex tips and advice. Freud called female sexuality "the dark continent"; if that`s true, male sexuality could qualify as the dark planet. But when it comes to sex, guys are simple, right? Not true. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, and as such, what you see and hear is typically the role, not the reality. It`s no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a guy`s true identity. Here are 10 "unmasking" facts you may want to know: It`s believed that men are so consumed by our libido that we have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments as catalysts for sexual confidence. This praise can be delivered before reaching the bedroom (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look), and after (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look naked). Along those lines, men worry about the size of their guts (and other measurable organs), their hair (or lack thereof) and other attributes. Try to be extra affirming about those sensitivities. …but not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins—of words, thoughts, feelings—and our desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men—not because it`s smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it. What`s a woman to do? First, understand that your guy`s hasty retreat post-sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he`s denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his boyhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly. Having said that about intimacy, sometimes a little "throw-me-down sex" is the right medicine. According to Joe Kort, PhD, a psychotherapist and sexologist, "Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it`s not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her." On occasion, try letting him ravish you. The penis gets all the press, but men have "many erogenous zones," says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. "Men tend not to correct women because they`re afraid women will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places a woman should touch." Like the chest, the inner thighs and face. Two other key areas: Gently gripping a man`s testicles can be a real turn-on, as it blends control with release. Also, stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will heighten pleasure during oral sex. "Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them," says Dr. Kort. Similarly, Dr. Schaefer reports that men wish women would reveal their imaginings. Want to open yourself to these possibilities? Try making a game of it . First, and most important, promise not to judge the other; then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. When you are next intimate, pull one out. If you`re both comfortable, give it a shot. If not, Dr. Kort recommends asking the author a key question: What about this fantasy do you like? Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different, more comfortable scenarios. Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears. What kind of talk? Dirty, praising and instructive are great starts. As amusing as it may sound, a woman`s words can make a guy feel as potent and virile as a Roman gladiator, even if he`s a suburban banker. Sex can solve the stresses of a relationship, but it`s often where the stresses show up. If we complain about a lack of sex (or your doing certain things only on our birthday), we may be overlooking serious issues that underpin such withholding. We need you to enlighten us. The male ego is often tied to sex, so it`s easy for us to dismiss bedroom problems as female disinterest rather than issues we have a part in. Avoiding these problems, however, only perpetuates your feeling unseen and our frustration. Men like a good quest; unfortunately, these days, there are so few. But romance earns that distinction. Allow us to court you; make us deserve your desire. Dr. Kort makes an additional point: "Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance." How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls "separate sexuality": a sexual life that doesn`t include, but doesn`t betray, the other. "For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use toys or letting other men look at her; for her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy." Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties. Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, says Dr. Kort, but it shouldn`t be overreacted to or pathologized. A few things to clear up: 1. Sex addicts represent only 4 percent of the population, so it`s unlikely your man is one. 2. Because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on. In other words, says Dr. Kort, "no woman can, nor should she, be everything to a man." Still, the question remains: How does a woman not take pornography personally? First, determine if your mate is compulsive, or can only have sex, with pornography. If so, you may want to seek counseling. If not, Dr. Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography by discussing it. Use the lens of "what about it turns him on versus what turns you off." That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity and closeness. Men are accused of being sexually insatiable, but women should rethink this. "Men see sex as a celebration," says Dr. Schaefer. "They wish women would take more of a `carpe diem` approach to it. We move through life at the speed of sound, with multiplying challenges and pressures. It`s easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure and opportunity that sex affords us. On the long list of priorities, it should not be on the bottom rung." If that doesn`t make you want to "seize the day" (or something else), consider the health benefits: Orgasms release oxytocin, which has been called the "bonding hormone," bringing couples closer together while it alleviates anxiety and stress, reduces blood pressure and promotes healing.
If you want to seduce a woman, the best sex tips focus on her brain. There’s a pretty good chance you’re ignoring the sexiest female organ of all: her brain. “Many guys crash and burn in their quest to be a great lover because they forgot that the most important part of her body is her mind,” says Reef Karim, M.D., author of Why Does She Do That? Why Does He Do That? and the director of The Control Center, a sex , drugs, and relationship treatment center in Beverly Hills. 1. Be patient. When you have a new woman’s attention and you’re working to close the deal, don’t rev your engines prematurely. “You don’t want to come across like a predator,” says Dr. Karim. “No girl wants to hook up with a creeper.” To avoid that vibe, don’t stare too much, don’t be too touchy-feely, or get too physical too soon. “When a woman is worried you could hurt her, it’s over. So much of her enjoyment is about feeling safe.” Are you making these moves? 2. Think about ambience. Girls instinctually appreciate that candles and mood lighting are romantic. That’s probably not your own natural instinct, but it’s an easy angle that steers girls in a sexy direction. “Guys don’t care if candles are lit or not,” says Dr. Karim. “We don’t care if it’s dark and we can’t see or if all the lights are on.” But girls may be more insecure about their bodies, so setting the lighting so that it’s dim enough that she doesn’t have to be overly self-conscious will up your odds of a steamy night. 3. Play to her sense of smell. A pleasant aroma—mixed with a cocktail of pheromones—goes a long way toward turning everyone on, since your olfactory sense is the strongest. “Incense and natural smells are always better than cheesy cologne,” says Dr. Karim. “Drakkar Noir is now a repellent like mosquito spray.” Individual smell preferences differ from woman to woman, so impress her even more by asking if she prefers the scent of sandalwood, roses—or a garlicky tomato sauce instead. “A little research into what she likes can go a long way in the bedroom.” Real advice from real women. 4. Turn on some tunes. The music needs to go with the theme of the night, but it shouldn`t be too distracting. The focus should be on you and her, not your own personal playlist. “Death metal may turn you on, but it doesn`t turn on many women,” says Dr. Karim. “I think music is less specific than smells. You can throw on some Sade or Marvin Gaye, and at the worst she’ll think it’s cheesy, but at least it’s not a distractor. There is certain music that goes with a little bit of romance, but other music is a turnoff.” And again, asking her what she likes to listen to is a surefire way to impress. 5. Find common ground. Before you launch into your come-back-to-my-place lines, talk about shared moments from the night you’ve shared. “For women, it’s all about mood and timing, and sex talk too early is a big risk,” says Dr. Karim. So much of the seduction talk is a dance. “You meet a woman in a bar, and she knows it could go somewhere—and so do you—so roll with it. Eventually you will get her back to your place, but don’t talk about it. If you tell her she should see your bed, it looks like you’re predetermined, and for a woman, that usually ruins it.” 6. Be confident—not egomaniacal. There’s a very fine line between the two. “Confidence is rooted in, ‘I am comfortable with myself and I believe in what I’m doing,’ and being ego-driven is primarily based in insecurity,” says Dr. Karim. “Confidence comes from the inside out, and ego is coming from the outside in.” So don’t brag about your sweet wheels or that you’re tight with a hot-shot club promoter, let the cool things about you leak out more subtly. A guy with humility is far sexier to a woman than a show-off. “The guys who are most comfortable in their own skin get the most women. A six-pack doesn`t hurt, but it`s not necessary.” 7. Make her laugh. Appealing to a woman’s sense of humor immediately ups your odds of getting her to have sex with you. To wit: Russell Brand is almost frightening to look at, but you can’t argue his success in the sack. Just make sure she`s laughing with you and not at you. “Unless clowns are a turn on for her,” says Dr. Karim. But even if you’re being funny, if you come across like you`re reciting a guy`s pick up manual, you`re going to blow it. “Be yourself. Unless you`re a douchebag. Then be less douchey.”