How a husband and wife have sex
My Husband and I Had Sex Every Day for a Year Heres How Were Doing NowIt didnt make our relationship divorceproof, but it did make me more confident.Most PopularAug 29, 2016Three years ago I had sex every single day, for one whole year .To answer the most popular questions Ive been asked since: No, it was not with 365 men. It was with one, my husband . Yes, even while I was on my period. I have no idea what my kids were doing while we were having sex. I assume not watching us. And finally, no, I didnt do it to save my marriage . I did it to save myself, the effect it had on my marriage was merely a perk.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowShortly after having my third child, I remember getting out of the shower, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and wondering, Who let my mom in here? From that point on, I didnt let myself be naked. I kept the lights off during sex , hid my stomach and boobs inside a camisole, and I waited for my husband to leave the bedroom before barreling from the shower to my closet to get dressed.As the years went by, the absence of my naked body began to worry me. Did my husband, Andy, even know what I looked like naked anymore? Could he draw a nude picture of me that didnt also have a giant duvet over my body or a Spanx seam running vertically down my stomach?Most PopularI came up with the idea to have sex for a year after speaking with a friend whod done just that, every night of her marriage.Its just something we do, she said flatly. As routine as daylight, she and her husband had had sex every day since theyd gotten married, and they were one of the most loving, hilarious and strong couples Id known.Brittany Gibbons and her husband, Andy.Courtesy of Brittany GibbonsHaving sex every day for a year seemed obnoxious, but also an intriguing way to force myself into facing my body each day. I mean eventually, the covers would have to come off and the lights would have to stay on, right?Andy, as expected, was on board. And for a whole year, save for being parted by travel or the stomach flu, we had sex with each other.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowIt started off rough. Id be standing at the sink taking out my contacts when itd hit me ... I still had to have sex before falling asleep. As a work from home mom of three, the thought exhausted me. It wasnt that sex was a chore that I dreaded, but allotting time out of my day to do it felt impossible and selfish and draining. I just wanted to lay in bed and watch The Tonight Show and eat cereal and not have anyone touch me.But as the months passed, I started looking forward to it. Sex begat more sex, and those connected, loved up feelings began to creep outside of the bedroom or in our case, the laundry room, the closet and our garage and into our everyday lives. We were more romantic with each other, touching arms as we passed, kissing longer before work and not just the cold familiar peck. Our relationship was stronger and better when our intimacy was flourishing.I was no longer hyperaware of the sounds my curvy body was making.On a personal level, the changes in the way I saw my body were staggering. Three months in, I found myself enjoying sex again, making a playlist of songs that turned me on and was no longer hyperaware of the sounds my curvy body was making. Like the way my thighs clapped together or my tummy smacked his.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowSix months in, I took off the cami Id hidden my body inside of, not caring that my boobs plopped off into my armpits. For the first time, I was more concerned with every part of sex that felt good than finding a flattering angle to hide my stomach or back fat. My body was being enjoyed by the both of us, equally.A year in, I stopped wearing clothes entirely. At least, I assume that is what my kids would say. I stopped that primal run from the shower, and now lazily walked to the closet naked. I made school lunches in my underwear, and didnt reflexively pull away when Andy came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. My relationship with my husband, and my body, had changed in amazing ways.Most PopularNow, three years later, were still having sex every single night.Oh my God, Im joking.I totally dont have sex with my husband every day, not anymore. Not because were sick of each other although Ill admit, my pelvis and thighs welcomed the rest but because were humans, not robots. However, the effects and lessons from the experience are still apparent in our marriage even now.Courtesy of Brittany GibbonsFirst, we learned that its hard and thats normal. The majority of people around you are not having sex every single day. Theyre busy being stressed at work, coordinating their kids soccer schedules and paying bills. Fitting sex into all of that is difficult, but for us, its necessary. Sex is what reminds us that were intimate partners and not just roommates in charge of keeping kids alive.Second, we learned the exact amount of sex life we need to keep us happy in our marriage, and were able to adjust our lives around that.I no longer freak out if two weeks pass and we forget to have sex, because we work to connect in other ways. Intimacy doesnt always mean penetration. Sometimes its making out on the couch like teenagers, sometimes its Andy triple checking the DVR to make sure all my fall TV shows are set to record. We all get to decide what turns us on. The point is, the effort to show love to each other is there.Lastly, I learned that I am a better wife, a better mother and a better woman when I take the time to be secure in my relationship and selfish about feeling good about myself. I am not the best version of myself when I am insecure and panicky. Im basically a walking vague relationship Facebook post.I am so much more focused when worrying about my sex life is off the table. Or on the table, depending on if its a school day and Andy calls off work. Okay, enough sex puns.Having regular sex with my husband isnt making my marriage divorceproof or immune to infidelity or angst, but it is helping me feel confident enough in my skin to survive it if it does happen.I used to joke that I never wanted to have to be in a position to date again, because my body wasnt showroom ready. While I naturally hope to stay married to Andy until the end of time, and should I die first, haunt him, I dont have that fear anymore, because my definition of desirable has changed.It was never about anyone wanting me, it was about me wanting myself. And it only took an entire year of getting laid to figure that out.Sign up for the Good Housekeeping NewsletterPlease enter a valid email address.Sign UpThank You!You have chosen to receive our newsletter at . 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Answered Jan 29As much as they each seperatly want. So for instance, if the wife is wanting sex 4 nights a week and the husband wants it only 2 nights but on DIFFERENT nights, The couple should have sex 6 TIMES IN ONE WEEK. Basically if you are married, and obviously there is no illness, injury or for spiritual reasons, when one partner is up for it I believe its the best thing for the marriage to go for it!Notice I didnt say best thing for the individual because its not about the individual needs so much as it should be about what is good for the marriage.And. Im A womanwho gets less than enough sex in my own marriage. and it is not cool.Vanita PlabraAnswered Feb 6 Author has 91 answers and 16.9k answer viewsWhat amount of sex makes individuals most joyful? Is there an enchantment number of times each week the normal couple should go for to keep the two accomplices upbeat in overnight boardinghouse?Generally, specialists say sex include for regards to a fourth of the aggregate satisfaction of a relationship.Be that as it may, new examinations uncover a wide range of fascinating and conflicting prove on how much sex adds to long haul relationship fulfillment. Heres the most recent on whos most joyful doing what.The couple guaranteed toward the finish of their sexfuelled year, they felt more joyful, less irate and less pushed. From that point forward, several writers and different couples have taken the test with shifting achievement.Day by day sex is a major request most bustling individuals and more sex isnt really something worth being thankful for.
Share1.3k sharesEmmanuel Dupic, prosecutor at the towns criminal court, said: The husband exercised a psychological power over his wife, preventing her from stopping submitting herself to the sexual needs of customers who were sometimes very tough.The couple, who have been married for 10 years, were arrested last Tuesday, but only the man was charged with pimping, and faces a decade in prison.Prostitution is legal in France, but it is against the law to solicit for business. The man is said to have used four internet sites and text messages to organise clients for his wife.He now faces a criminal trial, and has been released on bail.Share or comment on this article
SexOne hour sex rule: I have sex with my husband as soon as hes through the front doorLate home from work, kids playing up, not had a shower? So what, says Natasha Bell. You need to have sex within 60 minutes of getting through the front doorThe one hour sex rule: can you make it work?Photo: AlamyBy Natasha Bell7:00AM GMT 02 Nov 2015Late last night, my husband returned from a work trip to find me scraping the bottom of a casserole dish. He listed all the ways he was shattered. Then I listed all the ways I was.Right, I said. Lets do it.Gritting our teeth, we plodded upstairs to have sex. This cheered us up so much that we bounded back downstairs and cooked dinner a deux (which we then ate separate rooms, because he had a date with the rugby and I fancied an episode of Veep).Rewind this scene take the sex out of the sandwich and youd just have two tired people, eating in resentful isolation and fighting for custody of the ketchup (not to mention the remote).Make a one hour rule Photo: AlamyThat was us a few years back. My husband travelled a lot with work I stayed put with the kids. Reunions, when they came, were loaded and if we didnt get off on the right foot, it could take days to get back on track.So we devised the onehour rule: when he returns from a trip, no matter how fraught, fetid or unwashed we both are, we have to have sex within 60 minutes of him walking through the front door.It works, because it gives sex a deadline. And deadlines work. Just think of all the things youve ticked off your todo list today. Now think how much more fun youd have had by striking off client phone call at 7am and replacing it with shag.Everyone bangs on about sex being a gift. Id rather call it a chore if chore means necessary job to keep our life together. More to the point, chore means itll actually get done.When it comes to our sexual template, I say: forget the Kama Sutra, look to rubbish collection day. Its pouring with rain, youre late for work, but you still manage to put the bins out no matter how soggy or breathless it leaves you. Why cant the same rule apply to sex ?Not romantic? Maybe, but its a lot more romantic than splitting up. Chartered psychologist, Dr Carie Schuster identifies stress as the biggest killer of your sexlife.The obligatory stock picture of feet which represents a couple having sex Photo: GETTY IMAGESWhether this stress comes from careers, kids or juggling both its lynching our libidos. In 1990, women (aged 1644) in livein relationships were enjoying sex around six times a month. By 2000, that was down to four times. Crack on at this rate, and soon none of us will be having sex at all.Just like Kelly.Once a complete saucebucket, my 35 yearold pal hasnt had sex with her husband since the birth of their first child, six months ago. Having always set the bar high when it comes to the act of love, my nowknackered chum finds she cant fire at all.Dr Schuster finds this a common reaction: Many of us, when stressed, think if I cant have good sex, Im not going to have sex at all.But delaying for the perfect moment means sex becomes too big a thing.Dont wait for the perfect moment Photo: BBCMy longmarried pal Vanessa describes herself (somewhat mournfully) as always wanting sex. But her husband is never in the mood. He says he needs candles and a massage and who has time for that?Much happier is my 33 yearold sister. A tired new mum, shes nonetheless reengaged with her sex life.Truth is, good sex doesnt require much. You can take each other to heaven and back in less time than it takes to find the tinopenerFortunately, Im an incredibly lazy lover, she says. It takes the pressure off both of us. By keeping standards low, theyre enjoying regular, loving sex, until theyre ready to get creative again (or not. Theyre parents now who are we kidding?)Truth is, good sex doesnt require much. You can take each other to heaven and back in less time than it takes to find the tinopener. Davina McCall was recently pilloried for telling wives to keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if youre absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.In fact, she was just suggesting donning sexy pants precisely the sort of lowlevel adventuring I advocate.Davina McCall tries to please her husband Matthew Robertson Photo: David FisherREXRather than sex being a reward for romance, it should be the catalyst for it. Your partner is annoying you? Have sex! Turn friction to passion, and enjoy the sparks.One pal still speaks fondly of a furious bout of marital lovemaking: His head was bobbing over mine, and I just wanted to bite his nose off. She didnt, of course. They rode each other to ecstasy, then trotted gamely back to discussing how to mend the dishwasher.Because sex can be the most wonderful shortcut to intimacy. When a knackered couple ends up in a grateful tangle, hearts beating hard, they may finally miraculously feel ready to try something really exciting: a conversation.
10 Things I Learned by Having Sex with My HusbandRead how one womans marriage improved after she ramped up the nooky factorBy Carolyn EvansApr 26, 2011Im probably a lot like you: I work, have a family, and manage a household, so the pace of my days usually rivals the speed of light. And, as it often happens, sex got pushed to the bottom of my todo list. Luckily, just as my 13year marriage was poised for a nosedive, I came up with an idea that resurrected my sex life and saved my marriage. Heres what happened: For his 40th birthday I gave my husband the gift of 40 straight days of sex on a whim. The next morning, I panicked, realizing I could never survive that much sexphysically or emotionally. Desperate to make my gift more manageable, I tweaked my original offer and gave him 40 beadseach one good for a roll in the hay. Those beads changed everything about our life together and eventually became The Forty Beads Method, detailed in my new book Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage . Here are 10 surprising marriage lessons I learned when I got better at getting busy with my husband.1. When it comes to love, it pays big to pay it forward. Sometimes, when you give a truly selfless gift, what you get in return is your own hearts greatest desire. In other words, I didnt give my husband those beads because I wanted more sex. I was perfectly fine with our marginalatbest sex life. I gave him those beads because I knew he wanted more sex. And what Ive gotten in return is the loving, connected relationship Ive always wanted. Sure, I took a risk, loosening my grip on the sexual power in my relationship, but the risk was so worth the reward.Advertisement Continue Reading Below2. Creating a sense of abundance around sex changes everything. Seriouslyits so true. Before I stumbled across The Forty Beads Method, my husband never felt like there was enough sex in his life. Sound familiar? I now realize that his dour assessment of his sexual situation created a sense of lack that permeated our whole relationship.(And, by the way, he was rightour sex life was in the toilet.) Giving my husband those beads created a major shift, from a sense of lack to a sense of abundance around sex, which immediately triggered a deluge of love, altruism and gratitude that changed everything about our relationship. He started going out of his way to fill my needslike offering to pick up the kids from school or just taking out the trash without being asked. Now, you might say he shouldve been doing those things before. And maybe so, but after 13 years of marriage, lets just say we werent giving each other our best selves. After I tossed him those beads, we suddenly had an abundance of sweet little gestures, laughter and love bouncing back and forth between us. Sound like magic? I knowI think so, too, but really, its all about abundance.3. A healthy, habitual sex life continually moves a relationship forward. Sex keeps a couple connected and keeps a relationship moving forwardprogressing and evolving. Not having sex keeps a relationship stuck, or worse, kicks it headlong into a tailspin. I swam against the current of not enough sexin my marriage for years until I found an easy, fun way to go with the flow. Using The Forty Beads Method, Ive learned to continually make choices that keep my relationship in forward motion, getting better with every passing day. Sure, we still have our rough moments, but we maintain a positive gradenot a negative oneall the time.Advertisement Continue Reading Below4. Saying yesis way more fun than saying no. Remember the Jim Carrey movie Yes Man where his character kept saying yes to whatever came his way? Sure, it caused some problems, but in the end, his life got way better. Ive found that saying yes to sex with my husband on a regular basis has an expansive, opening effect on my own heart. Maybe the difference is that I live most days in positive alignment with what I wantan intimate, closely bonded relationship with my partner. We both continually rise above what threatens to pull us apartand after 13 years of marriage, there were times when an upended toilet seat was enough to unravel a perfectly fine morning. That doesnt happen anymore.5. Anticipation is key. Ladies, anticipation is where its atfor you and him. This is something I realized after getting busy with the beads and, honestly, Im not sure I would have come to this realization without them. With The Forty Beads Method, youve got your bead catcher (a little bowl by your bed) and he comes along and drops a bead into it, which triggers the anticipation process since it signals sex is on the horizon. As a result, you both start thinking about each otherand about coming together intimatelyinstead of focusing on the minutiae of the day. That anticipation is what gets you in the mood. And when youre in the mood, well, things tend to play out a whole lot better in bed, dont they?6. More Sex Better Sex You always hear this, and I never wanted to think this could be true, but it absolutely is. Now, I dont go into any specific betweenthesheets maneuvers in Forty Beads, but lets just say that since I started having sex with my husband more often, my sexual experiences have never been better. Really. I think its kind of like committing to strength training versus being a total couch potato. When you use your muscles, they get stronger and work better. But if you dont, they become weak and dont respond very well. Ill let you connect the dots.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading Below7. Having sex can take less time than unloading the dishwasher. Its true. Ive timed it. I cant tell you how often I used the excuse: But we dont have time! Guess what? Theres time. And heres what Ive discovered: Taking the time to have sex with your husband on a regular basis (even if its just a quickie) will benefit your relationship more than almost anything else you could do insteadespecially unloading the dishwasher.8. Having sex on a regular basis can change how you feel about sex. In Forty Beads, I talk about the Beadefitsall those tangible and intangible benefits you receive from using The Forty Beads Method. A definite Beadefit for me is that I enjoy sex nowI have a consistent desire for it, I look forward to it and I dont avoid it. After spending years dodging the deed, when I finally wrapped my head around the fact that my healthy sex life was making a difference in my marriage, my attitude toward sex changed completely.9. Sex gets your creative juices flowing. Sex is the ultimate creative act. Again, not something I realized until after establishing my healthy sex habit, but as a woman, connecting to your sexualityreally embodying itis key to living a fully engaged, creative life. Its about connecting to your femininity. We all have this Aphrodite, Goddess of Love energy waiting inside of us. All we have to do is call it up. I spent years cutting myself off from my sexuality, but no more. Having sex with my husband reconnected me to my own sexuality and creativity. Want to create something great? Get busy.10. Love is like a wheel. Maybe the most important thing Ive learned from having sex with my husband is that sometimes were up and sometimes were down, but I know that as long as we keep things fluid (as in, have sex on a regular basis) when we find ourselves down, it wont be long until were back up again. Thats because in a committed relationship, sex is a healer. In Forty Beads, I talk about a beadefit called the beading boomerang effect. When life gets to be too muchwhen you and your husband are at each other because the fridge went on the fritz, your threeyearold bit his buddy at school, or even the bigger stuffif you lean toward intimacy, instead of away from it, you get back to the good life that much quicker. It may sound counterintuitive to fall into bed when youre irritated, but you may just be surprised at how effective it is at pulling things back to center.Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage is available now wherever books are sold. To learn more about Carolyn Evans and The Forty Beads Method, visit FortyBeads.comPhoto: courtesy of Carolyn EvansAdvertisement Continue Reading Below
The Number: How Often Should Couples Have Sex?We werent sealing the marital deal often enoughAug 5, 2009Getty ImagesWhen my wife and I shared a beach cottage with some married friendstight quarterslast summer, I hadnt been the one to make the house arrangements. So while our friends got first dibs on the master, and their toddlers went in the bedroom next to them, we got stuck in the room with the twin beds by the kitchen. There was nowhere for us to put our newborn but in a crib right between us.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowHaving sex is a big part of going on vacation for me though not having it for another week wasnt going to kill methat was our usual pattern anyway. But the following morning, and every morning thereafter, I was awakened by the sound of boots knocking, followed by cooing in the den over cups of postcoital Folgers. My wife wears earplugs, so she didnt get to hear how beautiful our housemates thought the sunrise was seven mornings in a row.How can you not care that they have sex so much? I asked, more jealous of them than curious about her.I care more that we cant sleep in the same bed, my wife replied. Right, I thought: the bed where we have sex. But thats not what upset me. These two were doing it every single day. Even at our friskiest, twice a week was pushing it. Id never really given our sexual health a second thought. There had been comfort in feeling like we had a sex life just like everyone else, but now I couldnt look at another couple without wondering if they were doing it more too: the ugly trustfund guy who marries out of his league my wifes hot friend who stays with that ripped dbag for the sex friends who had babies by accident because they had careless romps so often. Observation turns to obsession quickly when youre a hardup skinny guy who can point to the exact day his child was conceived.Our vacation mates energetic sex life floored me. Id been a friend of the husband for over a decade, and Id always thought of himand themas being more like us than anyone else we knew. Happy in life and career, we loved our beautiful wives like mad and only went to strip clubs when a bachelor party called for it. This wasnt different eating or exercise habits my wife and I were talking about this was the ultimate seal of marital commitment. And we werent sealing the deal often enough.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowUntil that vacation, Id thought I was just like every other fellow with a kid and a mortgage, happy to reconnect with his wife at the end of a long week. Married with responsibilities, I assumed we were playing the same kind of defensive sex that many like us do, pushing the outer limits of how long the guy can go without before he snaps and instigates a fight over something trivial. We have sex to avoid that.Like money, sex is a sign of success to me. It just is. Its the embodiment of a leading man: Women want to be with him, men want to be him. I may not make as much money as my wife, but I consider myself successful in my own right. A woman wanting to have sex with me means she finds me attractive. Me wanting to have sex with my wife, on the other hand, is only one of many weights I must stack on her desirableness scale. Compliments, extended streaks of niceness, and my willingness to cook the occasional dinner without meat in it all carry equal sexgetting weight in our household.The thought of once weekly being our equilibrium made me sad for us, like Id failed to deliver as a husband. Sure, we werent living in sin anymore, chasing each other naked through the apartment with cans of Nutella. And yes, having a kid definitely cramped our bedroom style. But how do you tell the exhausted, childrearing mother who brings in the lions share that you need more sex from her?As the breadwinner, my wife sets the sex schedule. Thats the right of the provider, and I understand. The lady needs her rest. She may not have realized it, but half the reason I wanted her to quit working someday was so I could take control of that agenda. The reality is that Id had far more dry spells than moments of prowess in my singlehood, so having sex with my wife once a week had always felt like a big improvement. But thats not how I was seeing things the Saturday we got back home from the beach.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowThat night, we arrived at the marriage bed like robots scheduled for a recharge. Gone was the anticipation that usually came with our weekly sex, replaced by resentment that it had come to this.We have to do something, I said, not wanting to have angry sex. Is this that number thing again? she asked. Why do you care so much? I told her I cared because this was not how things were supposed to be. I remembered how I felt in high school when I heard of men reaching this point in life, when theyd have the opportunity to have more sex and not seize it. Back then, just the thought of touching a womans handlet alone copping a feelwas enough to send goose bumps up my everything. I used to think getting married would mean roundtheclocksex, especially if it was to my dream girl.But this wasnt about lost youth, and she knew it. The problem was that Id never expected my dream girl to end up ruling the roost. This was a Control Thing, plain and simple. Lets have sex every night for a week, I blurted. It felt like Id been waiting to say it since the day we got married. Like many men, Im not the emotional one in the marriage. Just being in the same bed with my wife is nice, but it doesnt give me the warm fuzzies like it does her. Sex I can feel. And if were talking about the measure of sexual health, I have to feel it to believe it.Admittedly, it was competitiveness in my gut more than a longing in my loins that made me want to blow our number out of the water. I love my wifedone deal. That doesnt change the fact that the ending is the payoff. I leave the emotional judgment up to her: If she deems the sex good, I second the motion.I guess I should have felt badly for putting her through the exhaustion and physical toil of having sex every night for a week, but I believed the experiment was for our own good.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowOkay, she agreed. But for the record, Im fine with how often we have sex. My wife, not the thong type, showed up for the first night in sexy lingerie, and I couldnt help but laughand get turned on by how much she must love me. Like marathoners who sprint too early, we arrived at Day Two short of breath, and by Wednesday I was relying on gizmos from the XXX store to keep things interesting. The streak ended on Worst Sex Thursday, after we gave up in the middle of the act to get some sleep.Had I known our experiment would end in such humiliation, I never would have suggested it. But amazingly, I didnt feel defeated at all. Arriving at the loneliest number on my own felt okay. So okay, in fact, that I found the will to pick up the phone. Asking a guy how often he has sex with his wife doesnt exactly roll off the tongue. But I found the information is often volunteered after youve told him that a mutual friend does it every night of the week. After the requisite lucky bastard reply, Id ask, So how about you? Wed all been friends since college, having served as best man in one anothers weddings.Once or twice a week, a couple times, and as often as shell let me were typical answers. One guy couldnt keep up with a young bride who wanted more sex from him. But in every case, the woman was in control of the number. Thats why we tended to talk ballparksnot because it made us feel more competitive, but because we expected more from ourselves.At least thats what we told each other. The longer wed been married, the more wed thought about what our numbers should be. I was surprised to find that we were all pretty much on the same page: Once a week is too little, three times is pushing too much, and twice a week is optimal, although it sure would be nice if shed toss in a bonus every once in a while. We agreed: 1.5 was the goal, even if half points had been in steep decline since the wedding day (and even if, according to a 2001 Durex Global Sex Surveyin which men may or may not be inflating their own statsmarried pairs supposedly average 1.8 couplings a week).The funny thing is that when I was single, impressing a sense of quality on a lady mattered much more to me than quantity. Sleeping around meant giving too many women the wrong idea, but when sex did happen, I was out to impress.My wife and I had our fast and loose fun for a few years, but now that we are in our thirties, sex has become much more of a production. Showers afterward are now mandatory, and nobody wants to go to bed with a wet head. I dont feel so much resigned to weekly sex now so much as a thankful that theres something I can count on. Plus, since the big experiment, spontaneous sex denied during the week is often repaid doubly on the weekend.But the number runs down. Luckily, having sex within my means feels right again. We took that beach vacation the summer before the economy fell off a cliff, and now, numbers hitting bottom is a good thing.At least thats how Im spinning it.Advertisement Continue Reading Below
StyleWhy do gay couples use the terms husband and wife, rather than partner?By Steven Petrow By Steven Petrow Email the author Writer and freelancer May 13, 2014 Email the author Follow StevenPetrowDear Civilities: My wife (female) and I are supporters of gay marriage, but we are puzzled about gay couples using the terms wife and husband. When samesex couples marry, do they choose to be the wife as opposed to the husband?I notice you use the term. Why not just use the term partner as do some heterosexuals? Name withheldA: Thanks for sending in this question because its one Im asked fairly frequently, with a dollop of embarrassment because these monikers still arent that familiar. Let me attempt to clear up that confusion. Your question seems to assume that when a samesex couple adopts husband and wife as their preferred term, they pick one apiece. Thats not the case. When two men have married, there are two husbands for women, there are two wives. The bottom line: Dont ask a samesex couple who is the husband or the wife.Youre right I do call Jim my husband since we got hitched in August for the record, he also calls me his husband. When we use that language, were signaling that were legally married no longer sweethearts, boyfriends or the ambiguous partners.Were not, however, announcing gendered aspects of our relationship, as your question implies. (Still, I couldnt help but notice that the boyfriend of Michael Sam , the first openly gay football player to be drafted by an NFL team, was incorrectly called out by some as Sams wife and trophy wife on social media, highlighting the traditional stereotypes of husbandwife roles.)Put another way: When a heterosexual couple use husband or wife, are they disclosing what goes on behind closed doors, or who does the dishes vs. who takes out the garbage? I dont think so theyre simply using the conventional terms for a married couple. A gay man, engaged to his fiance, spoke for many on my Facebook page when he posted this response to your question: When we marry I will call him my husband because he will be, and I will be his. Neither of us assumes opposing gender roles and we would never use any terms that reveal our sexual roles.But why not use partner? First of all, it is confusing. Before we married, Jim and I called each other partners, and I cant tell you how many times we were asked, What business are you guys in? I also asked Jeff Zarrillo and Paul Katami , plaintiffs in the Supreme Court case that overturned Prop. 8 in California, for their take: Once married, we switched from calling each other partner to husband. We have personally fought so hard to use that word and it DOES matter. Everyone knows what that word means. It has global recognition. And we love saying it, too!In short, once legally wed, spouses whether straight or gay have earned the titles husbands and wives. That doesnt mean that every gay or lesbian couple will embrace those terms, just as some oppositesex couples prefer partner or spouse despite their legal status.I understand that much of this nomenclature is new to you as it is to many others. But unfamiliar as the words may be, more and more samesex weddings are in our future. At the UCLA law schools Williams Institute, scholar Gary Gates explained to me: In states that have legalized marriage for samesex couples, about half of those couples get married in the first three years. In other words, were talking about an estimated 200,000 samesex weddings, not to mention all those husbands and wives.But really, its not so hard. Take a look at this lovely video of a young boy talking to his newly married gay dad. At first, hes incredulous: Youre both husbands? he asks, scratching his head. You married each other. Thats funny! After a moment, he adds: This is the very first time I saw husbands and husbands. Finally, the amazing kicker: So that means you love each other.Indeed. Leave it to the little ones to show us the way forward.Do you agree or disagree with my advice? Let me know in the comments section below.Every other week, Steven Petrow, the author of Steven Petrows Complete Gay Lesbian Manners, addresses questions about LGBT and straight etiquette in his new column, Civilities. Email questions to Steven at stevenpetrowearthlink.net (unfortunately not all questions can be answered). You can also reach Steven on Facebook at facebook.comstevenpetrow and on Twitter stevenpetrow . Join him for a chat online at washingtonpost.com on May 20.Steven Petrow is the author of Steven Petrows Complete Gay Lesbian Manners.
How often should a married couple have sex?Question: How often should a married couple have sex?Answer: The Bible doesnt tell us how often a married couple should have sex, it does tell us that a couple is to abstain only when it is a mutual decision. First Corinthians 7:5 tells us, Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of selfcontrol. So, mutual consent is the rule for how often a married couple should have sex. The rule is that abstaining from sex must be agreed upon, and that even when it is agreed upon, it should only be for a short time.Sex should not be withheld or demanded. If one spouse does not want to have sex, the other spouse should agree to abstain. If one spouse wants to have sex, the other spouse should agree. It is all a matter of compromise. We must remember that our bodies belong to our spouses, as 1 Corinthians 7:4 tells us, The wifes body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Obviously, the sexual compromise in marriage must be reasonable. If one spouse desires sex every day, and the other spouse once a month or less, they will have to lovingly and sacrificially agree to a compromise, a middle ground. Studies show that taking into account all age ranges, a typical married couple has sex 2 times per week.
HOW TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH ORAL SEXThis is a detailed guide in how to pleasure your husband with oral sex and is part of my curriculum , How to drive your man crazy.It can take time to get comfortable loving your husband with oral sex. Start slow and just get to know him. Spend time touching him, kissing him, watching him and licking him. Lube him up with coconut oil so that you can combine hand work with your mouth. If you mouth starts feeling tense, use your hand and relax your jaw. If you are uncomfortable taking him deep, combine your hand with the motion of your mouth. You should always feel in control of what is going on. Ultimately it is just a way to know your husband up close and personal. Try to relax and focus on feeling every fiber of his body.3 Assurances your husband needs to knowYou enjoy it as much as he doesHis penis is absolutely amazingI wont do anything you dont like,PrinciplesFellatio is about getting to know your husband up close and personalBy paying careful attention to his arousal levels, you can prolong his enjoymentIt is not all about in and out movement instead licking, swirling, stillnessCreate additional tension by supporting the base of the penisIncorporate massage of the perineum with plenty of lubeCreate rhythm and directionSmooth, silky and connected no teethRelax and enjoy himThe Warm Up and First KissWarm him up with foreplay and gentle touch around the penis.Tease him with light unintentional touches of the penis, while kissing other parts of his body. Make him wait for it.Gently lick from the base to the tip, until his penis is begging to be taken. Let it search for your mouth, but not quite find it. Let the head of his penis gently graze your lips, or feel the hot breath of your open mouth, but dont take him in yet.Gently find his testicles with one hand and warm them up with plenty of lube. Gently roll his testicles toward his body. Loosen up the whole pelvic area.Firmly lick his penis all the way from his testicles, up the shaft, to the head of his penis several times until it strongly searches for your mouth.Take the base of his penis at his body and place it in full erect position, open your mouth, look him in the eye, and take him all the way in. Slowly close your mouth around his shaft and smoothly pull your mouth up over his shaft and head, paying special attention with your tongue as you pass by his ridge.Take his full length slowly several more times, always paying special attention to his ridge. Keep the pace slow with stillness at points so that you can really feel him.Closely monitor his testicles. If they have become ripe peaches, you have him right where you want him. At this point you can.a. Go for the finish line by continuing firm, smooth stroking.b. Try to keep at this heightened arousal for as long as possible plateauing.c. Back off by finding some other enjoyable activity to do for a while to let things cool off a bit for him and then return to peakingCoreplay ideas and repertoireCreate expectancy by setting up patterns, for instanceStroke his penis with your mouth while holding the base of his penis with your hand. Every 4th time follow your mouth with your hand for added stimulationStroke his penis with your mouth several times and then every once in a while, stroke until your tongue firmly presses into his frenulum and just sit there for a minuteLick his penis bottom to top, and then every once in a while take him all the wayDuring stroking of his penis, swirl your tongue around his head as you switch directionsSwitch to just hands once in a while hand over hand, Ode to Brian, just palms catching at the ridgeSwitch to just testicles once in a while and scoop your hands up and around his shaft to loosen up the groin areaUse the head of his penis to stimulate your vulvaThe Finish Line By this point, his penis should be fully engaged his testicles nice and ripe, his pelvis area loosened up, and he should be very relaxed putty in your hands:With clear intention ramp up stimulation. This could happen from increased speed or pressure. It could also happen through a slow languid connection, or a more passionate release of energy, or a driving rhythm, or you showing how aroused you are getting.Make sure you have your hand on his perineum and as intensity increases, press into his prostate area. See if you can feel his orgasm coming even before he does by feeling the contractions of his prostate and PC muscles.As his orgasm starts, one last full stroke to ejaculation and then prepare for his sensitive head. Stay still around his head while gently milking his shaft and pressing into his perineum.Final Thoughts After you have felt his last contraction, gently to move to a position of laying on him and cover his body to help release the last bit of tension from his body. Let him bask in lala land and enjoy your man in a state of total relaxation.