How to have sex at home for free
Avoiding STIs1Use latex condoms . Male condoms should be used for any kind of sex, including vaginal, anal, and oral contact. The male latex condom is easy to use, efficient and cheap. It is also widely available for free at Planned Parenthood locations, other counseling services, and many schools. Consistently and correctly using latex condoms during sexual intercourse can reduce the risk of STIs and pregnancy with up to 99 reliability.If youre allergic to latex, you can also use polyurethane condoms, which offer some protection against STIs. Natural or lambskin condoms offer reliable protection against pregnancy, but the material isnt fine enough to prevent the transmission of some infections, making them less reliable for that purpose.Make sure to properly place the condom on the erect penis. Doing this together can create a more intimate experience.Remember, both partners are responsible for safe sex. If you are sexually active, you should always have a supply of condoms on hand. Make sure to regularly check the expiration date, too.Condoms do not typically break when used properly however, if the condom rips or tears during intercourse, make sure that both partners get tested within 10 days.2Consider using a female condom . Female condoms can be used for vaginal penetrative sex. They are effective against most STIs and can help reduce the chances of pregnancy. Though the failure rate is higher than with hormonal contraception, female condoms can be very effective when used in combination with other protection. 1You should never use a female and male condom at the same time. That can cause friction that will tear one or both of the condoms, making them ineffective.Make sure to carefully read the instructions on the packaging. You want to ensure that you properly insert the female condom.You will insert the female condom in a similar manner as inserting a tampon. The penis should be inside the female condom during intercourse.It is unlikely that the female condom will break if used correctly however, if there is a tear, make sure to visit your physician to get tested within 10 days.3Use a dental dam for oral sex. Dental dams are latex sheets, or condoms that have been cut open to form squares. When used correctly, dental dams have been proven to reduce the risk of passing blood and other fluids to the mouth from the genitals. These are effective in preventing STIs and HIV. You can use them when performing oral sex on both the vulva and the anus. 2Make sure the latex doesnt have any holes, tears, or other damage. Rinse off any cornstarch if necessary, as this can promote vaginal infection. Cover the genitalia or anus while performing oral sex.Never switch back and forth between the vagina and anus without first replacing the dental dam. Discard after use.4Try a lubricant. While friction can be a pleasurable feeling during sex, it can also heighten the risk of infection. Friction is often the cause of broken condoms or dental dams. To prevent too much friction, try using a lubricant during intercourse. 3Make sure to read the ingredients on the package. Dont use an oilbased lube on a latex condom. It will break down the latex.Instead, choose an waterbased lubricant. Siliconbased lubes are also a good choice. You can also use lubricants to make dental dams more supple and less likely to tear.5Find other ways to be intimate. You and your partner can engage in sexual activities that carry absolutely no risk. Be creative and explore new ways to turn each other on. You can use words and fantasies to arouse one another. Some no risk sexual acts include: 4Phone sex or sextingCyber sex6Try lowrisk activities. Anal and vaginal intercourse are considered high risk sexual activities. The risk of infection when having intercourse anally is greater because the skin of the anus is thinner, making infection and disease transmission more of a possibility. Likewise, sexually transmitted diseases and infections are transmittable between the mouth and the genitals, making unprotected oral sex also a risky behavior. You can still be intimate without engaging in intercourse. Talk to your partner about trying out some new sexual activities. You could try: 5Deep kissingFondlingExperimenting with sex toys such as dildos or vibrators.Keep sex toys clean. Always wash them between uses, and never use one that youre not sure is clean. A weak solution of disinfectant in a bowl of water is a cheaper option.Rinse the toys well and be sure to dry them before storing them in a sealed bag in a clean and dry environment. Do not share sex toys with partners you arent fluidbonded with since you can spread infections this way.MethodConsulting Your Doctor1Get tested regularly. Go to your doctor or a free clinic regularly to get screened for HIV and other STIs. Get tested together with a monogamous partner before deciding to stop using protection. You should continue to get tested regularly even when you are in a relationship, to be on the safe side. It is better to get tested than to unknowingly be infected with an STI. 6Ask your partner to go with you if youre nervous. Its not lame to request that your partner do this enthusiastically and willingly.If your partner doesnt want to go together, ask them to go on their own and share the results with you. You can try saying, I respect your need for privacy. But please remember that this effects both of our bodies and health. We need to share this information with each other.If your partner is not willing to practice safe sex, find another partner. 72Learn specific symptoms. Educating yourself can help keep you safe. One of the best ways to protect yourself is to boost your knowledge. Take some time to learn about different STIs. You can learn about methods of contraction, and symptoms. Your doctor is one of your best resources. Ask your doctor for some information or look at a reputable website. 8For example, you should know that one of the most common STIs, chlamydia, often has no symptoms. For that reason, it is often unknowingly passed to others. Ask your doctor to test for all STIs before you sleep with a new partner.Genital warts are another common STI. These warts are easily spread by skintoskin contact. The fleshcolored bumps may look similar to cauliflower. Your doctor can help you find the best treatment plan.Many STIs dont have visible symptoms however, if you see any abnormalities on your partners genitalia, you should avoid having sex until they have visited the doctor.Know your body. If you notice any changes in your body, visible or not, dont hesitate to contact your doctor. Youre always better safe than sorry.3Get vaccinated. One of the best ways to prevent certain STIs is by getting vaccinated. There are currently vaccines that can be used to prevent hepatitis A and B, and human papillomavirus (HPV). Talk to your doctor about whether these vaccines are right for you. 9Females between the age of nine and 26 should be given the HPV vaccine. It is given in three doses over six months. The CDC states that this vaccine is safe for all women between those ages. The HPV vaccine is also recommended for boys, given at age 11 12 yearsThe CDC recommends the Hepatitis A vaccine for all children, men who engage in intercourse with other men, and illegal drug users.There are many populations who should receive the Hepatitis B vaccine. These groups include:Children under 19 who have not previously been vaccinatedIntravenous drug usersMen who have sex with menIndividuals with HIV or chronic liver disease4Get treated. Part of having safe and responsible sex is making sure that you are not passing a disease to your partner. If you have contracted an STI, you need to make sure that you receive the proper medical treatment. If you receive a negative diagnosis, ask your doctor about the best treatment option for you. 10For example, maybe you learn that you have contracted gonorrhea. Your doctor will prescribe a course of antibiotics as a treatment.For this, and any infection, make sure to take the medicine exactly as instructed. Ask your doctor if you have any questions, or are concerned about side effects.Tell your partner. You need to say, I need you to know that I was recently tested for STIs. I have gonorrhea. You need to get tested as soon as possible.5Ask about highrisk sex. You might find yourself in a situation where you want to knowingly engage in highrisk sex. For example, maybe your partner was previously diagnosed with HIV. Talk to your doctor before engaging in sexual activity. 11Ask a lot of questions. You can say, My partner is HIVpositive. What extra steps can we take to make sure that I remain negative?Keep the lines of communication open. If you or your partner have questions, make sure to ask.It is possible to have a healthy and happy sex life with someone who has tested positive. You just need to make sure that safety is always part of your routine.MethodPreventing Unwanted Pregnancies1Try the pill. Hormonal contraception methods regulate a womans fertility cycles to prevent pregnancy. The most common type of hormonal birth control is often referred to as the pill and is taken orally every day. When taken correctly and regularly, hormonal birth control is 99 effective. If youre interested in hormonal birth control, talk to your gynecologist or general care provider about a prescription. 12Always take hormonal birth control correctly. Hormonal birth control is incredibly effective, but only when taken properly and consistently. You need to take your pill at the same time each day, and avoid smoking, which can increase your bloodpressure and other cause dangerous health concerns.Pay attention to how your body responds to the hormones, and discuss any concerns. It sometimes takes some experimenting to get the right medication.Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to take your pill and do it at the same time each day.2Consider alternative hormone therapies. Other hormonal methods are also available and quite reliable, up to 99 effective. Hormonal patches, the NuvaRing , and implants can last for weeks or several years and are quite effective.The DepoProvera shot is another option, administered every few months. Intrauterine devicessystems (IUDs or IUSs) are also options to consider.Use both birth control and condoms to reduce the risk of pregnancy and STIs. Using other kinds of contraceptives in addition to condoms is the best way to practice the safest kind of sex. You can have fun with your partner in a more worryfree environment.3Use barrier contraception. The following methods offer no protection against the transmission of HIV and other sexuallytransmitted diseases, but are somewhat effective at preventing pregnancy. Diaphragms, contraceptive sponges, and cervical caps are placed over the cervix and should be used together with a spermicidal gel. These methods of contraception are typically worn for at least six hours after intercourse.At most, these methods are about 90 effective, on average, making them somewhat less reliable than other methods of birth control. The fact that they offer no protection against STIs and are typically more difficult to obtain than condoms makes them a less recommended, but still a useful method. 13Ask your doctor to fit you for a diaphragm. You can purchase sponges at most drug stores. Make sure to follow the directions very carefully.4Know your options. If you are a female who is sexually active, it is possible that you could inadvertently become pregnant. Part of having safe sex is knowing what you will do if you have an unplanned pregnancy. Think ahead and know where you can find resources. 14Be aware that the counselors at Planned Parenthood can talk to you about options that include terminating or continuing with your pregnancy.Talk to your partner. If you are in a serious relationship, say, What would we do if we became pregnant?Make use of emergency contraception. Drugs like PlanB, Next Choice, and ella can decrease the possibility of pregnancy after unprotected sex when no contraceptive is used. Most dont require a prescription, though some do have age limits that vary depending on the country and state.MethodChoosing Responsible Behaviors1Be monogamous. Monogamy means being in an exclusive relationship with only one sexual partner. Monogamy can help you to reduce the risk of contracting STIs. If you are going to be sexually active, consider being monogamous. 15Make sure that your relationship is mutually monogamous, which means you are both committed to only having sex with each other.Trust is a big part of monogamy. Make sure that you and your partner are open and honest with each other about your sexual activity past and present.2Always take time to talk with your partners before and after sex . Each time you enter into a new sexual relationship, its important to take time to talk to your partner before jumping between the sheets. Be honest about your own sexual experiences and your own desire to practice safe sex. If your partner doesnt want to practice safe sex, or isnt forthright with you about their sexual history and experiences, dont have sex with them. 16You dont need to have the numbers talk, necessarily, but you do need to find out if your partner has regularly engaged in risky sexual behaviors. Get tested together before you decide to have sex.Have consensual sex. Make sure your partner is capable of consenting to sex and that both people in the relationship agree to the sexual activity each and every time.Consenting once doesnt mean consenting to future sexual encounters, and likewise consenting to one activity in no way suggests the consent of another. Never assume consent.3Put your safety first. Avoid mixing drugs and alcohol with sex. Having sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol is never a safe idea. Your safe sex practices can be compromised and less effective if youre drunkhigh and you might misread the other persons signals or they might misread your signals, potentially resulting in nonconsensual sex. 17If you go to parties and want to get drunk or use drugs, its safest to be with friends. Look out for one another.Dont share drinks. Dont accept a drink from someone you dont know. Keep your hand over the top of drink and keep it with you at all times dont leave it sitting exposed if you go to the bathroom. Being mindful of your safety can help you avoid falling victim to date rape drugs.Common date rape drugs are rohypnol (roofies), GHB, and ketamine. Common symptoms include dizziness, confusion, and difficulty with motor skills.Get medical care if you suspect you have been drugged.4Protect your emotions. No one has the right to pressure you into having sex. This applies to intercourse, but also other forms of sexual activity. If you feel uncomfortable, remove yourself from the situation. 18Common pressuring tactics include threatening a break up or trying to influence you with drugs or alcohol.You can say, I dont feel comfortable. Please stop.You can also say, I was really enjoying kissing you. Id like to keep things on that level.5Figure out if you are ready for sex. Whether you are a virgin or just starting a new relationship, you might be nervous to have sex with someone new. Thats perfectly normal. Its a good idea to take a selfassessment. Reflecting on your feelings can help you decide if youre ready to take the next step. 19Ask yourself a series of questions. For example, are you prepared to talk to your healthcare provider about your sexual activity?Additionally, you should ask yourself if you feel comfortable discussing intimacy with your partner. Moreover, do you feel comfortable saying that you dont want to have sex?If you cant confidently answer yes to these questions, it might be a good idea to hold off on having sex. Remember, every relationship moves at its own pace.Youre helping people by reading wikiHowwikiHows mission is to help people learn, and we really hope this article helped you. Now you are helping others, just by visiting wikiHow.Trek to Teach is a nonprofit organization that sends fluent English speakers to teach in Nepal near the Himalayas. In addition to teaching, Trek to Teach strengthens local communities by helping schools build infrastructure, paint their classrooms, and find furniture.Click below to let us know you read this article, and wikiHow will donate to Trek to Teach on your behalf. Thanks for helping us achieve our mission of helping people learn how to do anything.
.About CecileyCeciley Jenkins is a weirdo. Most of her videos are just excuses to make jokes about Merkins. Because pubic wigs are the basis of all joy in the universe. Not of all joy in the Whedonverse though. The joy there is based on great monologues, kicking ass in a bra and the knowledge that River Song is a Slayer. Shes interested in flipping cultural norms, like meatballs from New Jersey speaking in the Queens English, making camel toe the new cleavage, and letting multiple women have speaking parts in which they make jokes. The best thing that happens with her How To Have Sex videos is that people watch them and dont understand they are comedy videos and they get really upset. Sometimes they wonder if shes ok. This is how she knows shes made a good video. But bragging! Ummm...many people have watched her videos! Either that or there is one very tired mouse somewhere who has clicked refresh around 140 million times. And not everyone gets upset after watching her videos! Sometimes people hire her to make other people upset! I mean to make people laugh! Because of comedy acting on the internet she has gotten to act other places too like that time she yelled MUFF CABBAGE on South Park. You might say Cecileys channel is like High Tea. It comes from a cozy place, its fancy sometimes there are accents but you are high and this stuff is weird and whoa thank god there are cookies. Cookies with Merkins. Cookies with Merkins and eyes. Make the cookies with merkins and eyes stop looking at me. Make them stop!!! Devil cookieeees! AAAAAAaaah! Run for your lives! SUBSCRIBE TO CECILEY OR THE COOKIES WILL KILL US ALLLLL!!!!
How to have sexHow to have sexAre you thinking about having sex for the first time? Or just want some tips on how to protect yourself from HIV and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) while having great sex? Then this section is for you.Here you can read what to expect when having different kinds of sex whether youre straight, gay or anything in between and get the facts about risks such as sexually transmitted infections (STIs), unwanted pregnancy and how you can protect yourself and those around you.For top tips on oral, anal and vaginal sex click on the pages below. Our safer sex section has detailed information on how to use condoms and PrEP.Last full review:
Finding a Place and Time1Do it when your parents are away. Know their schedules, and plan for a time when they will be away for a least a few hours. Make sure that theres a large enough window before you get too excited. Listen for talk of date nights, weekend events, and movie plans. These are usually good for about 35 hours of parental absence during which you can plot your own secret rendezvous. If they ever go out of town and leave you in charge, youve hit the jackpot. 12If your partners parents are more openminded or else leave the house more, go over there as much as possible. This is probably the easiest option.If your parents wont let you go over to a partners house, you can always lie and claim to go to a friends house or out shopping, however, this could cause more trouble in the long run.3Seize the moment. You never know when a perfect opportunity is going to appear. If you and your partner are raring to go, you should be ready to jump on the chances that you get. 24Use a car. Having sex in a car is doable as long as you can find a secluded place to park. This option might be a bit cramped, but it certainly can be done. If you live in a rural area, try pulling over on a country road. Business parks are usually fairly deserted on weekends and after hours. You can also try to hide in plain sight with lots of other cars around in a big parking lot.Try to avoid parking near buildings or businesses. Otherwise, make sure to look out for security cameras, and make sure to read any signs that indicate youre not supposed to be there. You dont want to draw the attention of police or security guards!Keep in mind that many public places are closely monitored at night, when people have less reason to come and go. If this is your only option, try to do it during the day if you want to avoid suspicion from police, park rangers, and security guards.5Talk to mutual friends about other options. You might be able to arrange for some privacy at a social gathering or the house of someone whose parents are less uptight than yours. Its a long shot, but totally worth looking into.6Venture into the outdoors. Remote natural settings like parks and forests are usually good places to get some alone time. Pack a picnic with food, drinks, and blankets, and hike around together in search of secluded spots. Make sure to pick a place that is safe and private.If you know of a good spot already, feel free to take your romantic liaison there. Perhaps there is a makeout point near your community maybe you know about an old treehouse in the woods, or a quiet place where no one goes.Make sure that your partner is up for roughing it. Not everyone is comfortable with the great outdoors. Make your intentions clear beforehand.7Look for another indoor space. Book a cheap motel room, if you can afford it. Take your partner to an unused or lowtraffic room at school, at work, or at another community building. Perhaps you have the key to a storage room at your school or at your work, or maybe you know about a corner in the church basement that no one ever checks. Try to think outside the box!8Be aware of the risks. It is illegal to have sex in many outdoor and public spaces. It is illegal to have sex with a minor (younger than age 16, 17, or 18 in the U.S.), even if you yourself are a minor. If you really like this person and you are able to find a discreet place, then legality need not stop you but make sure that you understand the consequences! If you are caught violating these laws, you might be arrested or fined, and legally labeled a sexual predator. Even worse, your parents might find out!Check the legal age of consent for your state or country. If you live in the U.S., the age of consent may be 16, 17, or 18, with a corresponding acceptable difference between ages. 3 If the age of consent for your state is 18, this means that sex with anyone younger than 18 is illegal even if you are 18 and your partner is 17, or if you are 17 and your partner is also 17.Many teenage lovers have been branded sexual predators over the years. This label follows you into adulthood: you have to register as a sex offender whenever you move to a new address, and you may not be allowed to live within a certain radius of a school. 4 Whether the law is fair or the law is blind, you should be aware of the consequences of what youre doing!MethodBeing Discreet1Talk to your partner. You should both be ready to have sex and ready to accept the consequences. Make sure you are both on the same page about all of this. It might be awkward at first, but youll need to talk about sex in order to arrange the best way to do it secretly. If youre going to keep your parents from finding out, you need to communicate.Find a discreet way to talk about these things. If your parents read your text messages, then you shouldnt discuss your plans over text. If you go to the same school, you can talk there. Consider agreeing on a code to refer to sexual things so that you can make plans more openly.2Prepare yourself mentally. Lying may seem easier than telling your parents up front, but pulling it off may take a lot of quick thinking and mental energy. Sneaking around means plans, alibis, codes, and coverups. This comes more naturally to some people than others. There is no room for error if you are going to do it right. If not, you might as well just tell your parents everything right now!3Agree on an alibi for every encounter. Do this even if you dont think you will need it. As your parents leave the house for dinner and a movie, tell them you plan to spend your evening doing homework or watching TV. If you are going to a social gathering that your parents might not approve of, think of a more wholesome activity you could claim to be doing for the night: e.g. a study group or a sleepover. Use your imagination, but be ready to back up any claims that you make.Be careful what you say. Your parents might know more than you think they do, and you dont want to give them any reason to be suspicious. Be aware that parents often talk to other parents.Make sure that your story matches the stories of other people who will supposedly be around. If you say that youre sleeping over at a friends house, make sure that A) your parents wont ask your friends parents about it, or B) your friends parents will cover for you.4Be discreet. Secrets are best kept on a needtoknow basis so be careful who you tell. This also means covering your tracks to avoid detection. Dont leave your diary, a gift from your partner, a pack of condoms, or any other evidence lying around.5Keep the noise down. You cant expect to keep this under wraps when you make a clumsy ruckus every time. Explain to your partner why you need to keep quiet. After you learn to do your business swiftly and quietly, you may even be able to get away with it in a house full of people. 56Consider sexual activities beyond full intercourse. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and other nonpenetrative sex acts tend to be much easier to hide. You may find many unexpected opportunities for a quick session when you wouldnt necessarily be able to go allout.MethodBeing Safe1Understand the risks. Unprotected (and sometimes even protected) sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy, various sexuallytransmitted infections, general health concerns, and psychological repercussions. Sex is great, but its also a great responsibility: to your body, to your partner, to your family, and to your future. Read up on safe sex online to make sure that youre doing everything you can.DO NOT go without protection for risk of your parents finding out. An unexpected pregnancy or STD is far harder to explain than a box of condoms or pack of pills. 62Make sure that youre ready. Its important that you are mentally as well as physically ready to have sex. Sex is a fundamental part of being human, and it can change the way that you see the world. Be sure that youre doing this for the right reasons. Are you truly ready to have joyful, responsible sex, or are you responding to peer pressure and outside expectations? Do some soulsearching.3Use protection. It is best to combine methods if you want to prevent pregnancy as well as STDs. You can buy condoms at most drugstores, grocery stores, and convenience stores. Visit Planned Parenthood or another clinic, and they will give you a bag of free condoms. Girls: ask your doctor about birth control pills and other longterm solutions if youre planning to be sexually active. It might be embarrassing to talk about this at first, but everybody does it and its better to be safe than sorry! 7Free condoms are available to the public at clinics and doctors offices, the Department of Health and Social Services, and some schools visit the school nurse. Stash them in your locker or any secure hiding place that is safe from prying eyes. Always keep more condoms than you think you will need, but do not use them after the expiration date stamped on the package.Pulling out is not a sure way to prevent pregnancy. Even condoms are not 100 effective but they are much safer than the alternative.An STD (sexually transmitted disease) could pose serious health risks, and it might haunt you throughout your life. Think about who youre having sex with, and think about who they in turn have had sex with. A huge part of sexual responsibility is communicating with your partner about sexual history. 84Visit a gynecologist. All sexually active females should see a gynecologist at least once a year for cancer tests, STD screenings, and birth control. Most young women do not have reasons to visit the gynecologist before becoming sexually active, so it might be hard to get your parents support without blowing your cover. However, this is an important part of safe sex, and it is well worth your while to set up an appointment. 95Talk to an adult. If you cant talk to your parents about sex, think about other adults in your life whom youre comfortable approaching with sensitive questions. Try talking to a doctor, a teacher, a trustworthy family member (brother, sister, aunt, uncle,) or a counselor. If you cant think of anyone, visit the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic and make an appointment to speak with a clinician. Sex is a big responsibility to take on alone, and it might be helpful to get advice from someone more experienced. 10An older sibling can be a great person to talk to, depending on your relationship with them. Theyre experienced with sex, but they also understand where youre coming from. Consider their advice before moving forward.6Consider telling your parents. They might be more helpful and understanding than you expect. By sneaking around and trying to have sex without your parents knowing, you will always be at risk of getting caught. Think about whether thats a chance you want to take. 11Have a confident, mature conversation with your parents about your decision. If you can explain why youre ready to have sex, they might give you the space to make your own choice.Find out if your partners parents could handle the news. If so, talk to them. This kind of thing often goes much more smoothly if somebodys parents know what is going on.Youre helping people by reading wikiHowwikiHows mission is to help people learn, and we really hope this article helped you. Now you are helping others, just by visiting wikiHow.Trek to Teach is a nonprofit organization that sends fluent English speakers to teach in Nepal near the Himalayas. In addition to teaching, Trek to Teach strengthens local communities by helping schools build infrastructure, paint their classrooms, and find furniture.Click below to let us know you read this article, and wikiHow will donate to Trek to Teach on your behalf. Thanks for helping us achieve our mission of helping people learn how to do anything.
9 MustRead Tips for FirstTime SexNo. 4 can change everything.Sep 6, 2017Getty ImagesThe first time you have sex with someone or sex at all is a deeply individual experience. Sex means different things and comes with different emotions from person to person (and from hookup to hookup, TBH). That said, there are a handful of insights that can make your first time having vaginal sex comfier, more communicative, and more pleasurable, which are pretty universally great things for sex to be. Here are nine firsttime pointers, with advice from sex therapist Vanessa Marin .1. Being safe can actually relax you.Nothing is more distracting than worrying about STIs and pregnancy during sex. Even if it feels awkward, it is so, so, so important to chat with your partner beforehand about what youll do to protect yourselves. Use a condom even if youre on another form of birth control to protect you both from STIs unless you are both monogamous with each other and STIfree (check out local clinics like Planned Parenthood for freeaffordable testing).2. Enthusiastic consent is a prerequisite for everything you do.Make sure you enthusiastically consent to each and every thing the two of you do together, Marin says. Enthusiastic is a key part of that sentence. Dont just go along with something make sure youre excited about it. Remember that just because you start an activity for example, intercourse you dont have to finish or continue it: You have the right to pause or stop whatever it is. No. Matter. What. Same goes for your partner, of course: Check in with each other as things progress to make sure youre both enthusiastic about what youre doing.3. Remember to breathe.A big part of enjoying sex is focusing on the sensations youre feeling instead of, for example, your nervousness (which is totally common to feel your first time, even if you know youre ready to have sex). Deep breathing is a fantastic way to let go of distracting thoughts, Marin points out. As youre taking those deep breaths, focus on how different parts of your body are feeling and how your partners body feels against yours not just the obvious part (penis in vagina) but their fingers in your hair, hands on your hips, whatever it is.Advertisement Continue Reading Below4. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Did I mention foreplay?The more aroused you are, the better sex is likely to feel, so dont neglect foreplay including oral sex, manual sex, and, yes, good, oldfashioned kissing. Youre more likely to orgasm from oral sex or fingering, Marin says, so resist the temptation to think of these activities as the things you do before moving on to the main event. Whether or not you do orgasm the first time you have sex, clitoral stimulation is the key to most womens pleasure, and vaginal intercourse doesnt usually provide very much of it.5. Caring about your partners pleasure matters more than your technique.Its natural to worry that you wont be good in bed your first time, but trust: what matters most is that you are invested in how your partner feels and vice versa, and that you two are communicating about it. A lot of people get anxious about sexual performance, but perhaps the best quality in a lover is enthusiasm, Marin says. If youre genuinely enjoying pleasuring him, hell notice it, and hell have a lot more fun too. Simple questions like, How does that feel? and, Do you like it when I fill in the blank? give your partner a chance to express appreciation for what youre doing or (gently) ask for something a little different. (As well as prompt them to ask you the same questions!)6. Feedback is not the same as criticism, so dont hesitate to give it.A common concern is that if you tell your partner something doesnt feel good or something else would feel better theyll feel attacked. But if they care about your pleasure, theyll be happy to hear how to help you feel it. In the moment, it can be hard to figure out what exactly you want, so it can be helpful to talk after the fact about what you enjoyed, what you could do without, and what youd like to try next time. And if you dont have an orgasm, dont feel pressure to pretend to have one. Think of orgasming not as your responsibility but as a fun goal to work toward with your partner(s), together.Advertisement Continue Reading Below7. Lube is your friend.Using lube sometimes gets a bad rap as a sign that youre not turned on enough, but even if you and your body are saying OK, lets do this! a little lube can make sex so much more pleasurable. Another benefit of using a water or siliconebased lube with a condom (avoid oilbased lube, which can degrade latex) is that less friction means the condom is less likely to tear.8. Your partners penis might not do everything the two of you want.Whether premature ejaculation, a limp penis, or inability to orgasm strike, it doesnt mean something is wrong with your partner or you failed them somehow. Comfort with a new partner often takes time and communication, and that goes for both men and women.9. Temper your expectations.Teen movies and TV shows sold us a pretty unrealistic vision of what having sex for the first time looks like. Its always perfectly choreographed and moodlit and romantic, and ends in an implied simultaneous orgasm. As if. Dont expect fireworks the first time you have sex sex is messy and human and flawed and often awkward whether its your first time or your thousandth. Its the practice and the exploration that make sex fun.A version of this article was published in April 2014.Follow Hayley on Twitter .
11 Ways to Have Sex Better, According to ScienceBecause empirical evidence could prove useful.By Judy McGuireApr 3, 2017You can try all the sex positions you want, or you can call up the worlds foremost doctors for sex advice on their one surefire trick in the bedroom. And then the positions get better.View Gallery 11 PhotosStocksyWatch Porn TogetherI think its important to cue up the videos in advance, to know what your favorites are, because this process is very drying. If you feel awkward in the moment, be like, Yo, Im feeling hella awkward right now. Because it can start with you guys making fun of it. And then, debrief on what you likedand didnt like. That will transfer to the bedroom. Shan Boody , sexologist and authorAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowGetty ImagesMake It LastAccording to not onebut 34 sex therapists, the scientifically proven desirable length for intercourse is seven to 13 minutes. Thats not including foreplay.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowStocksyTell Her She Looks (and Tastes) GreatIts been proven that women who feel confident about the appearance of their genitals are more open to different kinds of sexual activity, and are more likely to orgasm because they feel relaxed... When a man goes down on his partner, he should be enthusiastic, tell her how beautiful she is and how great she tastes. Dont treat it like a chore.Debra Lynne Herbenick, Ph.D., Indiana University, Kinsey InstituteAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowGetty ImagesTake Your Time UndressingThere is a degree of manipulation when it comes to the amount of neurotransmitter released... Looking at a nude picture will trigger a quick and strong release of dopamine and possibly oxytocin, but it fades quickly... Let her work for it a little shell enjoy the prolonged neurological orgasm more.Andrea Kuszewski, Behavior Therapist and Consultant, Boston, MassachusettsAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowStocksyUse Your EarsThe only difference between a gigolo and a regular guy is that a gigolo listens to what a woman wants in bed. So, ask. I would alsoadvise that you ask her while not in the bedroomraise the discussion while out walking or doing some other casual yet intimate thing together.Dr. Helen Fisher, Department of Anthropology, Rutgers UniversityAdvertisement Continue Reading Below
My boyfriend and I have a longdistance relationship. To tide us over between visits, he really wants to have phone sex. I have no ideaGet the Scoop!Sign up for our newsletter and stay in the know.Thank You!
ShareWere always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship . But how often do we hear the nittygritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist , to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto todays topic: how to have sex at home when you live with your parents .Q: My boyfriend and I were recently forced to move in with my parents due to some financial hardships. It has been tough in so many ways to transition from living on our own to being back under my parents roof, but our sex life has suffered the most. My parents bedroom is pretty close to mine, the walls are thin, and my bed is creaky. The lack of privacy is a turnoff to me, and I find myself just giving up hope. How can we maintain a sex life while living at home ?A: Thanks for the question! There are a lot of people in your position right now. Sneaking around when you were a teenager may have felt exhilarating, but a lot of the fun wears off when youre an adult who had to move back home as a last resort . But all hope isnt lost, I promise! Here are six ways to maintain some semblance of a sex life when your parents are sleeping in the bedroom next door.1. Keep talking about it.Theres no getting around it this is a frustrating situation to be in. Many couples in your situation would react by withdrawing and trying to forget about having sex since the conditions arent optimal. Unfortunately, pretending its not a problem will only make things worse. Keep acknowledging your frustrations with each other. Tell each other how much you miss being intimate. Reminisce about your favorite memories from when you were living on your own. Dream about what it will be like to be back in your own place.2. Capitalize on your opportunities.Unfortunately, you no longer have the luxury of having sex when the mood strikes. Youre going to have to be a bit more flexible with your timing. Talk to each other about trying to take advantage of the opportunities you do have. The moment your parents leave the house , pounce on each other. Have a code word or signal that you can use to alert each other when your parents start getting ready to leave the house. You may even want to try encouraging your parents to take up a hobby or start going on date nights more frequently!3. Broaden your ideas about sex.Intercourse can be a tricky thing to pull off with limited time and privacy, but handjobs and blowjobs can be a lot easier! Try to incorporate a wider variety of acts into your sex life. If you just have a few minutes while your parents walk the dog around the block, try giving each other handjobs at the same time, or masturbate in front of each other. Sneak into the tub at night and touch each other below the surface of the water.This is also your opportunity to make sex exciting in other ways. I know that the challenges of your current situation are a moodkiller for you, but are there other ways that you can make sex feel more enjoyable right now? Maybe you and your boyfriend had stopped having long makeout sessions when you were living together, but those kinds of interactions are more doable now. Or maybe you could actually get into the idea of having to be more spontaneous and sneaky about timing.4. Soundproof your room.When your parents arent home, have your boyfriend stay in your bedroom while you go into your parents bedroom. Close both doors. Ask your boyfriend to thrust on the bed, and try to approximate how loud you both tend to moan. Doing this little test with give you a real sense of just how much privacy you have. Most people get super paranoid about sex noises, but you may discover that you can be louder than you had originally thought.Its also worth making some effort to soundproof your room . You can disguise a lot with music or even a sound machine playing white noise. Try playing music during the day when your parents are at home, so its not obvious that music on sexytimes. See if you can fix your beds creakiness with some WD40 or by tightening the screws. Hanging a tapestry on the wall and putting a towel under the door can also help.5. Get creative about location.If your bed is being uncooperative, try making a really cosy sex den on the floor with blankets and pillows. Or perhaps your house has a more private garage or den that you can sneak away to? How about the bathroom? Shower sex can be a lot of fun, and the shower can take care of the noise issue too. What about your car? You could park in a private part of the driveway, or drive to a secluded location. None of these locations may be ideal as your only option in the longterm, but if you rotate between them, they may feel more manageable.6. Schedule getaways.I know your inclination is probably to save up money as quickly as possible to get the hell out of your parents house, but you also have to find ways to make this temporary arrangement bearable for the time being. Try setting aside 10 or 20 every week to save up for weekend getaways. You can find cheap AirBnBs for as little as 60 a night. Even if you stay in your hometown, youll be so grateful for the opportunity to close the door and not have to worry about anyone else!Want more sex? Of course you do. So download Bustles app from iTunes for all the most recent sex and relationships news, advice, memes, and GIFs from around the Web. Guaranteed to fulfill you more than your ex.Images: (cup)cakeeater Flickr Giphy