How to have sex after you have finished
Share this articleShareDespite bingewatching seemingly being the viewing choice for many diehards one of the biggest stars of the series recently opened up about the dangers of it.Winona Ryder talked to Entertainment Tonigh t at the Los Angeles premiere on Thursday night as she said: I am still sort of wondering what is going to happen. I havent seen the whole thing.Exhausting: Several fans took to Twitter in the wee hours of Friday morning to react to the brand new episodesIt is very dangerous binging. I am very guilty of it, but you know, you dont move, you sit there and suddenly the days go by. But it is fun.No doubt devotees have been waiting for a long time for this day to come as the first series was released over a year ago on July 15, 2016.Stranger Things has has young main core of stars including Millie Bobby Brown, 13, Caleb McLaughlin, 16, Noah Schnapp, 13, and Gaten Matarazzo, 15, who have all returned for this season.Praise: Many diehards already claimed to have finished the seriesIf anyone asks where I am, Ive left the country: Some were ready with excuses to why they couldnt be social while binging the second seriesExciting: Social media users couldt help but post about their excitementOne user posted a gif image of the boys with the caption: Ahh, StrangerThings2 deserves all the love. As beautiful and exciting as its first part thanks to these boys.Another big fan of the series praised the way that Netflix released shows in one fell swoop as she completed the season hours after release.She wrote: The best thing about Netflix is I can binge 9 episodes in one go, The worst thing is that I just binged 9 episodes in one go StrangerThings2.One of the funnier posts on social media came from a fan who wrote: Me When I start my strangerthings2 marathon:Hilarious: Twitter was flooded with funny messages about the seriesThey completed the statement by including a screenshot ofFinn Wolfhards character Mike Wheeler who said: If anyone asks where I am, Ive left the country.The brand new season takes place around a year after the events of the first one.As with the premiere season, fans can expect plenty of Eighties nostalgia as the series pays tribute to classic films including Ghostbusters, The Goonies, Potergeist, E.T., and Aliens.No doubt it is an exciting time as the entire cast and crew got together for the Los Angeles premiere at Westwood Village Theatre on Thursday night.Stranger Things season 2 is currently streaming on Netflix now.Altogether now:No doubt it is an exciting time as the entire cast and crew got together for the Los Angeles premiere at Westwood Village Theatre on Thursday nightEighties babies:Stranger Things season 2 is currently streaming on Netflix nowRead more:
Visit siteWho knew! Proving that her boyfriend is multitalented, Stacey branding it a masterpiece as he drew a rather impressive interpretation of a cliff and shorelineAnd proving that her boyfriend is multitalented, Stacey was left baffled by Joes finished painting, branding it a masterpiece as he drew a rather impressive interpretation of a cliff and shoreline.Stacey joked: So tonight for joes birthday I took him to a paint and wine class... turns out hes a drunk artist how the hell did he pull this off?? I cant stop laughing in amazement.In the video, Stacey is seen looking on shocked while insisting viewers the painting was in fact painted by Joe. When asked how he did it, Joe replied: I have no idea, it was like a big mistake!While the couple appeared to have a ball on their city break, it was some what overshadowed, as Stacey found herself forced to hit back after seeing details about her sex life with Joe surfacing online.In an interview with The Sun, she had confessed to sneaking out of her house to steal intimate moments with Joe, after putting her sons to bed, while her mother babysits, before then returning in time to make her boys breakfast.Having her say: Their trip, however, was slightly overshadowed as Stacey was forced to hit back after previously commenting on the duos sex lifeShe told The Sun on Sunday : I get my mum round to babysit, sneak out to Joes, get back before the kids wake up and get them breakfast like nothings happened.Stacey added that the couple can finally have sleepovers as her sons have started sleeping in their own beds, adding: Joe also comes over to mine for sleepovers. We put the kids down and then have a bath together, just the two of us.I really value that. The kids have their own room now so Joe and I can have a spoon.Taking to Twitter, however, Stacey slammed the publication for focusing on her sexual relationship with Joe, instead of the NTAs and Loose Women something she is very proud of.Tactile:The Loose Women panellist admitted she heads out to see Joe at 8pm and gets back at 5am to serve up breakfast for Zachary, nine and Leighton, fiveStacey, meanwhile, has been publicly known to discuss her relationship with Joe before and had confessed that she suffers from a low libido as the Loose Women panel discussed their sex drives live on air.After a sex drive test described her urges as being a safe driver, the singer revealed: I am intimidated by sex quizzes. Im not highly driven. Im not doing all that stuff on the survey, it makes me feel intimidated.I worry about my sex drive. I worry that mines not high enough. Im 28 and its not high enough. I do love Joe...The problem is that girls my age and things you read for people in my stage of life is that everyones out there doing it every day and mines not like that. Id do it everyday if I could.Cheeky: Joe also comes over to mine for sleepovers. We put the kids down and then have a bath together, just the two of us. I really value that, she told The Sun on SundayEarlier in the week the panel had been discussing if they still get broody, with Stacey revealing shes keen to have a baby with boyfriend Joe.The starconfessed she wants baby number three, but admitted her actor beau doesnt sound so keen.Stacey said: After this conversation Im like I better have another baby. I definitely want another baby and it definitely makes me broody when I see people are pregnant and having babies.Stacey added that her sister, Gemma, had recently had another baby, saying: Ive looked at her and been like, I want one of those!She continued: I already have two beautiful baby boys so if I dont, I wont be upset, but its definitely in my plan. I dont know if its in Joes plan!Stacey has been in a relationship with Im A Celebrity: Extra Camp presenter Joe Swash for two years, and the star had previously hinted she wouldnt rule out children with him.Candid:Stacey Solomon confessed that she suffers from a low libido as the Loose Women panel discussed their sex drives on Fridays showRead more:
Sex Love and RelationshipsWheelchair Sex After Spinal Cord InjuryWheelchair sex and the ability to develop sexuality, participate in sexual activity, and maintain long term intimate relations is desired as much by people with a disability as in the general population. The majority of spinal cord injury wheelchair users are 15 to 45 years of age so sex and fertility often becomean important issue.The amount of physical sexual function and ability to feel pleasure or pain sensation after a spinal cord injury depends on level and completeness. In general, an incomplete spinal cord injury affects sexual function to a varying degree if at all, as opposed to complete where no function exists.For men with incomplete spinal cord injuries involuntary motor and or sensory function still exists below the level of injury. The ability to achieve a sustainable erection for wheelchair sex and reach orgasm is usually possible. After a complete injury the ability to achieve erections, ejaculate, and father children can be greatly compromised.For women complete or incomplete, following an initial absence of menstrual cycle, fertility is rarely impaired, though vaginal lubrication may be. In both sexes limited to no sensation below the level of injury is common. By having wheelchair sex many couples are rediscovering sex after spinal cord injury.Wheelchair sex enriches their lives and results in a more understanding closer relationship.Safe Sex and What to do With CathetersNever assume a spinal cord injury causes infertility or makes one incapable of catching and spreading Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD). Practice safe sex as you would normally. Men with a permanent Indwelling Catheter (IDC) can remove or fold back and cover with a condom or otherwise secure to penis shaft. Women with an IDC can also leave a catheter in during sex unless it causes problems. Stoma and those who selfcath (pass a catheter several times a day to drain bladder) usually do so just prior to sex to avoid any unwanted urine leakage. Supra Pubic Catheter users are free to engage in wheelchair sex, intimacy andsexual intercourse anytime.Quadriplegia sex with catheters after spinal cord injuryUsually high level quadriplegics cannot go without a catheter for long. Care should be taken not to pull on a catheter during sex but dont let it spoil enjoyment. If either wheelchair sex partner (or soloist) has major concern about a catheter for medical or aesthetic reasons tape it and any tubing to the body prior to love making. Be aware tubing pressed hard against skin can cause blisters. A sleeve of soft material slipped over the catheter and or tubing may avoid blistering.Orgasm Erectile and Vaginal FunctionMen with incomplete spinal cord injuries may achieve reflex, but not psychogenic erections. That is an erection may be achieved by physical stimulus, touch,not erotic vision or thought. While a more than adequate blessing for most, such erections are not always sustainable or strong enough for penetrative sex. Not only can unpredictable erections cause embarrassing situations during sexual intimacy but for wheelchair users in public (being void of sensation below the level of injury) unaware they have an erection. It has been reported that 45 percent of men have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury.Complete injuries involving S2 to S4 affect the nerves responsible for two main chambers (corpora cavernosa) of the penis which fill with blood to create an erection, damage at and above this level makes reflex (physically stimulated) erections totally unachievable for most. If a sphincterectomy has been performed reflex and psychogenic erections are rarely possible. Difficulties with erections may eventually be experienced by nearly half of men with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) caused by lesions of the thoracic spine and autonomic nerves.The most sensitive area of the penis is the fraenum (underside of penis head). A vibrator applied to the fraenum can not only induce erection but orgasm, ejaculation. For a woman laying face up the erogenous zone is two to three inches inside the vagina and upward, called the Gspot.During wheelchair sex a womans Gspotmight be moreeasilyreached by sliding her hips up to the front edge of the wheelchair seat.Women with incomplete spinal injuries are generally able to produce vaginal lubrication and enjoy wheelchair sex. For women with complete injuries between T10 and T12 there is typically an absence of either psychogenic or reflex lubrication. Attempted penetration of the vagina by any means may trigger adductor and pelvic floor muscle spasm. Be patient and never force entry. It has been reported that 53 percent of women have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury.Medications and Sex Aids After Spinal Cord InjuryThe introduction of oral medications Viagra and Ciallis have largely replaced their intracavernosal predecessors. Swallowing a pill has much less shock value thaninjecting and massaging meds into the penis. While both methodscan helpsustain an erection, the ability to achieve some form of erection in the first place, is most desirable.I am one of the lucky quadriplegic wheelchair userswho can get an erection simply by touch. I have tried Viagra several times. In the interests of research for this wheelchair sex article of course.Idid not noticeViagra of any benefit to my usual sexual function. Viagra is really onlyof benefit to those who can achieve psychogenic erections(erectionsfrom erotic thoughts).Devices such as vacuum erection pumps can initiate erection and tight rings or bands applied to the base of penis will restrict blood drain from the penis once erection is achieved. Penile pump implants are also available but carry risk of erosion, leakage, or infection requiring removal. Some men with intact sacral anterior nerve roots are able to achieve stimulatordriven erections, though the primary reasonfor doing so is urination, not sex.Disability sex wedge, paraplegic sex swing, hoist bondage and armrests for wheelchair sexDisability sex aids like sex wedges, sex swings, vibrators, the height of a bed or table, power tilt on a wheelchair and easily removable arm rests are worth consideration when purchasing equipment with wheelchair sex in mind. Partners of wheelchair users will attest the wheelchair itself becomes a sexual aid at times.For the more sexually adventurous, electric powered mechanical sex seats and fetish equipment like neck braces, casts, catheters, crutches, straitjackets, bondage, electrostimulators, mouth spreaders, and speculum devices exist.Sex lubricants such as KY Jelly can assist in achieving sexual penetration and increase enjoyment of wheelchair sex. Application of these gels or body sauces and massage oils to other areas where greater sensation exists may also prove pleasurable during wheelchair sex.Wheelchair Sex PositionsWheelchair sex positionsHow do people in wheelchairs have sex? Just like any other person, usually in bed. Some sexual positions are more difficult in bed after spinal cord injury as paralysis makes it hard to roll over or climb on top, compounded by loss of leg function for support, and hips for thrust. Therefore some sexual positions are more easily achieved by practisingwheelchair sex. Most modern wheelchairs have easy to remove armrests, swing away footplates, folding backrests and locking brakes and such easily accommodate wheelchair sex and greater sexual freedom. Those in wheelchairs due to spinal cord injury often describe their wheelchair as their legs and therefore it becomes a part of their sexuality.Paraplegics rely on upper body strength to perform adventurous wheelchair sex positions. Quadriplegics or Tetraplegics rely on assistance from their partner to do the same. For wheelchair sex sliding the paralyzed male or females bottom to the front edge of the wheelchair seat gives greater access for sex. When both sex partners have high level spinal cord injuries a sex worker may be employed to assist in wheelchair sex and intercourse. Be aware when limited sensation below the level of spinal cord injury exists, sensitivity above the level of injury often increases, and can become hypersensitive. Go easy on those nipples.Some find paralysis and wheelchair users very sexually attractive and actively seek them as partners. Most are caring empathetic people genuinely interested in people with disabilities. Occasionally however such relationships are sought assuming that a position of dominance and control will be given and can result in conflict or violence. Wheelchair sex fetish should not be thought of as perverse. Like any sexual practice it only becomes unhealthy or inappropriate and often illegal when forced into or thrust upon minors and unsuspecting, unwilling parties. For example public masturbation, flashing and upskirting.Throw Clinical Approach Out The Bedroom WindowAs a C4 incomplete quadriplegic male able to achieve reflex but not psychogenic erections the sight of my beautiful girlfriend still makes me want to pin her to the wall and tear her lingerie off with my teeth. A clinical diagnosis deeming psychogenic, sexual thought and erotic vision of no benefit to establishing erection, bares no relevance in the bedroom. Scented candles, rose petals, lingerie, nudity, enticement, foreplay, wheelchairs and other apparatus can hold new use and appreciation for both sexes. Blessed with a patient willing partner I even turn my head sideways looking at my hoist lately.Sexy is not about sensation. It took time to recognize that what I was feeling during sex was less about physical sensation and more of a mental buildup. Its mind over matter, but theres definitely a release. It was completely frustrating at first, but I think part of the healing process was learning the ways my body works differently after my accident. Angela RockfordExperiment with your partner to discover the new frontier spinal cord injury and wheelchair sex brings. Talk with them to learn about their body, likes and dislikes. People with a physical disability often have a poor self body image, thinking they are damaged goods, broken, somehow less than. This perception or stigma is difficult to change in both the disabled and general publics mind. Often an ablebodied sex partner will feel guilt for having full sensation. These feelings are normal and should be discussed, but dont dwell on them. Healthy love making is about pleasing your partner. The person with limited sensation from spinal cord injury often derives great joy and sexual satisfaction from simply pleasuring their partner.Agirlfriendof mine was asked what she sees in me because Im, not a whole man. Resisting the urge to punch them out of their seat she replied, Hes more man than any I know, I see the man not the wheelchair.Spinal Cord Injury Emissions and EjaculationsFor seminal emission to occur the spinal cord nerves from T11 to L2 to the vasa deferentia, seminal vesicles, and prostate must be intact. Emission being a trickling or leakage of semen with no rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles as in true ejaculation. Some with complete cord lesions at lumbar or sacral level may be able to achieve psychogenic erections and emission. Retrograde ejaculation, where the semen is ejected into the bladder rather than the urethral meatus is common.When ejaculation cannot be achieved by sexual intercourse it may be induced by masturbation or vibrator stimulus of the fraenum (underside tip) of the penis. Emissions may also be induced by rectal electroejaculation (a vibrator applied to prostate via the anus).Ahypogastric plexus stimulator can also be implanted to achieve emission, using a single inductive link across the skin. When neither ejaculation nor emission can be achieved collection of sperm by epididymal aspiration or testicular biopsy (a sample collected from testicles by needle) is possible.Fertility After Spinal Cord InjuryFertility in men progressively reduces after spinal cord injury. A low sperm count with diminished motility (swim strength) is often due to continuing nonejaculation, infection and raised testicular temperatures from sitting in a wheelchair and laying in bed for long periods with little mobility and poor air flow. Earliest collection and storage of sperm after a spinal cord injury might therefore be enacted. Seminal fluid qualitymay improve after repeated ejaculation. All good reasons to engage in regular wheelchair sex.It is essential to obtain microbiological cultures of the seminal fluid and eradicate any infection prior to proceeding with an attempt at fertilization. Fertilization success rates after spinal cord injury have improved with the use of seminal fluid enhancement techniques, intrauterine insemination, InVitro Fertilization (IVF) and Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI).For women after an initial absence of menstrual cycles fertility is rarely compromised. If the spinal cord lesion is complete above T10 labor may be painless. When unable to bear down effectively during the second stage of labor forceps are often used to assist in delivery. Autonomic Dysreflexia during labor is a risk for mothers with a spinal cord injury at T6 and above, this can be prevented with an epidural anesthesia.Sexual Access and Opportunity for DisabledGet the latest Flash Player to see this player.(Sex)abled Disability Uncensored celebrates people with disabilities as sexual beings. This 14minute film made by San Francisco State University students features the bright and lively participants of the discussion panel sponsored by UC Berkeleys Disabled Students Union called Are Cripples Screwed? Enjoy engaging with Bay area community members and comedian Josh Blue (winner of Last Comic Standing) as they share their personal experiences with wheelchair sex, dating and intimacy. Please consider making a contribution to the production of this video at Sex Smart Films .For significantly disabled wheelchair users such as high level spinal cord injury tetraplegics (quadriplegics) on ventilators living in structured environments, nursing homes, group homes and institutions, wheelchair sex and opportunities for sexual and gender expression may be limited. Institutional barriers to wheelchair sex and sexual relationships include cramped conditions, a lack of privacy, unwelcome intrusion by support staff, prohibited relationships with staff, prohibited sexual contact between residents and prohibited sexual relations between residents and visitors.Disabled peoples sexual and emotional needs are rarely included in any discussion or representation in popular culture such as movies, music, and magazines. When disabled people are represented in more sexually positive ways by media, often social cultural and institutional supports follow suit, advocating for disabled peoples greater sexual access and sexual wellbeing. For wheelchair users with spinal cord injury this positive sexual representation not only promotes wheelchair sex. It strengthens sexual selfidentification and heightens sexual selfesteem. It creates an avenue for nondisabled people to see the disabled in a more sexually attractive light.Disability in the Commercial Sex IndustryParaplegics and quadriplegics are employed as sex workers in several fields. Increasing numbers of women with paralysis from spinal cord injury and other physical disabilities are being employed in the phone sex industry. Some customers specifically request sexual surrogates (qualified sex therapy educators who engage in sex). Others requestwheelchair bound prostitutes. Some earn a living as wheelchair sex porn stars. Disability sex educators, with an actual disability, are highly sought after. Wheelchair bound glamour models are increasingly seen in the fashion industry. There is even aniche for medical equipment test pilots.A 13 billion dollar industry in the United States, commercial outlets and websites selling disability fetish calendars, pictures and videos of disabled women and men having sex, wheelchair sex, naked gimp amputees, girls in casts and various other mediums of wheelchair bound people having sex are increasingly common in western culture. Most are produced solely for pornographic use which is fine for adult porn entertainment but is all tooften exploitative of the disability sector. Porn movies featuring nondisabled wheelchairpretendersdo little topromote real wheelchair sex or sex with a disability. The wheelchair becomes nothing more than a prop.The relationship between disability and the commercial sex industry has developed healthier approaches through increased education and recognition of sexuality of people with disabilities as an important issue. With or without disability however gender imbalance will always exist, where women are seen as goods and men as the consumer or buyer of such goods.Disability in the International Sex IndustryThe global sex industry is worth an estimated 850 billion US dollars per year spawning many illegal underground subcultures. Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world, targeting vulnerable sections of populations including disabled people. Globally, 27 million people are held in slavery for the two main purposes oflabor and sex. Often considered unable to work, those with a disability are nearly always exploited for sex.Disabled women often enter into traditional prostitution as the lowest and cheapest commodity due to their extremely marginalized status. This places them at great risk of sexual abuse, rape and sexually transmitted disease HIVAIDS. Each country has their own inherent problems concerning sexual issues, such as traditional customs and culture, access and support, education and advocacy, economy and research. The problems facing the international sex industry are many and positive outcomes few.Paraplegic Ellen Stohl Playboy Pictorial 1989Five Quick Wheelchair Sex FactsA Braille copy of Playboy featuring the beautiful paraplegic Ellen Stohl was provided by the National Library Service for the Blind and Handicapped in the USA until Congress banned its production.The average age of entry into pornography and prostitution in the USA is 13. Of these more than 10 have a disability.In Australia, the Accsex Network provides disabled people with asexattendant and can arrange access to other wheelchairsex services.The Pink Palace, a brothel in Melbourne, gained global media attention by making their premises wheelchair accessible and installing a sitdown shower.In Zimbabwe some still believe that HIVAIDS can be cured by having sex with a disabled person.Barriers to Sexual Expression After Spinal Cord InjurySocial attitudes and physical barriers associated with decreased mobility as well as a dependency on others for care after a spinal cord injury often hinders sexual expression. A social attitude that deems people with physical disabilities as dependent and helpless onlyfosters assumptions.It serves to prevent ablebodied people from accepting a person with spinal cord injury as a sexual partner.Perceived as very needy a relationship with a person of high level spinal cord injury such as quadriplegia or tetraplegia is imagined to be extremely demanding and never equal. This attitude can also become internalized by the person with spinal cord injury. They start to believe their dependency makes them undesirable wheelchair sex and life partners.Wheelchair sex barriers after SCIWheelchair sex barriers after spinal cord injury and the true sexual desires, prowess and functions of people with disabilities, are greatly compromised by mythical stigma and stereotypes. People with intellectual disabilities for example are often believed to be oversexed and dangerous or asexual and eternally childlike. Other wheelchair users, especially those with a spinal cord injury are considered unable to parent, conceive, or adequately raise children. These false stereotypes further exclude people with disabilities from sexual activities. This has been highlighted by an increasingly vocal constituency of people with disabilities expressing frustration at the social barriers preventing full participation in life particularly in the taboo area of sexuality.Emphasis has been placed on social reintegration of wheelchair users like those with spinal cord injury in recent times. Schemes and programs have been developed to open opportunities for wheelchair sex, independent living, education, employment, health, sport, transport and physical wheelchair access. Many people meet sex partners and life partners at college, their workplace and social events, but for wheelchair users they must first be able to participate and express their sexuality. Only then can they be seen as sexually able and possibly sexually attractive.Identified Sexual Outcomes After Spinal Cord InjuryToday, there is a greater awareness that sexuality is equally important to men and women with disabilities and that sexuality is an integral part of the development and experience of all people. Much of what we know about the social barriers that people with disabilities face in relation to their sexuality comes from the reports of people with disabilities themselves. Disability activists have also played a strong role, campaigning for the sexual rights of people with disabilities, including the right to have sexual relationships, the right to be parents, and the right to access sexual services.Wheelchair LovePeople with a disability including wheelchair users with spinal cord injury dont always portray the youth, virility, athleticism and physical beauty that is so sought after in western culture. Often resented by the ablebodied, seen as ugly and repulsive, the disabled body is hidden or presented as something to be avoided, corrected, and pitied.Historically, there has been a fear that people with disabilities will produce offspring with disabilities, and a belief that this is something that should be avoided. Despite the history of exclusion, physical limitations, isolation and abuse, it is important to note that for other people with disabilities, their sexual rights are being achieved and they are leading satisfying sexual lives.Both paraplegics and quadriplegics living with spinal cord injury are enjoying relationships of all kinds, having children, marrying other disabled people and people who do not have a disability. People with disabilities are enjoying active wheelchair sex lives, dating, loving, touching, kissing, hugging, sucking, fingering, and fucking. Some are accessing the sex industry, visiting sex workers, working as sex workers, consuming pornography, and in some instances, making pornography.People paralyzed by spinal cord injury are learning and teaching about sex, as sex educators, counselors, and researchers. They are finding and sharing useful ways to enjoy wheelchair sex, express their sexuality, increase sexual pleasure and bolster sexual self esteem. Prioritizing the sexual rights of people with disabilities, as well as dissolving stereotypes, taboos and silences will ensure that these success stories become the norm for most people with disabilities in years to come.Graham Streets
July 11, 2011Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseI love Roiphes writing style. Perhaps envy is a better word. She was amazingly gifted writing this as a young woman now seventeen years ago. The best part is her forward in defense of dissent, written after she had suffered and survived her first few waves of feminist onslaught for not toeing the party line. Yes, the feminists are strident, boring, and so caught up in their own Marxist, deconstructionist cant as to be incomprehensible.The thought that I cannot suppress is one which never even comes to Roiphes mind. What is sex for? The biological answer is procreation, not recreation. One would hope that she would document a glimmer of a notion on campus that kids might be preparing for marriage and family, but there is hardly a hint of it. No concept that a body is more than just a vehicle for sex organs, or that a person might reside within a soul. Nope just mechanics.This fearful, mechanistic view of sex precludes preparation for forming a partnership with a person of the other sex, for that noblest of traditional reasons, raising kids. If you are preoccupied with him raping you, or your not getting off when you have sex, it is hard to look beyond these ephemera towards working in tandem to raise kids.Returning to Roiphes issues, she sees men and women more clearly than her feminist antagonists. She recognizes that men often want more than just sex, and that women sometimes do want sex. It is perhaps not a bad generalization that men have higher libidos than women. However, she is right to observe that men can and generally do control their lust, and women sometimes allow themselves to be swept away by it.This many years after publication, biography seems like a legitimate question. How has Roiphes life turned out? She is a writer of a modest number of well acclaimed books. There is no mention anywhere of marriage. She herself refers to a series of shallow affairs as a young woman, and it may be that that has continued. At 43 she is almost past considerations of family. This seems to me to be a tragedy. Her mother created her, which by her contribution to the world was a noble effort. What about Katie herself?Roiphe waxes philosophical in the last chapter of the book, noting that every era has its own signature foibles and dogmas. Take Back The Night and the demonizing of men were the quirks of her generation. She saw through that enough to write this book. Too bad she didnt see far enough to realize that men and women are in the game together, bound to find each other and somehow reproduce the species, or else die out in a flood of exculpatory explanations for not doing so.
You dont have to be a slave to porn. Below (from one of our amazing clients) are 6 things in your life that get better after you quit porn . You can do it too.Six months ago, my entire day revolved around porn. It was ruining my relationship. It was getting in the way of my goals and plans. It just had to stop, so I embarked upon a path to give up porn. I called Compulsion Solutions because I had decided that it was time to grow up. Now I can undoubtedly say: Life is better.I know that when you first give up any addiction, it can be difficult to be optimistic. If youre in the beginning stages of giving up a vice, there are days when you are going to hate it. So I want to share some of the things you get to look forward to when you finally kick that crap to the curb1. You suddenly have more time in your day.What do you want to accomplish in your life? Do you want to learn another language? Finish reading the Harry Potter books? Learn to cook? Build a birdhouse? Do you want to become a professional basketball player? Make some extra money? Visit France? Shake hands with Obama? Earn a promotion? Get a girlfriend? Start a band? Lose weight?Well, guess what! Giving up porn can give you back the time that youve been missing. When I was using, I would find myself watching porn for hours at a time. Add it all up over a week and I had a parttime job watching porn . The only thing it paid me was shame and regret. Things were always getting done at last minute, I was often late for work or meeting with friends, and my apartment was always a mess.Take porn out of the equation and suddenly I had a huge chunk of time that I could put toward all those things I wanted to accomplish. The laundry, dishes, and vacuuming all got done in a day. I was able to concentrate on improving myself instead of hurting myself. My homework and assignments were all getting handedin on time. And just recently, I ended up with a 90 average in school. I also won a small scholarship for having the highest grades in my program. I added more to my writing and multimedia portfolio than I thought possible.The best part is, all the new skills, goals and accomplishments suddenly become your focus throughout your day instead of videos of naked people. You have to hide your porn use, but your new jobskillscargirlfriendetc.Those are all things you get to be proud of.Which brings me to 22.You start to like yourself. (So do other people.)This all ties into the new skills and hobbies you develop. The most amazing writer, David Wong, of Cracked.com said it best: You cant bullshit yourself into being happy.If by the end up the day, all youve accomplished is a few deposits into the spank bank and you look around to see that your place is still a disaster, what is there to feel happy about? Well, thats the problem.Human beings generate happiness from accomplishment even if just small accomplishments. Instead of letting that mess in your room accumulate, clean it up and you can smile and say: Its so much nicer in here. Oh hey! Thats where my cat was hiding. From there, you can carry that effort into other things that make you happy .Another important side effect from that is, other people will like you for it.Once you give up your porn addiction , you suddenly become the type of person employers want to hire, the type of friend people want to have, and the type of guy that girls want to date. Its only natural.Productive members of society just get more respect and admiration from people because theyre just more fun to be around. You learn that you didnt need to win a gold medal, have lots of money, or be a movie star for people to like you. You just had to accomplish a few small things to become the person that people wanted to be around. An effort at anything is usually enough to make you feel that much better at yourself.3. Sex starts to feel real again.As Gary Wilson ofyourbrainonporn.com says: Sex is not the same thing as porn. Its the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isnt the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan.When I was using, I would look forward to porn , but I would dread sex. Sex with my girlfriend felt like a chore. It wasnt her fault. I would avoid sex because I had trained my brain to look for porn for arousal. So, when it came time to satisfy my girlfriend, it just emphasized the distance I had created between us.It didnt happen right away, but after a short time, I started to desire her touch again. I didnt have to distance myself from intimacy or passion. Porn doesnt have those things. Porn lets you dismiss it when you notice a small imperfection and move on to the next video. It creates a desire for an unrealistic sex life that would never, ever satisfy anyone. It is also something that Id project onto myself. Id think Id have to be built, or hung to be desired in such a way.Leaving it all behind made me start to notice my girlfriend again and love her for who she was. It made me stop objectifying other girls as well.Have you noticed that girls dont want to spend time around you? I sure did. They were put off by my crudeness and I dont blame them.4.You finally get to stop lying.Living with a porn addiction was like having a double life. I constantly worried about being caught again by my girlfriend. Id obsess about checking to make sure my history was erased and that my cookies were deleted. No matter how many times I would check, I still felt paranoid that might have left a bread crumb somewhere and there would go my relationship. My girlfriend would confront me on things I couldnt explain. Shed always expect something and Id get mad at her for not trusting me, which was completely stupid because I wasnt trustworthy .When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well and the more lies you tell, you cant bring yourself to tell the truth about anything. To overcome this, I had to come clean about my addiction and deceptions to my girlfriendIt was incredibly painful, but after a few months, I can definitely say that it was worth it. I started to tell the truth knowing that my girlfriend could have left me for it, but it turned out that all she ever really wanted was honesty.Once I gave up porn , I didnt have to hide anymore. If I made a mistake, I could admit to it. I didnt have to pretend to be perfect. So, now when my girlfriend asks me what I did today, I can tell her the unedited version of what I really did. I no longer have to worry about hurting her, ever again.5.You understand what it means to be in control.We all know that addictions are not limited to porn or sex. The human mind is an amazing thing and it can turn almost anything into a drug. AE has a show dedicated to people with addictions from everything from alcohol and heroin to food and shopping.Once I dropped the porn from my daily routine , my brain still wanted the dopamine it was used to. I understand that it is incredibly easy to fall back into the same habit with a whole new fix. But when you apply what you learned from your addiction to other aspects of your life, it helps you make the best choices.If there is one thing Ive learned from this journey, its this: Youre an adult now and if you make bad choices, no one is going to stop you. When youre a kid, your parents limited the time youd spend watching TV, theyd make you eat your vegetable before dessert, you had to clean your bedroom if you wanted your allowance.Well, youre all grown up now. Are you going to eat McDonalds everyday? Are you going to rack up your credit cards until youre bankrupt? Are you going to drink until you throw up each night?If you do, no one will stop you. They may ask say, Hey Mike, you might want to cut back on the pizza. But no one will physically stand in your way. If you keep calling Dominos, they will keep delivering.Porn is certainly an example of this. There is a chance that no one will know youre addicted to it. The only one who can stand in your way is you. I learned to think of all the consequences. I learned to ask myself, do I need this much of this? Is this the best decision? How will this affect me tomorrow? Im not saying that I obsess over it, but its up to me to be my own best friend. Thats what an adult does.6. Things seem possible again.When I was using porn. It was my crutch. Had a bad day porn. Fight with a girlfriend porn. Bored porn .Things just seemed too damn hard when I was on it. Ive used the example of my messy apartment a few times, so here it is again. Its hard to image what was really stopping me from just getting up and doing the dishes each day. Now its no surprise.Add up all the previous points on this list and there was a guy who:Didnt do anything with himselfPeople didnt want to be around himWas afraid of intimacyHad no selfcontrol.Its no wonder life felt so difficult each day. I wanted an excuse to watch porn so Id look for reasons to feel tired, stressed and overwhelmed.Once I gave up porn, after a while, I gained the perspective that life really isnt that bad. Yes, bad things do happen. Things can be tough, but when Im looking for a crutch every time things dont go my way, then I see how Im missing out on the good things.Ive been without porn for six months and I now:Work hard at my job and school and have acquired many more useful skills that Im proud ofIm the type of person people want to have aroundI love intimacy and sex with my girlfriend againIm up front and honestI do my best to control myself and make the right decisionsAll of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I dont have to feel held up by anything because life doesnt feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living .I truly believe that life will only continue to get better from here and it can be the same way for you. If you find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed as you just begin to quit your addiction , then know that this is what you have to look forward to.Recognize that there will be slip ups, problems, and road blocks along the way, but youre trading a bunch of pixels of naked people on a computer monitor for a real life with happiness, success and freedom . Never forget that.Lets talk. Ive been through the SAME situation as you and I can help. Click the banner below or call me personally. YES, I answer the phone, and YES it is 100 confidential. GO!
Challenges to Intimacy: Iris Krasnow on Sex After 60, 70, 800303201432 commentsIris Krasnow hit the bestseller list a dozen years ago with her raw portrait of modern coupledom, Surrendering to Marriage. It was one in a series of non fiction books that have reflected Krasnows journey through life. She first became an author in her 30s as a journalist with four children under three. Her topic: balancing work and family. Next, as she matured, came one on selfdiscovery and her book on the challenges of staying married.Now, at almost 60, Krasnow is the author of the new book Sex After. . In it, sheinvestigates how people sustain intimacy while facing the challenges of lifestage transitions. She asked more than 150 men, women and experts, What is sex like after childbirth, menopause, breast cancer and turning 60, 70 or 80?And wow! Did she get answers.Senior Planet spoke to Krasnow just two weeks after Sex After arrived in bookstores and started getting attention from sources as varied as O the Oprah Magazine and the Washington Post.Youre in a long marriage and youre approaching 60. How do you feel about sexuality now and did you find a common thread among the older women you interviewed?Over 35 years, thousands of people have told me the most intimate details of their lives. Women have talked to me about shattering the myth that after menopause you have low libido. These women were enjoying more sexual satisfaction and intimacy than they did in their youth.Women are living longer than ever, theyre outliving their husbands and partners generally, and theyre dating again. Because of the extended life cycle, because of better drugs, because of heightened fitness levels, women are not only living longer theyre living better.I love growing older. I feel more youthful and energetic and hopeful than ever.Your book is filled with surprises, but perhaps none as revealing as those in the chapter Giddy Golden Girls. Since youve been writing about relationships for 35 years, was there anything that surprised you when talking to those women over 70?I talked to young people who were shocked at old ladies having sex. And theres another group of people that say, They do it. Thats great, but I dont want to know about it. And theres me I knew it was going on, but I didnt know the extent of it. I think the surprise for me was also about the power of intimacy over the power of sex.This need for intimacy is a major theme running through Sex After . You write about how intimacy evolves and often makes sex better later in life. But you also say that sex is a bridge to intimacy. So one can lead the other and vice versa?Sex is never just sex. Twentyyearolds who are hooking up are hoping the sexual chemistry will lead to some kind of emotional connection beyond the physical hookup. And I didnt talk to one person over 60 who was single and dating and wasnt looking for both the sexual chemistry and the emotional commitment.One of the experts you quote, Dr. Melanie Davis, copresident of the Sexuality and Aging Consortium, says, A pervasive myth is that older women stop wanting to be sexually active after menopause Its also a myth that the quality of sex declines with age.Even though were in 2014, the image of the sexless grandmother still exists. Ive met the spunkiest, most sexually active women who are in their 70s and 80s. These women are vibrant and strong and care about sex.Another myth is that is that happily ever after just happens automatically. You really need to put sex on your todo list. People have to remember to be sexual. It takes effort and work its a process.Some women reading about the giddy golden girls those seniors in your book who are having the best sex ever may feel theyre somehow not up to par if they dont want to have sex several times a week.Sexuality matters to us until the day we die. How we manifest that is different for every woman. There is no gold standard. There is no perfect sex life. What matters the most is how you feel about your sexuality, your level of desire and your libido. You want to communicate your sexual expectations, desires and performance levels to your partner and for your partner to be on the same page. Problems arise when you dont match.There are women who are postmenopausal, have lost their libido and dont want to be on hormones or use the vaginator that stretches female sex organs. There were a few women I interviewed who were in intimate relationships with men whose libido matched theirs. They had zero interest in sex and were happy just hiking in the woods.What about the sexuality of a woman who doesnt have a partner and may not want one?One woman I spoke to had been married a long time, had enjoyed a great sex life and now cant imagine being with another man. She says, Im just not interested. Ill go to the opera. Ill play tennis. Ill golf. But I dont want someone in my bed. She is the woman who gets a vibrator, and it may be her first. Some women just never thought of pleasuring themselves. They grew up feeling it was naughty and had a lot of guilt about it. For them, this is a new adventure.Vibrator sales are huge. I can tell you that a big chunk of that industry is sales to women over 60.Several of the older couples in your book are masters of outercourse or are attempting to master it. Is that a word you made up? What does it mean exactly?Outercourse is a word that I heard over and over again among people active in the sexualityandaging field. It means everything but Its lovemaking without penetration, but that involves kissing, nuzzling, hugging, oral sex everything but. Its pleasuring each other with sexy talk. Perhaps its erotica or sex toys. Its playful and comes in quite handy as you age.Thats really what many women enjoy young and old: taking your time and exploring each other physically. One 70year old woman attended a Tantric sex workshop with her husband where they were exploring conscious loving, not just slambam sex.I love the idea of a kind of naughty, playful, arousing alternative to hot sex, which isnt always possible. And by the way, its not always possible for people in their 30s either, or right after youve had a baby.And men? Their ability to perform changes with age, too, and, as you point out, after prostate surgery.There is the 85yearold Viagra King who wants to be rock hard, but Ive interviewed 43year old men who are taking Viagra for performance issues. Everyone is so anxious in this world. Part of the success in sexual intimacy and sustaining a relationship is being able to relax and feel comfortable and nurtured by the person youre with. One of the most profound messages in my book is to pick the right person in the first place.Prostate issues are really important. I interviewed one of the top urologists in the country, Dr. Mark Soloway, and his warning to all men is dont be so quick to go under the knife. If youre 73 and you have a slowgrowing cancer, its probably not going to kill you. Soloway is a big proponent of active surveillance. Thats a very important message for men with a high PSA and women with newly diagnosed men. ( Click here to learn more about active surveillance for prostate cancer.Another expert you talked with, Deborah Nichols, a boardcertified womens health nurse practitioner, says older women lose the tingling sensation of being aroused and have to rethink the nature of desire. Does that sensation weaken in men, too?In the end, its all about blood flow. Men get an erection from blood flow. Look at the obese man sitting on the couch and slugging back beers who cant get it up. Instead of going to a physician and getting five prescriptions, get on a treadmill buddy and stop eating the fettuccine with fivecheese sauces! Give it a try.Id say the same thing to a woman. As I get older, I eat less and I exercise more. And its got to be more and more, honey, as you get older.Sex AfterWomen Share How Intimacy Changes as Life Changes (Gotham Books) is available now in hardcover, for Kindleand as an audiobook. Find it on Amazon .SHARE PRINT!
September 23, 2014 at 12:30 pmthe MYTH that somehow time distorts memoriesThat is seriously laughable. Of course memories are lost and distorted over time. It is also possible for it to be completely changed, that is why you never ask children leading questions as it literally puts memories in their head.Dr Katrina WoodOctober 6, 2012 at 10:06 pmIn addition shame minimization fear of families rejecting victims again from shame and disbelief are all aspects of why it takes years from victims to come forward The Catholic Church is being bombarded because it takes a number of years to be on the planet experience ego strength etc to come forward. The more society permits these truths to be expressed the shorter the time frames will become hopefully to speak out BUT back in the 50s these crimes were NEVER spoken about families were told to keep whatever evils existed within the four walls of their homes thankfully psychology has developed and we realize now that speaking about suffering has curative results. There is always risk but to minimize the anguish and fear that goes with betraying a family and admitting someone in the midst has been an offender takes years to relegate the anguish and terror of taking these steps that say you Must do this within twelve years is utter reductionism and ignorance of the impact of trauma on the psyche.Read more of Dr R D Stolorow Dr George Atwood Dr. Donna Orange Dr Peter Levine Dr Pia Melody to name a few. Get your facts straight pleaseJennyOctober 7, 2012 at 5:56 pmI dont know what you are a Dr of exactly but you sound like a psychologist or therapist. Either way, you certainly sound like someone who makes their living by taking people that have dealt with the trauma of past events in their own way and then teaching those same people that they are victims, even if they did not feel as such before someone like you got their hands on them.I was in love when I was younger with a much older man, never felt it was abuse and never forgave the psychologist someone with the same views that you have expressed who 25 years later then came and completely screwed up my life, my emotions and my future marriage.Until then, I had dealt with the past perfectly well but no, your colleagues decided that whether I wanted to or not, I would accept that I was a victim, by force if necessary in order that I would testify against him which I did not by the way.That psychologist abused me far more than the man with whom I was in love all those years previously.Frankly, people like you should be taken out of circulation and certainly not allowed to force your so called professional opinion on to others or force your beliefs into their lives.You should certainly not purport to make your living from instilling shane and suffering on those who have already dealt with past events in their own way, particularly at the behest of the police or social services who just want a cheap and easy historic conviction.Dr Katrina WoodOctober 7, 2012 at 10:02 pmMany people out there absolutely were victims and have a right to their voice if they want to express their experience and to seek resolution in any way they so chose within the law to find some peace of mind so they can move forward in their lives. I dont decide who does what in their lives nor do my colleagues, people make choices they seek help . If they dont need or want it they dont seek it.Not everyone wants to confront their perpetrators, they dont have to , this post simply supports the rights of anyone who over time seeks to make the choice to speak out and find ways to heal that work for them. A statute of limitations would take that choice away as it has in many European countries and thats wrong, especially when the powerful effects of trauma can take years to surface.Being criticized for supporting those that do wish to find resolution makes no sense.Not everyones story is the same of course. But Why should the affected the traumatized ones lose their right to their own timetable if THEY want to and its THEIR choice ? Every case is different every persons story is different This post is simply about the right to preserve and protect the rights of anyone where trauma takes years to surface and they are protected by law and dont miss the opportunity. Thats all .AremusOctober 8, 2012 at 11:44 amI have seen so many people jumo on the historic offences bandwagon. Easy to prove, no evidence needed, compensation paid, often innocent men in jail.Im sick to death of hearing about victims, survivors or whatever desciption happens to be fashionable at the time when the real problem is people like you who make money from other peoples misfortune.I there were a statute of limitations, your bank balance and that of the charities that playing the same game would take a massive hit. If you really expect people to take you seriously, put a method in place whereby compensation is paid for therapy only and goes direct to the practitioner instead of the alleged victimWhen Germany ended the payment of compensation for abuse cases, claims of historic abuse al but disappeared.Do yourself and the rest of us a favour and stop meddling in other peoples lives solely so that you can boost your own ego and your own bank balance.PaulSeptember 23, 2014 at 12:48 pmA statute of limitation would not take that choice away from them. Given that people who suffer abuse are probably more likely to suffer depression andor commit suicide I would think that the quicker they get help the better. A statute of limitation would at least make people decide whether they want to make an accusation or just get on with their lives rather than just fester.Personally, I think that the moral imperative of speaking up in order to prevent other people falling victim to an abuser trumps everything. The sooner they speak up the better for all concerned, they can get help, the abuser is more likely to be prosecuted and convicted and imprisoned and best of all no one else will have to go through the agony of being abused by them.That is empowerment and would do wonders for the victims self esteem to know that they have saved others from suffering in the same way. Something of which they can be very proud!Of course the industry that has arisen to help victims needs a constant supply in order to pay their bills so anything that reduces that supply will be shouted down.A statute of limitation is not perfect and of course there will always be exceptional cases (e.g. person in coma for length of statute of limitations) but the law can allow for flexibility at the discretion of a judge.JohnMay 18, 2014 at 4:16 pmvery well put jenny and just shows up their AGENDA that the prosecution and police will pay to get the right EXPERTS and persuade the victim to reinterpret their experience as a crime,and therefore secure asuccessful historic convictiontoo easy for them these days, elite feminists ensured the laws were messed with, expanded the meaning of rape, heresay evidence and past convictions (even non sexual allowed)dates changed etc etc.thre are 1000s of innocent men locked up false allegationsRobertNovember 3, 2012 at 12:54 pmIf the abuser is longer dead and the people in authority are long retired, then who pays? The payers, the current tax payers are not involved in the abuse.(name supplied)March 16, 2012 at 3:59 pmI have only just reported being raped as a child for over 2.5 years. The abuse started 30 years ago and has effected my life totally. I have only just started to come to terms with this and found the courage to even speak about it let alone do a video statement. various reasons such as my own mother not taking action made me think that no one would believe me. Its only now that i realise that its not a question that i should worry about. I think a statute of limitation would be damaging. For the record i gain no financial benefit from waiting infact i cant claim any money whatsoever.mMarch 12, 2014 at 12:29 amI found out last year my daughter was abused from the age of 7 to the age of 12 she was raped and abused my my friends son she is a child minder looking after my daughter her son and his friend abused from the age of 7 he was 10 years old now he is 17 .my daughter has been vidio by the police now they say there dropping the case she now has to live with this abuse and rape for the rest of her life while they get on with there lifes and the childminder still looks after other peoples kids with her pedo son is there to abuse other little ch8ldren wheres justice in thatRobert WhistonMarch 7, 2012 at 12:41 amI would like to publish the above article on my blog which deals with various types of rapes and countries. Have you any objections ot conditions ?If there is any analysis I have done which you might find useful please let me know.Raymond Peytors theopinionsite.orgMarch 7, 2012 at 10:56 amEditors note: You are more than welcome to publish this and any of our other articles on your site free of charge, provided that you preserve a link to the original article. You may wish to use the search facility to locate related material. Relevant conditions can be found by clicking HERE and looking under under the heading General EditorMichelleFebruary 27, 2012 at 4:53 pmPlease do remember when publishing articles like this the effects it may have on vulnerable victims, not everyone is brave enough to come forward at the time.Sometimes the memories wont bother you for years and years then all of a sudden something will trigger that memory off, this can be devastating on a victims life when you feel your back reliving everything that happened to you as a child.Although you people think so called victims (as stated) do this for money, this isnt always the case. Maybe you should look into this deeper and see that maybe this is the only way a victim is able to move on and carry on with their life after this person destroyed all those years ago.So I disagree that there should be a limit on time.HarryFebruary 27, 2012 at 5:40 pmYou may feel that but remember that very many men have been sent to jail on the basis of some stoyry concoted years after the event with no real evidence being presented. We need a statute oflimitations, not just for sex crimes but for other offences as well. It makes me sick when someone who claims abuse is immediately regarded as a victim when nothing has been proved. If you are not going to have a statute of limitations, the accuser must produce REAL evidence, not simply rely on theur word being accepted. This is the only country where this happens and false accusations have destoyed very many families as a result. If someone is really a victim, they should have to prove it always.MichelleFebruary 27, 2012 at 6:10 pmI believe if a person has been abused then they have every right to be regarded to as a victim.The accused would not be sent to prison if there was not substatial evidence, it would be thrown out.It disappoints me that there are people out there who would actually protect predators, if thats not twisted then im not sure what is.Raymond Peytors theopinionsite.orgFebruary 27, 2012 at 9:03 pmEditors note: I am sure nobody would disagree with the idea of an abused individual being regarded as a victim. The problem is that it is simply untrue that if there was not substatial evidence, it would be thrown out. That is simply not the case and has not been the case ever since the need for corroboration of evidence was removed and eroded by successive governments. More and more cases are coming to grief when the alleged victim, realizing that the game is up, breaks down in court and admits the whole thing was a fabrication, something that then damages the credibility of all genuine victims. The fact is that under the law as it stands, particularly if the alleged victim iswas a child, the defendant has to prove his innocence rather than the prosecution have to prove his guilt. It is a fact, like it or not and as was pointedly put in Parliament, that when the German authorities removed compensation for sexual abuse, the number of victims coming forward dropped by almost 70. Sexual abuse has now regrettably become a political tool and a licence to reverse the burden of proof. Having to prove ones innocence when there is no evidence other than the word of two opposing people is impossible. It creates a situation that flies in the face of natural justice in the eyes of most people and results in many innocent men going to jail as well as those who are guilty. EditorMichelleFebruary 27, 2012 at 9:26 pmI completely understand what you are saying, but 12 years would not have been long enough for me to have brought a case against my parents.. It took me 22 years.The case is now pending, so are you suggesting I should drop it and allow them to walk free?Raymond Peytors theopinionsite.orgFebruary 27, 2012 at 10:21 pmThank you for your response. I am merely pointing out the imbalance of the current Law. I have no more moral authority than anyone else and would not be so direspectful as to suggest what you as an individual should do, not least because every case is different. My point is solely that other countries have their limitation statutes in order to avoid the tragedy of innocent people spending their lives in jail the price they are prepared to pay for that is that inevitably some guilty people go free and maybe the British are not prepared to pay that price and would rather see the innocent incarcerated as well as the guilty. EditorLouiseJune 27, 2012 at 10:52 pmThe need for corroboration has NOT been removed. The court needs at least 2 pieces of independent evidence for any case to go to trial. Serious sex crimes are judged by a jury, and the cases go on for a considerable length of time, while evidence is pored over in great detail and tested very robustly in court.You state that very many families have been destroyed and that many men are in prison as a result of miscarraiges of justice. What evidence do YOU have of this? These families may well have been destroyed but in the majority of cases it has been by the defendents actions, not the victims.The defendent absolutely does NOT have to prove their innocence, thats simply not true. Prosecutors have to prove beyond any reasonable doubt that an accused person is guilty. Witnesses, including victims, are questioned for hours, their evidence tested over and over again. But then, youve made up the information about corroborative evidence as well, so you dont seem to care that much about facts.What youre saying is that people guilty of these horrendous crimes need only wait for 12 years to pass before they can start laughing up their sleeves and celebrating the fact that they got away with ruining the lives of their victims.Perhaps you should do a LOT more research into this subject before writing about it, and it may be an idea to speak tovolunteer with victims of this kind of crime to understand the dynamics which are created by abusers actions, which paralyse victims and render them terrified to come forward immediately.What youre asking for is a system which fails victims even more than it does just now, and thats totally unacceptable.Raymond Peytors theopinionsite.orgJune 27, 2012 at 11:51 pmI am sorry to say that you are placing your faith in a jury system which, in these types of cases, place emotions and bias ahead of the Law. In effect, you describe accurately what SHOULD happen and not what actually takes place. It also follows that you believe that the countries that do in fact have a Statute of Limitations are all wrong in doing so.You are also wrong as Similar Fact evidence has been allowed for over 15 years ever since the House of Lords removed the need for corroboration.Maybe you have been a victim of such an offence in which case your view is understandable, if limited in its application. EditorJennyJune 27, 2012 at 11:56 pmLouise, you are wrong. My husband was convicted and then had his sentence quashed on appeal when the so called victim was found to have been lying.We didnt even get an apology from the police or the CPS.JohnMay 18, 2014 at 4:19 pmsounds about right too meVanessaJuly 11, 2014 at 12:45 amIf people are wrongfully convicted due to lack of evidence that is also th victims fault not the legal system? The victim was judge and jury? This is a blame the victim festival.Jean ButlerJanuary 31, 2012 at 11:15 amMy husband was convicted of historical sexual abuse and sentenced to 9 years 9 months in prison. There was no evidence other than the word of his accusers. The offences were supposed to have happened 34 years ago. The accusers lied in Court ( I know this because I have read the transcripts) but jury convicted anyway.He had no defence other than to say I didnt do thisHe is 65 and has worked hard all of his life as I have. But he is not entitled to his State Pension and neither am I.If he is to Appeal it will take years and thousands of pounds and even if he succeeds, he will unlikely be compensated. He is likely to commit suicide as a resultRaymond Peytors theopinionsite.orgJanuary 31, 2012 at 11:28 amThis is a clear example of guilty until proven innocent. There are few people who can give an innacurate or hinest account of anything that was alleged to have happened 34 years ago. The only reason that the UK still allows historic cases is because of the political pressure and moral blackmail of the child protection charities. There are few historic cases of adult sexual assault. This is because children (even those who wait until they are adults to bring the case and get the compensation) never have to explain themselves! All we ever hear about from the police and CPS are comments relating to these brave people who come forward after so many years. They dont mention that these brave people usually only come forward when they run out of money. Jean, were there groounds for appeal at all? The reason I ask is that usually such historic cases do not result in such a heavy sentence, given that the sentence cannot be more than the maximum sentence at the time of the offence. If you would prefer to answer via email rather than publicly, please do so. Editor(name supplied)March 16, 2012 at 4:09 pmI resent your comment these brave people usually only come forward when they run out of money. I have just done my video statement after 30 years. My additional evidence is my own sister who was also abused. We stand to gain absolutely nothing in terms of cash or holidays and we dont want it. How dare you challenge the bravery of someone like my sister whilst applying your view of injustice? What qualifies you to tar us all with the same brush?Andy DixonMay 9, 2014 at 12:34 pmWhile it is certainly true that in convictions for historic abuse the sentence cannot be greater than the maximum sentence that applied at the time of the offences, it seems that judges are now willing to get round this difficulty, as in the Max Clfford case, by resorting to consecutive, rather than the more usual concurrent, sentences.
Ask a Guy: When a Guy Withdraws After Sexby Eric CharlesTweetIve been dating a guy who I have known for a while for a month. The dates have all been amazing, we have so many core values, beliefs, and lifestyle aspects in common.However, the part where he have sex and he withdraws happened. Ive been totally cool about it, giving him all the space in the world, no calls, texts, emails. My Facebook page (which I know he looks at) makes it clear Ive been out with friends, at events, and that good work things are happening.My questions are: Is ANY contact okay during this withdrawal, or is all contact off limits for a while (the Rules say it is)? How long do I give the withdraw period before realizing he doesnt want to take things further? Is there anything a girl can do, apart from knowing that the guy would be crazy to not want her and continue to have an awesome life? And is there any other form of encouragement we can provide that lets him know we are interested in him, but not sitting around helplessly?First, its a huge mistake to look at relationships like some sort of game where there are rules to follow and a strategic ways to respond to specific situations.It sounds like you want your relationship with the guy to progress and you read somewhere that guys lose interest after sex, and now youre freaking out because of receiving either bad advice, or misconstruing the advice you got.Let me make this simple for youGuys want to capture a prize . And yeah, of course guys want sex, so if you think that sex is the only bargaining chip you have then you will always feel paranoid about men using you.Think about it do you honestly think that men choose a woman for their one exclusive relationship just for sex ? Of all the sex with all the women out there they could be having do you really think its just about sex for a man to make his choice?I would have to imagine youd answer: Definitely not.OK then, if thats the case then the sex is a nonissue. Frankly, if you have a pulse, youre going to have sex with the guy sooner or later. So really, since its inevitable, the real concern is finding the something more that goes beyond just the sex.QUIZ: Is He Losing Interest In You?Listen, when you inspire a man to see you as a confident , fulfilled woman with plenty to offer other than physical pleasure, he doesnt treat you like an option. He pursues you with hunger and drive.When you have the mentality that you have one bargaining chip (sex) and that you should hold out because it will magically generate interest, youre viewing sex as your one and only asset.If a guy isnt all that into you, but knows youll give it up on date 3, hell stick around long enough to get some booty then leave. His thought process is most likely, Well, I wasted this much time with her might as well cash in on the obligatory third date sex.My point here is that if you want to win with this guy (or men in general), you have to view yourself as a prize to be won as a whole. Not just your sex. You need to see yourself as the proverbial Goddess on Earth, a spectacle to behold a woman that has that certain extra something that makes you rare and unlike the rest.People are entranced and captivated by someone who has an air of excitement, adventure and pleasure to them. While it can seem like men only want physical pleasure, what most really crave is a woman who reaches them on a deep and profound level.Going back to the whole issue of giving a guy space. First, keep in mind that if your mindset is needy towards the guy or relationship, the amount of time thats passed wont really matter.But I mean if he went from constant texting to now a full week going by with nothing, then go ahead and text him.
MbbbggOMG! I have to tell you all my experience. I am a newly Wed, I remained abstinent for 2 years before marriage as well as my husband. No std or anything!! No cheating,were good!..... So months after noticing I would have a fishy odor for a few days, on and off, I began to get irritated because I did not know what was going on. I stopped using my summers eve that Ive always used the spray or even baby wipes, thinking this was throwing off my ph balance. Or something.then I noticed I still had a fishy odor on and off. I finally realized after months it was happening after I was having intercourse with my husband.I did so much research on Google and so many women had the same experience. I then figured out semen affects women, causing bv or bv symptoms. Most were saying to douche with peroxide, or take meds. I finally made my hubby go get checked and his doctor and mine said semen is mixing with my fluids causing me to have a fishy odor. I was a little distraught but I came to terms with it. So, by coincidence, the next few days came around and we had intercourse as usual, I then used a wet paper towel to clean up the semen and threw it in my bedside trash can. I repeated this 3 days in a row. So today I was laying on the bed when I noticed the fishy odor again. I kept getting a whiff of it thinking the smell was trapped in the mattress. So I was a little frustrated. That my mattress had a odor to it. I happened to decide to investigate where the odor seemed to be the strongest and, to my surprise, IT WAS THE SEMEN ON THE PAPERTOWEL IN THE TRASH CAN. I smelled it and immediately the smell hit me hard! It was crazy, so now I am on a search to find out what is causing it because I realized it is not me at all, its my husband!! I get upset because women always feel its us, however Google Searches have allowed me to find that many men say their semen smells fishy. And I have witnessed it!! So not saying what me and many women are experiencing is not bv but we take all these meds and the issue in my case is only odor.!! And it turns out it is not me! I had to post this because this is a major find!! I now can research this through males perspectives and experienceS because they may be the underlying issue, in my case, my husbands semen is fishy not me!! So hope this helps!!Comment