How often do anal sex
How to have anal sexFAST FACTSAnal sex is enjoyed by many people straight, gay and bisexual.Unprotected anal sex carries a higher risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) than many other sexual activities. Using a condom correctly will help protect you and your partner.Use lots of lubricant! But only use waterbased lubricant which is specially designed for sexual intercourse. Oilbased lubricants can cause condoms to break.Starting slowly by exploring the anal area and using smaller objects like fingers and sex toys will increase pleasure and help avoid pain.If you are having oral sex or vaginal sex straight after anal sex put on a new condom to avoid cross infection.Anal sex is any type of sexual activity that involves the anal area and many people, whether they are heterosexual, gay or bisexual, enjoy it. Whether you are thinking of having anal sex for the first time, or you just want more information on how to stay safe and enjoy it, this page will help answer your questions.What is anal sex?Most commonly, people think of anal sex as when a mans penis enters the anus. However, it might also mean using fingers or sex toys to penetrate the anus, or using the tongue to stimulate the anus (called rimming). You can read more about oralanal sex on our How to have oral sex page.Anyone can enjoy anal sex, whether they are a man, woman, gay, bisexual or straight, and whether they are giving or receiving it.How do you have anal sex?It can feel strange when you start exploring the anal area during sex, so start slowly with touching and caressing to get used to the idea. If you dont like it, its a good idea to talk to your partner and explain that anal sex isnt for you. While lots of people enjoy it, many others would prefer to leave it out of their sexual activities.If you decide to have penetrative anal sex, take things slowly and communicate with your partner. If you are giving anal sex, use plenty of lubricant and then start by penetrating just a little and then pulling out completely. When your partner is ready, penetrate a bit further and then pull out again. Continue with this until you are fully in but be prepared to stop at any time if the other person is uncomfortable or in pain.Anal sex can feel stimulating and pleasurable for both the person giving and receiving but it can also take a while to get used to the sensation of it. If it doesnt go perfectly the first time you can always try again when youre both in the mood. Remember that you can pause or stop at any point you want. Just because you have started something doesnt mean you need to continue stopping is actually very normal.Anal sex, HIV and STI safetyWhether youre a man or a woman, straight or gay, its important to protect yourself against the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV, when having anal sex.The lining of the anus is thin and can easily be damaged, which makes it more vulnerable to infection. This means that if you are the receptive partner (often called the bottom) you have a higher risk of STIs and HIV from unprotected anal sex than many other types of sexual activity.While the risk is less for the top (or insertive partner), HIV can still enter through the opening at the top of the penis (urethra), or through cuts, scratches and sores on the penis.STIs that can be passed on during anal sex include:Syphilis.Using protection during anal sex is important to reduce your risk of catching an STI. For penetrative sex, make sure you use a condom and lots of lube some people feel safer using extrathick condoms for anal sex, and dental dams also offer good protection for rimming.You can use either a male condom or female condom for anal sex, depending on your preference. The female condom is inserted into the anus before sex, just as it would be used in the vagina.Its a good idea to put condoms on any sex toys you are using for anal sex too, making sure you change them between partners and use a fresh one if you use the toys to stimulate the vagina afterwards. This is because the material of some sex toys may harbour bacteria and infections even after cleaning (though not HIV).If youve had unprotected anal sex and are worried about possible HIV infection, go and see your healthcare professional straight away. You may be able to take postexposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV infection, but it has to be taken within 72 hours to be effective. However, PEP is not a replacement for condoms and isnt available everywhere. Love your lubricationUnlike the vagina, the anus doesnt produce its own lubrication (or lube), so its important to use a good product to help the penis or sex toy move freely and prevent damage to the inside of the anus.Dont use your partners semen (also known as cum) as a lubricant. Its best to use a waterbased lubricant which has been specially designed for sexual intercourse. Oilbased lubricants (such as lotion and moisturiser) can weaken condoms and make them more likely to break.Is anal sex painful?For lots of people anal sex is a pleasurable part of their sex life. However, whether you are a man or a woman, penetrative anal sex can be uncomfortable or even painful if rushed, especially if its your first time.Luckily, there are things you can do to lessen any pain. These include going slowly, working your way up to penetration with the penis with smaller objects such as fingers or sex toys, and using a lot of waterbased lubrication.Continual communication as you progress is the best way to make sure you both enjoy anal sex. If at any time you are feeling strong pain then you should stop immediately.Gay men and anal sexGay men can enjoy a range of different sexual activities, including oral sex , kissing and touching each other, as well as penetrative anal sex. Being gay doesnt mean you have to have anal sex though you decide what you enjoy.Many men also like having their prostate stimulated. The prostate is a walnutsized gland located just below the bladder and is highly sensitive to stimulation (usually gentle finger stimulation through the anus). However, there are many blood vessels in and around the prostate and it can get bruised if handled roughly, so always treat it gently and use lots of lube.I thought that all that men did in bed together was anal sex, but noone has ever tried to force me to have penetrative sex. Its much more of a loving, caring thing than I thought, too. PeterSafety for women having anal sexBe careful not to use the same finger to stimulate a womans anus as you use to touch her vagina. This is because you could transfer small amounts of faeces to the vagina which can cause urinary tract infections such as cystitis.The same goes for using a finger to stimulate the anus and then putting it in the mouth, as this can pass on STIs such as hepatitis and shigella.If you have anal sex and then move onto vaginal sex or oral sex you should use a fresh condom to prevent these infections. The same applies if you are using sex toys.Technically, its not possible to get pregnant from anal sex as theres no way for semen to get from the rectum into the vagina. Be aware that there is a small chance of semen leaking out and dripping into the vagina after anal sex. Using condoms is the best way to make sure you are always protected properly against pregnancy.Should I have anal sex?As with any type of sex, its important that both people are enthusiastic about having anal sex and that no one is feeling pressured or forced into doing anything they dont want to do.Talk to your partner about protection before you start having anal sex to help things go more smoothly. Remember that having unprotected anal sex puts you and your partner at higher risk of HIV and other STIs such as hepatitis A and shigella than other sexual activities. Being safe will help you both feel more relaxed and make sex more enjoyable.Deciding whether to have anal sex is a very personal thing. The main things to consider are whether it feels right, and whether you and your partner are both sure. Our article Am I ready for sex? will help you think about this.iStock.comnicoblue. Photos are used for illustrative purposes. They do not imply any health status or behaviour on the part of the people in the photo.
Anal Sex Safety and Health ConcernsIn this ArticlePreventing Anal Sex ProblemsAn estimated 90 of men who have sex with men and as many as 5 to 10 of sexually active women engage in receptive anal intercourse.Often referred to simply as anal sex , anal intercourse is sexual activity that involves inserting the penis into the anus . People may engage in anal intercourse, which has health risks, because the anus is full of nerve endings, making it very sensitive. For some recipients of anal sex, the anus can be an erogenous zone that responds to sexual stimulation. For the giving partner, the anus may provide a pleasing tightness around the penis .While some people find anal sex enjoyable, the practice has downsides and requires special safety precautions.Is Anal Sex Safe?There are a number of health risks with anal sex, and anal intercourse is the riskiest form of sexual activity for several reasons, including the following:The anus lacks the natural lubrication the vagina has. Penetration can tear the tissue inside the anus, allowing bacteria and viruses to enter the bloodstream. This can result in the spread of sexually transmitted infections including HIV . Studies have suggested that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk for the receptive partner than vaginal exposure. Exposure to the human papillomavirus (HPV) may also lead to the development of anal warts and anal cancer . Using lubricants can help some, but doesnt completely prevent tearing.The tissue inside the anus is not as well protected as the skin outside the anus. Our external tissue has layers of dead cells that serve as a protective barrier against infection. The tissue inside the anus does not have this natural protection, which leaves it vulnerable to tearing and the spread of infection.The anus was designed to hold in feces. The anus is surrounded with a ringlike muscle, called the anal sphincter, which tightens after we defecate. When the muscle is tight, anal penetration can be painful and difficult. Repetitive anal sex may lead to weakening of the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feces until you can get to the toilet. However, Kegel exercises to strengthen the sphincter may help prevent this problem or correct it.The anus is full of bacteria. Even if both partners do not have a sexuallytransmitted infection or disease, bacteria normally in the anus can potentially infect the giving partner. Practicing vaginal sex after anal sex can also lead to vaginal and urinary tract infections .ContinuedAnal sex can carry other risks as well. Oral contact with the anus can put both partners at risk for hepatitis , herpes , HPV, and other infections. For heterosexual couples, pregnancy can occur if semen is deposited near the opening to the vagina .Even though serious injury from anal sex is not common, it can occur. Bleeding after anal sex could be due to a hemorrhoid or tear, or something more serious such as a perforation (hole) in the colon . This is a dangerous problem that requires immediate medical attention. Treatment involves a hospital stay, surgery, and antibiotics to prevent infection.Preventing Anal Sex ProblemsThe only way to completely avoid anal sex risks is to abstain from anal sex. If you engage in anal sex, it is always important to use a condom to protect against the spread of infections and diseases.Following are more tips for increasing anal sex safety:Avoid inserting a penis into the mouth or vagina after its been inserted in the anus until your partner puts on a new condom.Use plenty of lubricant to reduce the risk of tissue tears. With latex condoms , always use a waterbased lubricant.Relax prior to insertion of the penis to help reduce the risk of tears. Taking a warm bath before anal sex or lying on your stomach may make insertion easier.Stop if anal sex is painful.If you experience bleeding after anal sex or you notice a sores or lumps around the anus or a discharge coming from it, see your doctor as soon as possible.WebMD Medical Reference Reviewed by Jennifer Robinson, MD on November 16, 2017SourcesNews Release, International Microbicides Conference.University of Illinois at UrbanaChampaign McKinley Health Center: Anal Sex: Questions and Answers.News Release, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene.University of California, Santa Barbara, SexInfo Online: What Are the Dangers of Anal Sex?Columbia Universitys Health Q A Internet Service, Go Ask Alice: Pain from anal sex, and how to prevent it. 2017 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.Pagination
by Ramon Johnsonupdated July 14, 2017How often do gay couples have sex? Two, three, maybe four times a week? How many times does a heterosexual couple have sex? I did a little research and what I found out might surprise you.Sexual ExpectationsIts not unusual to equate the health of a relationship with how frequently youre having sex. When relationships settle in over the years, the frequency of sex can decrease, giving rise to increasing insecurities.But the Washington Post reported in 2015 on a study that found that gay men in samesex relationships tend to communicate better than heterosexual couples, particularly when their relationship may be troubled, and other statistics seem to indicate that this may result in them having sex more often, even as the relationship ages or runs into difficulty.The RealityIn truth, straight, married couples have sexabout seven times a month . Do the math. Thats works out to less than twice a week. So if thats the par for you in a gay relationship, you can take comfort in knowing that youre not alone in what may seem like a stalled run.So whats going on? Regardless of sexual orientation, sex drives are at their peak when were young, so age has something to do with it. If you andyour partner are in your late fifties, you might find that youve slowed down a little since you were in your twenties.Andas mentioned, both gay and straight couples tend to have sex less frequently in longterm relationships. A sex rate of three times a week or more for gay couples in the first two years of a relationship is almost 70 percent. It drops to less than 50 percent for straight couples and to about 33 percent for lesbian couples.In other words, gay men in shortterm relationships have about 20 percent more sex than straight men in shorter relationships, and more than double that which lesbian couples are enjoying.But the numbers nosedive for couples who have been together 10 years or longer: Just above 10 percent of gay couples still have sex three times a week, under 20 percent of heterosexual couples enjoy this frequency, and this drops to about 1 percent for lesbians. The stats were gathered from various studies that took place from the late 1990s through 2011.Increasing Your Sexual FrequencyLife happens, and if your romping scores below average, there could be a number of reason why.Work stress, relationship strain, personal issues and other things can lessen the libido or simply reduce the time you have available for intimacy.Gay couples may have an edge over heterosexual couples in this respect, too, because that study reported on by the Washington Post also found that gay couples who live together divide household chores and responsibilities more equally between them, rather than assign them genderwise. Less work can mean more play when neither partner is overloaded.No matter why your sex life is dragging, there are ways you can improve it andincrease yoursexual compatibilitywith a little effort.After all, better chemistry leads to better sex.Show Full ArticleSend Daily Style Straight to Your Inboxmsg:newsletterSignupLabelThere was an error. Please try again.Please enter a valid email address.Thank you for signing up.
NextHow often do you have anal sex?me and my bf do it about 2 or 3 times about a day a week and i know hed like to do it probably every day or something so i was just wondering how much other couples do it in general to see if im being generous enough lolUpdate: some of you people really need to get educated maybe watch some porn or something if you do it right there shouldnt be any mess at all and you dont get loose thats just what idiots say otherwise a lot of girls and practically every gay guy over 25 would be walking around with colostomy bagsFollowAre you sure that you want to delete this answer?YesSorry, something has gone wrong.Trending NowRating Newest OldestBest Answer: When my wife and I were dating, Id say there was some type of anal play at least every day (anal sex, anal fingering and fisting). However, now that were married, Id say we do anal about 2 times a month.Source(s):Submit just nowI was kinda in the same situation you are. I had a hard time knowing the person i wanted to be with didnt want to be with me. I waited for a yr and now we are finally together. Read here https:tr.imdjSqQIf i where you i would just leave her alone. Maybe contact her a couple days a week just to see how shes doing i mean 3 years you have to care about her and i know you miss talking to her. Let her see what you really meant to her. If she misses you she WILL find a way to contact you, And in doing that it will show you how much she really cares by calling you just to see why you have called her as much.Being a girl myself as long as you chase her the more she is going to run. She told you she didnt know what she wanted. so in other words she needs time, so give her what she wants give her that space she asked for. Show her you care by giving her that. If it is meant to be she will come back to you. Everything happens for a reason. I know all this is hard to do but it does work it worked in my situation. Im glad i did all this. Besides doing all this will show you if it IS meant to be or not. Good luck and i hope everything works out the way you want it to, and if not then i wish you the best of luck starting something newHughas 2 years ago
9 Unsexy Things About PornData from PornHub reveals that from 2009 to 2015, search volume for anal sex videos skyrocketed by 120 percent. But its not just virtual fantasies that are increasing. People are also having anal sex more regularly. A 2017 survey of over 3,000 sexually active millennials shows that 35 percent of women and 15 percent of men are engaging in anal sex at least some of the time.Dont get me wronganal is still a major taboo in America. Witness: the enormous backlash of the educational Teen Vogue Anal Sex 101 articlewritten by yours truly. Even if anal is less shrouded in shame than it once was, its still not something young people are learning about or talking about openly.But there are pressing questions to be discussed: If anal sex is normalized and becomes a part of our everyday sexual understanding, does that mean anal sex is on the table for every sexual encounter? How has the normalization of anal sex shifted our attitudes and discussions around consent? How must the conversations evolve as a result of anals newfound popularity?Advertisement Continue Reading BelowIt shouldnt be assumed that everyone is open to having anal sex just because our culture is less uptight about butt stuff. Despite the supposedly clear cut knowledge that no means no , Ive heard many horror stories of women being pressured into anal under the guise of sex positivity or a willingness to be sexually adventurous.Vivienne, 23, tells MarieClaire.com that she has felt pressure to have anal sex, even when she clearly stated it wasnt an option: I was drunk and said I didnt want that. He kept doing it anyway even when I said stop.I once had a guy try to push me into anal sex on the third date. He wondered why I wasnt into anal if I claim to be sex positive.Dr. Nikki Goldstein , sexologist and author of Single But Dating , tells MarieClaire.com that sexual empowerment is not about doing everything sexually. Rather its about having the freedom to explore your own sexuality however you choose. Its about having a choice to live your life sexually the way that you want to.A 2014 study published in BMJ Open examined young peoples attitudes about anal sex and found that the majority of young women who had engaged in anal sex said the encounters were riddled with pressure and were often painful. Among 130 teens surveyed between the ages of 16 and 18, consent was a hairy issue, with young men often thinking they didnt need to ask for informed consent in order to have anal sex.StocksyMal Harrison, director for the Center for Erotic Intelligence , blames this lack of communication around consent on what she calls low social intelligence. In this case, the desperation to have any sex regardless of the consequences, pain, or disrespect it causes another. She describes high social intelligence as knowing the greatest sex happens between people who are genuinely into it with great enthusiasm. This is more of a power play for guys than it is about sex. To them, its about convincing you, coaxing you into doing something youre not cool with.Sarah Tomchesson, a sex educator and head of business relations at Pleasure Chest says that even though there is a high concentration of nerve endings around and just inside the anusso in theory the ass has the potential to be a stimulating erogenous zonetheres also plenty of room for error with anal play. She notes that many people have had bad first experiences because they either didnt use lubricant, moved too fast, thought that anal play had to involve deep penetration (when, in fact, external stimulation and light, shallow penetration is ideal for accessing the nerve endings in the anus) or felt pressured to try it.We have to talk about this. We cant just brush this issue under the rug for fear of a rightwinged, We told ya anal was bad and a sin! backlash.In order for people to avoid anal when they dont want to have it, and to have good anal when they do, we have to provide clearcut, pleasurebased sex education and consent in schools and at home. Just because the liberal media is all about anal now shouldnt suggest that anal is an automatic given when you hook up or that young people have learned how to engage in butt stuff safely.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowAnal sex is an area of sexual exploration where consent is even more essential for a number of reasons, says Tomchesson.No does not mean try harder. No does not mean no to vaginal sex, but maybe anal is fine. No means no.A big factor is that the butt does not self lubricate and the tissue around the anus is very sensitive, so anal sex requires more prep, planning, and communication. We have all been socialized that the ass is a dirty place, meaning that many of us have some conditioned baggage to work through before exploring anal. No matter how excited someone is to explore anal or how sexually adventurous someone is, anal play requires sensitivity, open communication, and understanding that not everyone is going to be interested in it.We want all safe, ethical forms of sexuality to be out in the open, but that doesnt mean consent is any less important. In fact, discussions of consent are far more important the closer we move towards a sex positive worldview.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowBeing sexually adventurous does not equal always down for anything. No does not mean try harder. Saying no does not mean you are or arent a prude. No does not mean no to vaginal sex, but maybe anal is fine. No means no. No explanation needed.As long as were glamorizing anal sex without proper education, there will be plenty of confusion. It all starts with the basics so that we can help foster a generation of sexually mature and selfaware adults.Follow Marie Claire on F acebook for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.Advertisement Continue Reading Below
Oct. 11 2010 7:51 AMThe Riddle of the SphincterWhy do women who have anal sex get more orgasms?Antigay activists hold a banner depicting anal sexLast week, I tried to figure out why more women are having anal sex and why it correlates so highly with orgasms . Since 1992, the percentage of women aged 2024 who say theyve tried anal sex has doubled to 40 percent. The percentage of women aged 2039 who say theyve done it in the past year has doubled to more than 20 percent. And 94 percent of women who received anal sex in their last encounter said they reached orgasma higher rate of orgasm than was reported by women who had vaginal intercourse or received oral sex.William SaletanWill Saletan writes about politics, science, technology, and other stuff for Slate. Hes the author of Bearing Right .Why? For obvious reasonsanatomical, evolutionary, and aestheticanal sex should, on average, be less attractive and satisfying than vaginal or oral sex. In last weeks column, based on new survey data , I inferred that female orgasms caused anal sex rather than the other way around. The other acts reported by women who engaged in anal sexvaginal intercourse, cunnilingus, partnered masturbationdelivered the orgasms. In turn, these women indulged their male partners requests for anal sex.Well, shame on me. Not for talking about sodomythat taboo seems to be fading fastbut for doubting that women love it. These women are now coming forward to affirm that theyre into it for their own pleasure, thank you very much. And they arent alone. Bloggers, blog readers, and Slate commenters are offering lots of other theories to explain the orgasm data.AdvertisementI should start with a confession: I understated the mainstreaming of anal sex. I relied on data tables that reported how many women had done it at least once (around 40 percent), in the last year (around 20 percent), or in the last month (around 7 percent). I missed a different table ( Table 4, page 284 ) that isolated women who were partnered and asked about their activities over a 90day period. Among partnered women aged 1824, 20 percent said theyd had anal sexin the preceding three months. Among those aged 3039, 16 percent had done it. Among women aged 3039 who were cohabiting but unmarried, 30 percent had done it. So were talking about something that a significant minority of partnered women does at least several times a year.Why do they do it? And why do those who do it most often (women who reported anal intercourse in their last encounter) get the most orgasms? Here are some theories proposed by readers and bloggers.1. Anal sex causes orgasms. At least 10 women have posted commentsin Slate to say that they like anal sex. Five of them say they get orgasms from it. These women arent porn artifacts, nor are they trolling for sex. Many are explicitly partnered most are using full names. Others who enjoy sodomy are raising their hands here , here , here , here , here , here , here , here , and here , with additional secondhand reports here and here . (All of these posts are from women Im setting aside the 20 or 30 secondhand reports Ive seen from men.) I wont try to convey their enthusiasmyou can read the testimonials yourself. Lets just say that Tristan Taormino and Toni Bentley arent alone. And if you think is just maleimposed false consciousness, try reading a few lesbians on this subject.Lots of women dont like, want, or do anal sex (examples here , here , here , and here ), and the data still suggest these women are the majority . But when I said female orgasms were causing anal sex, I shouldnt have implied that the reverse wasnt true. Sex is complicated. People vary. No single theory will explain the whole correlation.Advertisement2. Orgasms increase womens willingness to try anal sex. Originally, I speculated that this effect was reciprocal: Women who got what they wanted were more likely to indulge their partners wishes. Some readers think my analysis was too transactionalwomen arent doing it just to please menbut they agree that the orgasm precedes the act. Ive had anal sex with multiple girlfriends but I dont think its ever happened before she has orgasmed first, says one man . When weve been having a marathon session with serious orgasms, thats when my wife is interested in exploring her adventurous side, says another . These are just anecdotes, but the survey data back them up: Nearly all women who reported anal intercourse in their last encounter said they engaged in other sex acts, too.3. Orgasms increase womens willingness to try anal sex, which in turn causes orgasms. Theories 1 and 2 arent mutually exclusive. Some women cite both factors. Example :Yup, once my boyfriend started going down on me 3xwk among other things, I was like, well... anals probably not that bad. I was more afraid of it because of scary porn. Ive come to enjoy anal, perhaps even ... prefer it? Makes my orgasm explosive. Course I want more.4. Orgasms cause relaxation, which facilitates anal sex. Anal sex with a woman does seem, um ... easier following her orgasm ... or any other kind of deep relaxation, like a massage or hot bath or bourbon, one man reports . (See this lesbian testimonial on the same theme.) This theory is psychological but also physical: If you havent had an orgasm, youre less likely to be relaxed, so you cant do anal sex. So when women are surveyed about their last sexual experience, the only women who say they had anal sex are the ones who had orgasms.Advertisement5. Adventurousness causes orgasms and anal sex. A male commenter puts it this way :Couples who have consensual, playful and openminded sex lives tend to do things that result in the women in these relationships having orgasms AND to experiment with (and possibly find they enjoy) anal sex. Its not one causing the other, but a common cause that results in the two being correlated.Thats an intuitively appealing theory. It fits the survey findings ( greater behavior diversity is related to ease of orgasm ) and the specific data on anal sex. While nearly all women who had anal intercourse in their last encounter reported other sex acts as well, nearly half the women who had vaginal intercourse reported no other sex acts.But is this really a matter of adventurousness? Maybe vaginal sex is simply more satisfying, so women are less likely to need an additional act. A female Slate commenter proposes a way to test the hypothesis: My guess would be that female orgasms are also highly correlated with bondage, role play, more varied sexual positions overall, and whatever other kinks you can think of. Perhaps the next survey will sort this out.Advertisement6. Women who orgasm easily are more likely to try anal sex. This turns the adventurousness theory upside down. The idea here is that a womans relative ease of orgasm (which could be largely anatomical) is a cause, not an effect, of trying new kinks. Orgasmic women are more willing to dabble in unconventional things, including anal sex, because comparedwith other women, sex is more fun for them , or orgasmic payoff is more likely.7. Selfassurance causes orgasms and anal sex. Short version : Women comfortable enough to enjoy anal sex are pretty much relaxed enough to orgasm. Theyre women who get what they want. Longer version :Women who offer anal sex are typically those most comfortable with themselves, their bodies or with asking for what they want from their partner, and when a woman is comfortable with those things shes more likely to reach orgasm. a guys not getting back there unless the woman is very comfortable with you being there Another good hypothesis. The paradox to be explained is why an act widely considered icky or deviant correlates with orgasms. The selfassurance theory uses the ick factor to explain this. To overcome the ick and deviance, you have to be the kind of woman whos good at getting satisfaction. To that extent, anal sex doesnt create orgasmic women. It selects them.Advertisement8. Anal sex requires affirmative interest. This is a more direct version of the selfassurance theory. A commenter explains :Women who go for anal sex are into having anal sex. It turns them on. More likely to have an orgasm. Vaginal sex is what every women does, even those who.... arent interested really, so the numbers are going to be lower.Again, anal sets a higher bar. Women who dont much feel like having vaginal sex often do it anyway. Women who dont much feel like having anal sex dont do it. So disinterested women dilute the orgasm rate for vaginal but not anal sex. The same could be said of orgasms: Women who dont get orgasms from vaginal sex keep doing it, but women who dont get orgasms from anal sex stop, thereby reducing the analsex population to women who really get off on it.9. Love and trust cause orgasms and anal sex. One woman writes :The more I love and trust someone, the more likely I am to have an orgasm while with himand the more likely I am to be okay with pushing societys norms with him. Similarly, the more he proves that he knows what hes doing, the more likely I am to let him do something that could potentially really, really hurt me.This is the most uplifting theory. It implies that the sample of women who report regular anal sex is heavily biased toward intimate relationships. The data ( Table 4, page 284 ) strongly support this. Comparedwith women who are single and dating, women in a relationship are only about 50 percent more likely, at best, to report vaginal sex in the last 90 days. But theyre two to three times more likely to report anal sex. And women who live with their boyfriends are more likely to report anal sexbut not more likely to report vaginal sexthan women who dont. Anal sex, more so than vaginal sex, seems to correlate with intimacy and commitment. (Did I mention you should use a condom especially if you dont know your partner well? Use a condom.)10. Male assertiveness causes orgasms and anal sex. This is a macho inversion of the love theory. A commenter at a misogynous Web site puts it this way :Also, women are more likely to acquiesce to buttsex demands from the highestquality men. Anal sex is associated with orgasms, but mostly because both anal sex and orgasms occur more frequently with alphas.Flame away, ladies.11. Anal includes manual. Several commenters at Slate and other venues report that in their experience, women got orgasms only with a bit of simultaneous Christine ODonnell . One man writes :My experience with women I asked and were willing to try is that 5 women loved it, 1 was accepting but it didnt do anything for her, 3 disliked it. All of the ones that liked it had fairly intense orgasms (no surprise there) but only if their clitoris was stimulated at the same time. It could be that the pleasurable attraction for the women is due to it being a position that allows easy access for addition stimulation.The survey backs this up: Of women who had anal sex in their last encounter, 31 percent said they also had partnered masturbation ( Table 4, pages 3556 ). To the extent that this factor explains the happy endings, the anal orgasm data are inflated.12. Anal sex requires more foreplay and patience, which increases the odds of orgasm. One commenter observes that anal sex is a more drawn out experience, what with prep work. This is more complex than the manualstimulation theory. The best way to understand it is to look at the data in negative terms: While only 6.5 percent of women who had anal sex in their last encounter didnt report an orgasm, 30 percent of women who had vaginal sex didnt report an orgasm. Maybe thats because nature makes it easier to have vaginal sex even when the man is hasty and selfabsorbed. Anal sex requires more attention to the womans mind and body.13. Internet porn is spreading the idea. According to a male commenter ,the most recent increase in the prevalence of anal sex is mostly due to the near simultaneous rise in access to highspeed Internet When people see these fetishes carried out frequently in pornography they may slowly begin to feel more comfortable about their suppressed fetishes and even muster up the courage to find someone who shares the same fetishes.On its face, this theory would explain only the prevalence, not the orgasms. But prevalence could increase the rate of reported orgasms by boosting the number of couples who discover they like anal sex, thereby increasing the odds that a woman who had anal sex in her last encounter (i.e., the sample of women who provided the orgasm data) did so because she likes it, not just because her partner asked.These are just a few of the answers people have come up with. Im excluding the vicarious pleasure theory (which doesnt explain why anal sex outscores vaginal sex and fellatio at delivering female orgasms) and the virginity preservation theory (which, given the ulterior motive, would predict a lower, not higher, orgasm rate). I also found a few amusing disputes between women and gay men over how to do anal sex and whether women can directly get orgasms from it. And I took some criticism from the pegging community for ignoring straight men who like to be penetrated. Sorry, gents. Some other time.The most interesting thing I learned from reading dozens of testimonials is that many sodomy enthusiasts have a slight anal superiority complex . They dont mean to boast. Its just that theyre more adventurous, enlightened, and fulfilled than other folks are. Theyre less uptight and more comfortable with themselves. Theyre better lovers, or their lovers are better. And this attitude is starting to irk some anal virgins. There are plenty of women who are in tune with their bodies and not sexually repressed and still dont like anal sex, protests one woman . She notes that in her Reddit community,People who do not enjoy certain acts are really frowned upon, and its bugging me. If youre not causing anyone harm, and you and your partner are happy and satisfied, then all should be well. when one partner is not satisfied its a whole different story, but it still wouldnt be up to us to judge the more vanilla partner.So if anal sex goes mainstream, be nice to the vanilla holdouts. And dont be surprised if the revolution is shortlived. As women embrace sodomy, it may lose its taboo appeal for men. Lots of men are coming forward to say they dont like it (examples here , here , here , here , here , here , here , here , here , here , here , and here ), and some seem to have been turned off to it by women who wanted it . With buggery on the daily menu, men might start begging for vaginal sex, or even kissing. 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25 Times Celebs Have Shaded Their ExesIs Everyone Having Anal Without Me?It seems like everybody is talking about backdoor sex. Sit tight and take a look at the bottom line on a new national pastime.By Taffy BrodesserAknerMar 4, 2015JONATHON KAMBOURISBefore we plunge in, Id like to be completely clear on one thing: I am a big believer that we should all do whatever we want to do in bed. Have your threesome. Hell, have your twelvesome. Wear that mask that your boyfriend bought you as a joke. Don that giant Care Bear costume and get busy. Ill die for your right to do your thing. (Well, Ill march on Washington or something. Death seems extreme for this.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowBut Ill be honest. When I read the statistics on the rise in anal sex, I was taken aback. Women are suddenly having gobs of it: 40 percent of us, ages 20 to 24, have tried anal sex, up from 16 percent in 1992, found a survey published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2010. The number of women ages 20 to 39 who say theyve done anal in the past year doubled to 20 percent. And 20 percent of women in relationships have had anal sex in the last three months. Now, you should probably adjust for the fact that people might be more forthcoming in this age of internet confession than they were back in the early 90s perhaps more people were having anal sex back then than were willing to admit it. Still, thats a huge jump.Anal sex was happening, and it was happening everywhere. Its in all that porn, of course. In a 2010 study, researchers watched the 50 most popular porn movies and found 356 depictions, in 55 percent of the scenes, of men and women having anal. But here also was the feminist Naomi Wolf talking about how anal fissures a tear in your rectal tissue comprised the single biggest problem seen at campus health services on college campuses she visited. There was that scene on Girls where Adam tries to sneak in some anal, followed by one on The Mindy Project where Danny slipped, followed by a cameo on The Affair. And my friends were starting to talk about their experiences...and not in undertones.As I opened my eyes and looked around, I saw this was no longer a fringe topic. Had I missed the anal revolution?Can I put it in your butt? asked the gentleman suitor of a young woman Ill call Ilene. That was during her senior year of high school, when they first started dating. Shed been a virgin, but hed already done everything, so his expectations were high. During the first month of their relationship, they had vaginal sex. Soon after that, oral. Then came the question.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowI was never interested, says Ilene. I didnt want to do it, and I didnt want to talk about it. But during sex, he would say Can I put it in your buttevery time.It seemed really important to this guy, so Ilene finally agreed to do it. Her friends told her to have a few drinks to get her inhibitions down and so it would hurt less. She did, and wellIt was not enjoyable at all, she says. We used lube and a condom, and he tried foreplay. But I could hold on for only two or three minutes before I said, I cant do it!Prince Charming finished up with some vaginal sex that night, and Ilene spoke loudly and often about how awful it had been for her. But he kept on asking. Eventually, he cheated on her a few times, citing her unwillingness to have anal as one of the reasons. Would it shock you to know that they broke up?Then theres Danielle (of course not her real name), a recent college graduate. It used to be she could go to a party, see how things went, then hook up with a guy. Now, shell be getting intimate, when suddenly guys will just go for it, and then try to pretend it was an accident, she says. The times that theyve done it without my consentits very painful. You hear horror stories of this sounds so gross but accidentally pooping. The whole concept in general kind of turns me off.These young women were students in the human sexuality class of Debby Herbenick, PhD, codirector of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University at Bloomington. In recent years, anal sex is a topic that comes up frequently in the class. Herbenick says that some of her female students are curious and want to try it. But more often, its a subject of distress. Many of my female students feel pressured to do it, says Herbenick. I had one student who wrote, I laugh my way through anal sex so I dont cry.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowA culture of coercion surrounds anal sex between men and women, according to a 2014 study of British teenagers. Even in otherwise seemingly communicative and caring partnerships, some men seemed to push to have anal sex with their reluctant partner despite believing it is likely to hurt her, the authors wrote. The try it and see approach was popular. Couples then labeled what happened as slips, the authors theorized, to gloss over the possibility that penetration was deliberate and nonconsensual.Make no mistake. We may be talking about anal sex, but these guys, the ones who pressure women into doing things they dont want to do or who test the waters by accidentally sticking a penis where it doesnt have permission to go, are the true assholes in this story.Remember the vagina? When did the vagina stop being the holy land? When I was growing up (Im 39), the vagina was treasure to be guarded, saved, used for special occasions with special people. At my high school, we were forced to take a health class on safe sex mandated by the Board of Education. The 1,000yearold woman who taught the class when she wasnt overseeing the schools attendance made sure to pause the mandatory videos to remind us that nice girls dont have sex before marriage and to please stop writing down words like condoms, because we wouldnt be needing them.That may be a clue as to why were suddenly analcrazy. We live in a pretty puritanical society, and many people are raised to prize maintaining their virginity until marriage. But with women marrying later, if at all, it can be a pretty long road to happily ever after these days, and you gotta do something, so.Anal was my everything but, a religious friend of mine confided.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowIts not merely religious concerns at play theres also a misguided sense that anal sex is safer than vaginal sex. More than one interviewee in the British study believed it was impossible to get an STI from anal sex. Use of condoms was rare.While the risk of pregnancy isnt a big worry, a lot other things can still go wrong. The rectal epithelial tissue is thinner, especially in comparison with vaginal tissue, says Kimberly McBride, PhD, assistant professor of Public Health at the University of Toledo. If youre not careful about how you perform, and especially if you dont use lube, there could be local trauma. Those are the fissures Naomi Wolf was talking about.Fissures also create an entry point for sexually transmitted infections. We see research that suggests HPV transmissions, says McBride, and HPV is linked to anal cancers. Not to mention any other STI that just needs a small slice of open skin to enter: HIV, gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis.You can prevent some tearing with lube, but really, use a condom. And if youre going from anal to vaginal, change the condom. You dont want the bacteria in your anus getting into your vagina.The good news is that all the rumors are not true: Rectal incontinence is not an issue. According to McBride, The research literature does not suggest that anal intercourse results in incontinence.No shortage of women whispered to me, might a man be really into anal sex because hes gay? That question got a lot of politeish Are you an idiot? looks from the researchers I spoke with. As Sienna Sinclaire, a sex coach and adultindustry mainstay, puts it: Guys like to put their penis anywhere. I dont mean that in a negative way. If I had a penis, Id put it anywhere too.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowAsked why they thought young people wanted anal, subjects in the British study often cited the desire to copy pornography. But that explanationis partial at best,argues study coauthor CicelyMarston, PhD, senior lecturerat the London School ofHygiene and Tropical Medicine.The fact that porn is the general explanation given by many both within and outside this study for the rise in anal sex reinforces the idea that men decide what todo sexually and women are passive.Her interviews suggested some men tried it out of a sense of competition (as one charmingly put it, every holes a goal). Both men and women needed to relax more, to get used to it. In truth, nobody seemed to be having much fun. The men rarely mentioned physical pleasure. The woman mostly reported pain...and not in a sexy way.And yet, there are women who like it.Take my friend Rachel (5 thats not her real name), who is in her 30s and married with kids. Over scones in my kitchen, I told her what I was working on, and she said, We love doing it. It turns out, she and her husband do it fairly often. They call it going to Brown Town. As in, Hey, are you up for a visit to Brown Town? Rachel likes it because she likes to please her husband but also because it feels good to her. She likes being entered from behind and finds theres something very intimate about how gentle he has to be in order for it to happen. (Her husband likes it because the anus is smaller and tighter than the vagina, and well, thats the dream, right?)And then there are the group of women Ill call anal enthusiasts, who are set on educating the world in the finer points of backdoor sex.Sinclaire is one of them. The first time she had anal sex, at 21, it hurt. She bled every time she had a bowel movement for months. Now, she loves anal and even sees advantages to it over vaginal sex. The great thing about the ass is that its not a vagina, she says. Theres no cervix, so if his cock is 10 inches, it can still fit.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowTake a minute if you need one.The ass is really an erogenous zone, says sex educator Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Its rich in nerve endings at the opening. (McBride, of the University of Toledo, confirms this.) So the rectum responds to stimulation and penetration, which is why butt plugs exist. And are purchased by people.Taormino says the reason a lot of women experience pain is because the opening of the anus is a ring of muscle and it has to be unclenched for this to work. It involves the field of anal foreplay, which includes lube, massage, testing the waters with a pinkie, and maybe reminding yourself that you consented to this. Your ass is more delicate than your vagina and less resilient, she says. You can hurt someone if you do it wrong. So all that sensitive tissue is kind of a blessing and a curse.So anal sex is either very painful or really great. Its either safe or dangerous. Its unyielding pleasure or a huge pain in the ass. Apparently, its just like everything. Years ago, oral sex was considered deviant. This isnt that different. Taormino told me about letters she gets from women who tell her about their fantasies, anal and otherwise, and want to know if theyre normal.I would like that stuff to go away, she says of the shame she encounters. I would like to see anal sex destigmatized, with no hierarchy within the bounds of normal relationships. I dont want that system, and we all subscribe to it in one way or another, consciously or unconsciously. Id like there to be a menu with all the stuff in the same fonts. You order from the menu.And here is where we get to my most profound discovery on the subject of anal sex: That whereas there are emotional implications to any kind of sex we have, anal sex is a true test of trust because it could go so badly wrong. The women I spoke to who were in relationships and mutually decided with their partner to have anal sex talked about it being a profound experience. The ones who just got a can we? and a poke in the butt felt horrible pain. Maybe anal sex is more than I considered it could be a chance to come together in a new way, to feel new heights of trust, a zenith of emotional bonding.As I finished up the reporting for this story, I received a text from my friend Rachel. Just finished watching some PBS and thinking of taking a trip to Browntown Abbey. Thought youd like to know.This article was originally published as Is Everyone Having Anal Without Me? in the March 2015 issue of Cosmopolitan. Click here to get the issue in the iTunes store!Advertisement Continue Reading Below
stigmerica MemberHaving anal sex on a regular basis actually does the opposite of hurting your asshole as it prevents it from sinching back up tightly. In other words it is looser more often. That is if it is done right, thus there is no irritation and subsequent swelling, which would make later experiences worse. And if youre (referring to whomever, here) new to receiving anal sex then you wont be able to just take it until after youve experienced it a couple times, or if you just dont care about the discomfort.But having anal sex on a regular basis is not advisable. Unfortunately just as with drugs, most people who do anal sex to any extent have no clue how much problems and how much damage they can do their body on all levels, and namely in the long term. Enemas are even less advisable in the sense of a regular basis sort of thing. To further put this into perspective, theres an old saying by doctors no less that goes along the lines of something like, Death starts in the colon. And the saying does indeed have a lot of merit.The main reason why regular anal sex is not advisable (especially for beginners, and I am talking about regular as say more than two separate occasions per week, for enemas only once) is because almost completely regardless of how hard or soft you go about it, you will to some degree inhibit and disrupt electrolyte absorption by your intestines. To make a long story short, the first thing that would happen that would indicate to you that youre having too much anal sex or just doing it wrong is loss of weight this can happen within a rather short time frame, like less than a month. Further down the line you have disturbances in appetite, in which nothing you eat ever seems right. Then you have stuff like constant vision problems, heart rhythm problems and weakness, issues with immune system, fever and so on and so forth.Regular enemas are not advisable at all because they literally sweep through your entire intestinal tract, which can easily cause huge electrolyte disturbances, especially if they are in one way or the other done improperly, either through method or equipment or both. They are fine, say, once a week as they help clean out all the terrible crap that most of us put into our bodies, and they also stimulate and relieve stress on the body, but to do it so often that it like becomes this thing for you, or like a secondary way to take a shit, is very bad.With that said, anal sex here and there is no big deal. To be honest, in my opinion, if you and your partner dont mind, then you dont really even need to do enemas, but in this case you absolutely have to take a big piss when youre done, regardless of gender and regardless of role, as this ensures that your urinary tract does not harbor any feces and become infected and whatnot.Two simple things to avoid with anal sex is friction and tearing. The latter is easily avoided. In the case of the former, friction, especially once you get beyond the anus, tells you that youre doing it wrong. Friction is essentially scraping, and scraping the walls of the intestine irritates them and ultimately inhibits their proper function to various extents. And also, there is no errogneous tissue inside the intestines, only at the anus, thus the sexual gain in that area is merely one of mentality and emotion albeit potentially rather great not physical.So to tie this all up, I would say two seperate times a week, tops, such as Tuesdays and Saturdays, and for whoever does enemas if at all, once per week. The other benefit here is that the receivers ass will have time to recoup and be fresher and as a result they will experience more pleasure each time.Anyway hope that helped.
Gallery StockAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowAfter chatting with a 39yearold mom who loves anal sex , I got to thinking about the precise ways in which anal is taboo and how to mythbust them. Clinical Sexologist and Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Kat Van Kirk weighed in on whats true about anal, and whats not.The myth: It will hurt.The truth: Anal sex doesnt have to hurt. Its often just done incorrectly. Many women find it incredibly pleasurable, and some even report having orgasms with them. If you and your partner start slow, work your way into insertion with smaller implements like fingers and sex toys and use plenty of lube, pain will be the last thing on your mind.The myth: Once it hurts, it will always hurt.The truth: So you tried it once and insertion hurt really bad. You made your partner stop and vowed never to go back there again. You dont have to shut the backdoor because of one or two negative experiences. Most of these experiences have to do with not following the above instructions: go slow, graduate in size and use lube . Plus there is a nice trick to get you relaxed. If you also stimulate your clitoris at the same time it can encourage the pleasure over pain response.The myth: Only sluts have anal sex.The truth: Youve always heard that bad girls are the only ones willing to have anal sex. In actuality, anal sex has been voted the number one taboo sexual behavior that heterosexual couples want to try. So obviously, we all cant be sluts. Theres a natural curiosity about our bodies and if there is pleasure to be had, you should feel you can explore that in a safe and healthy way.The myth: Having anal sex will save your sex life.The truth: Yes, I have actually heard this in my office more than once. It usually has to do with a couple that has more than once sexual issue, especially a female who might be inhibited about her sexuality and it is getting in the way of her sex life with her partner. Some men behold anal sex as the holy grail and if they can just get their wives and girlfriends to partake then the floodgates (so to speak) about sex would open in general. Those other issues need to be worked out ahead of time and then if and when she feels open to the experience should they approach the subject. If she is just doing it out of fear of losing her relationship, she probably wont enjoy it anyway.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowThe myth: Your man wont respect you later.The truth: So he got what he wanted from you and now wants nothing to do with you? Im sure this happens occasionally but with more than just anal sex but any sort of sexual activity. Most men though, are modern enough to see anal sex as just one component of healthy sex life. And because of the taboo of anal sex, it might actually help you feel closer and more emotionally bonded to your partner.The myth: It will cause you physical damage.The truth: Having any sort of sex the wrong way could cause damage. Think about it: If you are vaginally dry and dont use additional lube, you can cause microtears in the vagina. The same thing can happen in anal sex. Granted the vagina does create its own lubrication usually (depending on hormones etc.) and the anus does not but that just means real lube (not saliva) needs to be used for a healthy experience.The myth: You dont need to use condoms when you have anal sex.The truth: This is a misconception because many people think that because there is no pregnancy risk that you also dont need to use a condom. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Most STDs are transferrable through the anus (chlamydia, gonorrhea, infectious hepatitis and HIV). Some even more so, because the lining of the anus is much more thin and can be broken more easily if too much dry friction occurs (again, please refer to the importance of lube use).Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowThe myth: Once you give your partner anal sex, it will be all he wants.The truth: Its no secret, many men do cop to the fact that they enjoy the additional tightness the anus affords as compared to the vagina. But most men dont want to give up the main entry either. Vaginas are still revered. Anal sex tends to be a treat mixed into your regular sexual repertoire of play.The myth: Your anus will get all stretched out.The truth: Just like the myth that the vagina gets irreparably stretched out from childbirth, this is also a misconception. There were rumors in the late seventies of groups of men who engaged in so much anal activity that they actually lost control of bowel movements. Regular, healthy use of anal sex will not lead to this outcome. Through regular anal sex, your anus does learn to become more relaxed but much of that has to do with your ability to relax yourself mentally for the act. And we all know that the vagina accommodates a wide range of penises, the anus can too with the right introduction.The myth: Its dirty (literally).The truth: This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions I run across. The anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think. This doesnt mean you should transfer the elements into the vagina by having anal sex and then vaginal sex though because they are two different environments, even microscopic fecal elements can cause vaginal infections. Just be sure to as with antimicrobial soap before vaginal reentry or just end your sexual exploits for that evening with anal sex. Regardless, if you are still concerned, you can always have a bowel movement prior followed by an enema, if you want to be squeaky clean.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowDr. Kat Van Kirk is Clinical Sexologist and Marriage and Family Therapist who hosts the popular iTunes podcast, Sex Chat with Dr. Kat. You can find out more about her at www.drkat.com.Follow Anna on Twitter .
by Heather MontgomeryAt some point in life, many couples wonder and ask themselves, What is the average amount of sex that other couples are having? And though the answer is not perfectly clear, sex therapists have said many things about this very topic. Here is what they say, as well as some additional tips to help you get your sex life on track!The AverageThere is some question among sex therapists about what the true average is for couples in committed relationships. The answers can range from once a week to once a month! WhenIan Kerner, PhD,was asked how he responds to couples who ask him how often they should have sex, he said,Ive always responded that theres no one right answer.When couples stop having sex, their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce.After all, a couples sex life is affected by so many different factors: age, lifestyle, each partners health and natural libido and, of course, the quality of their overall relationship, to name just a few.So while there may be no one right answer to the question of how often couples should have sex, lately Ive somewhat been less equivocal and advise couples to try to do it at least once a week.According to David Schnarch, PhD, through a study conducted with more than 20,000 couples, he found that only 26 of couples are hitting the onceaweek mark, with the majority of the respondents reporting sex only once or twice a month, or less!MORE: The Elusive Orgasm: Why Is It Harder to Have One PostChildbirth? However, another study, printed in The University of Chicago Press about 10 years ago, stated that married couples are having sex about seven times a month, which is a little less than twice a week. And in a third study, it was reported that out of the16,000 adults interviewed, the older participants were having sex about 2 to 3 times per month, while younger participants said they were having sex about once a week.Continue ReadingIs Your Marriage In Trouble?Most sex therapists agree that having sexless than 10 times a year is reason enough to labelyour marriage a sexless one. However, a lack of sex does not mean your marriage is in trouble, according to Schnarch.While sex may be the way couples typically express their love and desire for each other, a lack of sex doesnt necessarily mean that you are headed for a breakup, though it is something that you should get a handle on.Dr. Kerner says,Sex seems to be rapidly falling to the bottom of Americas todo list but, in my experience, when couples stop having sex their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. I believe that sex matters: Its the glue that keeps us together and, without it, couples become good friends at best, or bickering roommates at worst.How to Sync Your Sex DrivesThere are a lot of factors that need to fall into place to make sex something you are desiring. In many couples, a difference in opinion can be a problem. Al Cooper, from the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre, says, In general, however, a couples problems are often less about sex, per se, than getting to the sex.If your sex drives are out of balance, your aim is to meet in the middle, having sex a bit more than one partner likes, but probably a bit less than the other likes. Dr. Gail SaltzNo couples willingness for sex at any given time lines up perfectly.The key is how well a couple negotiates the times when one initiates and the other refuses. As with every issue in a relationship, sex and the frequency at which you have it requires compromise.It may seem like a large mountain to climb, when you think of all the other things you deal with on a daily basis. Laundry, work, cooking meals, cleaning, and other tasks often seem more important than a quickie with your partner but sex can become fun again! Kerner says, Once we stop doing it, its easy to get stuck in a slump but once we get back on track, we remember how much we missed it. The old adage use it or lose it has some truth. So does my suggestion, try it, youll like it.MORE: Sleepy Marriages: The Importance of ShutEye for Relationships Parenting At first, it might mean scheduling sex and making the time that leads up to the sex more intimate. Hug each other each day, exercise to increase your testosterone levels, and turn off the distractions, like the computer and TV. If you are still having problems with being able to engage in intimacy, seeing a sex therapist may really help you and your partner land on the same page!